Do A Nice Thing For Your Future Self, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Mach etwas Nettes für dein zukünftiges Selbst
von Elizabeth Gilbert

Ich wuchs in einem kleinen Familienbetrieb auf, wo Pflanzen und Tiere in jeder Hinsicht gepflegt werden mussten, sodass Ferien selten waren. Aber eines Sommers überzeugten meine Eltern einen benachbarten Bauern, sich um unsere Ziegen und Hühner zu kümmern, während wir eine ganze Woche lang an den Strand fuhren. Am Morgen ging es los, meine Mutter zog ihr Bett ab, wusch und trocknete die Bettwäsche und baute das Bett perfekt um, als ob sie es für einen Gast vorbereiten würde. Ich war verblüfft. Niemand wollte uns besuchen, während wir weg waren; warum sollten wir so viel Zeit und Mühe aufwenden?

"Oh", erklärte meine Mutter, als ich sie fragte, warum sie sich die Mühe gemacht habe, "das ist nur ein kleines Geschenk, das ich meinem zukünftigen Selbst gebe. Auf diese Weise, wenn sie am Ende ihres Urlaubs müde und erschöpft nach Hause kommt, hat sie das Geschenk frischer, sauberer Bettwäsche, die darauf wartet, sie wieder in ihrem eigenen Bett willkommen zu heißen."

"Sie", hatte meine Mutter gesagt, nicht "Ich". Ich fand es auffallend, dass sie eine so freundliche Aufmerksamkeit für die Person empfand, die sie sein würde. Das gegenwärtige Selbst meiner Mutter glaubte eindeutig, dass die Fremde, die sie in der nächsten Woche geworden war, Liebe verdient hätte. Dieses Geschenk eines frisch überzogenen Bettes war kein unbedeutender Akt: Es war ein bewusster Handschlag der Zuneigung im Laufe der Zeit, ein Weg, die Frau dieses Augenblicks mit der Frau der Zukunft zu verbinden.

Ich habe diese Lektion nie vergessen.

Wir sollen freundlich und großzügig uns selbst gegenüber sein, aber das ist nicht immer einfach. Oft fühlen wir, als verdienten wir das nicht. Oftmals versäumen wir es, im Chaos des gegenwärtigen Augenblicks im besten Interesse zu handeln, indem wir uns selbst liebevolle Zärtlichkeit verweigern. Wir schauen in den Spiegel und denken über jede dumme Sache nach, die wir heute getan oder gesagt haben, und wir befinden: Nun, vor mir steht ein lausiges Stück menschlichen Mülls. Dann kommt die Bestrafung, die alles sein kann, vom Saufgelage essen bis hin zur Übernahme der Steuerhinterziehung anderer Leute, um die eigenen Steuern zu unterschlagen. Wenn du dich selbst so sehr hasst, warum solltest du je dein Bett machen? Du bist im Grunde genommen ein wertloser Hund, der nichts Besseres verdient, als auf einem Haufen feuchter Lumpen zu schlafen.

Aber was ist mit der Person, zu der du in einer Woche wirst? Oder in einem Monat? Oder in einem Jahr? Was ist mit dieser unschuldigen Fremden? Was hat sie jemals getan, was so falsch war? Was wäre, wenn du in der Lage wärst, dein zukünftiges Selbst als einen verdienten Besucher zu betrachten, der Zuneigung und Sympathie verdient? Was wäre, wenn du jeden Tag versuchen würdest, an ein schönes Geschenk zu denken, das du ihr anbieten könntest - etwas, das ihr das Gefühl geben könnte, willkommen und sicher und geliebt zu sein, wenn sie endlich auftaucht?

Es kann eine so kleine Geste sein, wie die Zahnseide zu benutzen (eine langweilige Aufgabe, zu der ich mich oft nicht überwinden kann, es sei denn, ich beginne mit den Worten: "Das ist für dich, zukünftige Liz! ), oder eine so große Geste wie das Aufhören mit dem Rauchen oder das Verlassen einer giftigen Beziehung, weil du nicht willst, dass dein zukünftiges Selbst so viel leidet wie dein gegenwärtiges Selbst.wollen, dass Ihr zukünftiges Selbst so viel leidet wie Ihr jetziges Selbst.

Wenn du nichts Nettes für dich tun kannst, könntest du dann vielleicht etwas Nettes für sie tun? Diese mysteriöse und tadellose Fremde wird eines Tages in der Welt leben müssen, die du heute für sie erschaffst. Mit anderen Worten, du bist diejenige, die das Bett macht, aber sie ist diejenige, die darin liegen wird. Also sei heute nett zu ihr. Sei jeden Tag nett zu ihr.

Denk daran: Du bist die beste Freundin, die sie hat.

Fragen zur Reflexion: Wie verhältst du dich zu der Vorstellung, dass du der beste Freund bist, den dein zukünftiges Selbst hat? Kannst du eine persönliche Geschichte aus einer Zeit erzählen, in der du etwas aus Güte und Rücksicht auf dein zukünftiges Selbst getan hast? Was hilft dir, in Zuneigung und Sympathie für dein zukünftiges Selbst verwurzelt zu bleiben?

