Who Is Having This Pain?

Mingyur Rinpoche
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The good news about pain is the way it cries out for attention. If you place your mind on your pain, you know just where your mind is. The trick is to stay aware of the mind. Most of the time, when pain asks for attention, we respond by trying to get rid of it. Pain becomes an object outside the mind that needs to be ejected, thrown out. Here’s the curious, counterintuitive aspect about pain: When we meet pain with resistance, the pain does not diminish. Instead we add suffering to the pain. The feeling sensation of pain arises in the body. The negative reaction to pain arises in the mind of the fixed self and transforms physical pain into an enemy. That’s how the suffering arises. When we try to get rid of pain, we pit ourselves against ourselves, becoming private war zones—not environments best suited for healing. For many people, self-pity attaches to sickness like sticky glue, and the voice of the ego asks, Why me? Yet this voice does not reside with the pain in the body but with the mind that identifies with the pain.

I started to meditate on pain by directing my mind to the sensation of stomach cramps. Then letting it rest there. Just be with the sensation of pain. No acceptance; no rejection. Just feeling. Explore the sensation. Don’t get caught in a story about the cramps, just feel them. After a few minutes, I started to investigate: What is the quality of this feeling? Where does it reside? I moved my mind from the surface area into my stomach, into the pain itself. Then I asked, Who is having this pain?

One of my esteemed roles?
They are only concepts.
Pain is a concept.
Cramp is a concept.
Stay in the awareness beyond concepts.
Let the self-beyond-self accommodate both concepts and no concepts: pain and no pain.
Pain is just a cloud, passing through the mind of awareness.
Cramps, stomach, pain are all intense forms of awareness.
Stay with the awareness and become bigger than the pain. In awareness, like sky, there is no place for the concept to abide.
Let it come. Let it go. Who holds the pain?
If you become one with your pain, there is no one to hurt. There’s just a concentrated sensation that we label pain.
No one holds the pain.
What happens when no one holds the pain?
Just pain. Actually, not even that, for pain is just a label.
Feel the sensation. Beyond concept, yet present. Nothing extra.
Experience it. Let it be.

Then I returned to just resting my mind in open awareness.

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche is a Tibetan Nepali teacher and master of the Karma Kagyu and Nyingma lineages of Tibetan Buddhism. He has written five books and oversees an international network of meditation centers.

SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: What do you make of the notion that pain becomes an enemy when we pit ourselves against it, turning our inner world into a private war zone? Can you share a personal story that illustrates a time when you experienced a shift in your relationship with pain, whether through acceptance, exploration, or simply allowing it to be? What helps you stay with the awareness beyond concepts, like sky, allowing sensations to come and go without attachment or resistance?

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12 Past Reflections

On Jul 2, 2025 Sonia Uttamchandani wrote :