Elizabeth Gilbert ist eine amerikanische Autorin, die vor allem für ihre Memoiren Eat, Pray, Love bekannt ist. Auszug von hier.

Elizabeth Gilbert is an American author best known for her memoir Eat, Pray, Love. Excerpted from here.

Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion that you are the best friend your future self has? Can you share a personal story of a time you did something out of kindness and regard to your future self? What helps you stay rooted in affection and sympathy toward your future self?

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Add Your Reflection

28 Past Reflections

Leilani Hamer

Apr 7, 2023

Iam that person who changes her linen before going away so I can sleep on fresh sheets when I return. I always clear all dishes in my sink before going to bed. I love my house looking great when I return from anywhere.

Darlene

Oct 6, 2022

I always clean do laundry and change my bed when we go to our cabin. When I come home a bit tired I know that after my shower I have a fresh clean home and bed to begin my week

Rich

Sep 22, 2021

I'm a musician and I often feel guilty for spending time with the gift I believe God blessed me with. I'm not able to support myself solely through music so often times the demands of the 9-5 overwhelm the other side of me that is truly the side I wish I were 24-7. This article reminds me that if you don't take time to treat yourself like the human being you want to be and are, that other self will truly get lost to the beast we consider life.

Oletha

May 7, 2021

This is funny to me because I have been doing this my whole life and I assumed that other people did it too! One of the best things I do for myself is always put clean linens on my bed and clean my house before going on a trip even a weekend away. It helps me to love myself and my place of peace at home! I get excited just thinking about it! I learned from a young girl to do little loving things for myself! Before the Pandemic I took myself on Friday dates to the movie so every Friday I had something to look forward to doing just for me! Thanks for reminding me to get back to doing for my future self and showing myself love â¤ï¸

Mary

Apr 2, 2021

What a wonderful way to look at yourself! I've never thought of self compassion in this way before. It's great! I'll do it from now on. Thanks Elizabeth!

Nanette

Feb 12, 2021

I pamper myself on a regular with Skin products. I have been investing in trendy sports outfits that I am wearing with matching shoes/legging building up for the future me. Investing in OMADA was suppose to be that future me but I realize it has it's ups and downs like any other actual diet program but the future me is not giving up but looking at ways to better eat. Valentine's day for me gives me a reflections of how I am truly loved by my family and myself. Thanks for the inspiration.

Mel

Dec 14, 2020

I love the way you've framed this. Thank you. I will endeavor to do this.

John McCall

Feb 1, 2020

This was good information to share. I never thought of the sacrifices made today impacting my future self so directly.

Dec 19, 2019

I never thought of me being my future self's anything! This is really great, I love it and am passing it on to my daughters!! I am going to do a lot of reflecting on this.

Robin D Thompson

Nov 14, 2019

This passage is food for thought! I do need to think and do special things for me, beside working and doing for others. What about me and she! The passage was inspiring. Thank you!

maria davis

May 29, 2019

This was very well written i was sexually abused for many of my younger years by my dad so being kind to myself isnt always in the cards i am a work in.progress.

Nikki

Mar 7, 2018

As a coach who's working with people trying to improve their health and work on changing their habits, I was struck by how relevant this passage is to the people I work with daily. I've been sharing it all morning and have been getting some very positive response so far. I've also shared it with some of the other coaches I work with. As part of our work as coaches, we're exposed to the inner worlds of so many people, so many of whom experience incredible amount of self-hatred, which is bottled inside and creates a lot of suffering. This reminds me of Kristen Neff's research into self compassion and her "letter of self compassion" exercise. Very powerful reading. Mahalo for sharing!

Yogi

Mar 6, 2018

Part of our ecological destruction has to do with misunderstanding the temporal unity of our "self." As media and politics and capitalism pressure us to reduce our awareness to the split-second desires and drives elicited through advertising and propagandas of all sorts, we lose perspective. They say that a society is great when old men plant trees under whose shade they will never sit. The west has been mortgaging their future selves and the lineage of life to maximize short-term comfort at the cost of long-term comfort and sustainability, equity, and resilience. Gilbert beautifully portrays the self-hate at the core of all unconscious habits that harm our future selves. This unconscious self-hate is a large part of the mechanisms driving our maladaptive habits and separation. Being nice to our future self permits freedom--freedom from the boundness of seeking shortcuts, of lying to ourselves about the consequences of our actions. As Hanna Arendt wrote, I would never want to ki... View full comment

Mar 6, 2018

Every night, my body says "It's time to sleep"! As a child, I heard often, (from my dad), "you sleep in the the bed you make (or don't make). If you make a mess any where in life, you'll eventually have to face it (future self). The rules created in my father's house where all geared to that. (We were NOT served breakfast until our bed was made (or linen stripped for mom to wash)! Very simply, the rules where set and we had to abide by them. The consequence of not following the plan set before us was ... to find another house in which to live! I can't say that I enjoyed my upbringing while in the midst of it, but as an adult I SURE am thankful for it! (GOOD comes from lessons learned.) Deserving or not, every night I receive a gift from myself ... a freshly made bed! My body, sleeps better "in order"! Thank you mom and dad! God does NOT create "Lousy pieces of human garbage". Your Fath... View full comment

Paul

Mar 6, 2018

This is very timely and I have shared it with our staff here at Pioneer Elementary School. Yesterday we got news that a 5th grader was seriously contemplating suicide. I see in our schools we are not creating the space for healing, expression, or even acceptance. We're trudging on with the same mentality that we had 30 years ago. The childrens dynamics are changing and we need to step up to keep up. Thank you for this.

Rashmi

Mar 6, 2018

This article makes my day.

Kristin Pedemonti

Mar 6, 2018

I totally relate! 2017 became the year of self-care and it was Glorious! I took naps when needed so I was more refreshed. I stayed in more instead of going out more. I often donate to others, this year I spent some of that money on me by receiving coaching. It made a huge difference and impact. I am more centered. <3 I feel really wonderful today and much of it is because I finally shared kindness and compassion with myself rather than with everyone else around me. Yes, I am still kind and compassionate to others and now i include ME in the mix too. It's made all the difference. What helps me stay rooted is seeing the impact little by little. I am more centered. I am more grounded. I feel better more days that not. Be your own best friend too, you are worth it!

Annette Mar 6, 2018

I like the validation that you exude to the reader of your comment, Kristin. It's permission of a sort to actually treat ones self nicer, better, and as a result, the consequences are rewarding to the fullest.

me too Mar 6, 2018

Amen!

kay

Mar 6, 2018

I laughed when I read this because that’s exactly what I do! I guess I’m kinder to myself than I tho
ught.

Norma

Mar 6, 2018

I do the same thing! I never framed it as a gift to my future self. When I leave my home, I put everything in order and imagine how the house will look when I return. Sometimes, I put a treat on the counter like flowers or a sweet. I love that feeling when I enter my home and feel welcomed!

susan Mar 31, 2018

I love that you do this!
Me, too! It feels so far it good to come home to all the goodness in my space!

Panna

Mar 6, 2018

A beautifully written reminder to treat your future self! It may apply in each and every direction of our lives e.g. eating healthy foods, exercise, achieve what one thinks in terms of learning or performing. Each moment, we are caring for our future self.

Barbara G

Mar 6, 2018

What a wonderful lesson in self-love for: the author as a child; every reader (please teach any children in your life this life-changing lesson); me , a person who sometimes struggles to understand how to fully love myself.
It has also helped me realise that there are lots of small (caring) acts I do for my future self but hadn't thought about them that way - now I shall. Thank you for this inspiring piece. With Love. xx

Sunil, Bangalore

Mar 5, 2018

Impermanence is the only permanence.Every body-cell and every moment is constantly changing.What is today is not tomorrow.Love yourself intimately in the present first to love the other future you including all third party others.
Charity begins at home.Deep meditation and conscious self inquiry is the best example of a personal story. As you find yourself and become peaceful,purer,powerful...... U R equanimous full of love/affection,sympathy/empathy, generosity/gratitude not only for your own-self but also for the world/universe.Nicest thing to do is to connect with your inner-net everyday & moment for mutual happiness and harmony.

Abhishek

Mar 4, 2018

This thought evokes a tenderness in me - the idea of a future self I don't know yet am deeply connected with....playing across time like this has a very humbling effect, also reminding me of the impermanence of it all (including my current self that may seem so SOLID at the moment!)

david doane

Mar 4, 2018

I am the best friend my future self has. To a great extent, I'm a present oriented person with the firm belief that taking good care of my self physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually in the present is also best for my future self. For example, I eat healthily and exercise, I do some letting go of things which clutter my life, I continuing to learn, I have relationships and make an effort to relate well, I do some relaxing and meditating, and I enhance my spirituality, all of which are good for my present self and my future self. I also make some financial savings for my future self. My belief that a happy and healthy present self is best for my future self helps me stay rooted in affection for my future self. Sympathy for my future self doesn't feel right to me, but my belief helps me stay rooted in care for my future self.

Jagdish P Dave

Mar 2, 2018

How sad it is that as we grow up we get put down and self degrading messages from the people who also love us and care about us. Such messages grow like bad roots in our unconscious mind and have a significant impact on our sense of self. This touching and beautiful story teaches us to welcome the innocent stranger, our own future mysterious and blameless self, to befriend him or her, and extend our conscious hand of affection. We may not be able to do something about our bruised past self but we can welcome our self to come with loving and kind tenderness. There are times when I have beaten myself for making big mistakes such as hurting someone close to me. What has helped me to meet and be my innocent mysterious self is the kind and loving people in my life for accepting me with affection as I am. I have been practicing loving kindness meditation. Being compassionate to oneself and to others has helped me to stay rooted in affection and sympathy tow... View full comment