This weekend I attended a spiritually cleansing retreat called Maitri Chitta Shudhi. Here they spoke about how we build our Sanskaras thanks ro the play of mind in constantly extracting concepts out of our experiences in the world. Someone used the wrong words, wrong tone to my liking, immediately my mind works to extract a concept of must do or must not do : Avoid this person, avoid people who dress, sound or give out energy like him. So from this concept we dilute our capacity to further explore/experience because now mind has caged us into categories and flow chart extracted from the concept of right and wrong we placed thanks to this person. Ergo, we bit by bit with such a process, lose curiosity, being present, rooting and nurturing a habit that life around me must be only to my liking and preferences. Anything not like that, now has the power to disturb me, move me to take actions to oppose/control/rectify it and I am now against teh world. My energy focused not on enhancing m... [View Full Comment] This weekend I attended a spiritually cleansing retreat called Maitri Chitta Shudhi. Here they spoke about how we build our Sanskaras thanks ro the play of mind in constantly extracting concepts out of our experiences in the world. Someone used the wrong words, wrong tone to my liking, immediately my mind works to extract a concept of must do or must not do : Avoid this person, avoid people who dress, sound or give out energy like him. So from this concept we dilute our capacity to further explore/experience because now mind has caged us into categories and flow chart extracted from the concept of right and wrong we placed thanks to this person. Ergo, we bit by bit with such a process, lose curiosity, being present, rooting and nurturing a habit that life around me must be only to my liking and preferences. Anything not like that, now has the power to disturb me, move me to take actions to oppose/control/rectify it and I am now against teh world. My energy focused not on enhancing my own capacity expansion but using up to bang on the walls of "What is". Then we read some good books and say "we must accept" or learn to ignore what is not in our control. But the brain system, neuropathways are well practiced to the above SOP. I for one am floored to hear that constantly using the mind in order to assess the world causes habitual judgement. Which in turn is detrimental to my well being. Prior to this, I felt exalted : I think therefore I am. Now my realization is : I think, therefore who I have become. i can become, by learning how to think differently, letting my brain neurons be free and know there are 360 ways to view a point. So nothing is fixed. And changing viewpoint does not make me weak rather keeps me young and healthy. In one example someone asked : today my cook did not turn and I had to make breakfast myself which made me late for work. Assess this as what Is in my control. most initial responses said "making and eating your food" is in your control. Whereas the moderator said could be that my relation with the cook is in my circle of influence so he/she could have informed me well in advance and not added to my being late to work ? Is it also not I'm my control to learn to make my own breakfast ? Or forego breakfast and choose not to be late ? We have many choices even in our perspective of own daily life situations, it's just that we don't spend time to extract concepts for our own mental processes. unless we are taught, guided or probed by pieces like these. Thank you. With Smiles indeed. PS : My experience with pain and chronic pain has been extensive. As a Somatic therapist I am here to support if anyone needs a witness or a facilitator, we can explore what healing looks like in different moments. My humble take is : God sends pain your way when he wants you to get closer to HIM. [Hide Full Comment]

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On Jul 2, 2025 Marliese wrote :

Hi, thanks for this little reminder.
I have the experience of pain by accepting it day by day. Pain is there, I feel it but I don’t recognize it. I give it no room to control my life. In rare cases, when It is to hard to endure, I take medication to alleviate my pain.

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On Jul 1, 2025 Jack Talcott wrote :

I would love for some of your commentors to commentors to come on my podcast on youtube at Jack Talcott so we can discuss pain and bring in more pain into out life so we can become super powers of pain. I have created so much pain in my life. I hate my son, myself, and most everyone and I want to reclaim the earth as I have been chosen by god.

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On Jul 1, 2025 Anne Turner wrote :

This was a very interesting & insight how look at pain

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On Jul 1, 2025 Stream wrote :

Aloha- I am a wholistic physical therapist. Much of my career was based in helping other beings resolve physical pain. I learned from being with others experiencing pain and thru my own that relaxation is a first step. Being in the sympathetic nervous system reaction of anger , fear does not allow healing to occur. Getting into parasympathetic and getting out of the way allows my or our natural innate to bring circulation of what is needed to heal and to eliminate what is needed to release. I have a few pains on physical level at the moment. A knee, a wrist, a tooth. There are possible medical or wholistic treatments and techniques to pursue . I am aware that the first thing for me is to accept and feel, allow grief or any underlying shadow beliefs that are holding on to surface and flow. I know that there are always Psycho emotional and spiritual aspects of all physically experienced pains even if mechanical or chemical cause is clear. If I can feel it, I can heal it. And lovin... [View Full Comment]

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On Jul 1, 2025 Brian Besser wrote :

Pain is obligatory. Suffering is optional.

1 reply: David | Post Your Reply

On Jul 1, 2025 Susan B. wrote :

This is a valuable and encouraging reminder of equanimity. I am grateful for this in my early morning here in Mexico. Compassionate Acknowledgment and Acceptance ... For those with constant pain, labeling pain as a concept, seems dismissive, and that perhaps the writer may not understand how debilitating the pain can be... however, accepting the pain, the circumstance at that moment that comes with the pain, and taking wise and compassionate self-care of one's self (slower movement, the need to stop and rest, whatever it may be) is a good thing. This brings calm to the mind and spirit, lessens anxiety and rambling thoughts. This is also a reminder to become equanimous with the residual emotions that come along with any pain we experience - Compassionately Acknowledge and Accept them, Breath, move forward... Something else that I learned from this group nearly 2 decades ago, is in the midst of my pain to be of service to others. Being of service does not take the pain away, but it d... [View Full Comment]

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On Jul 1, 2025 BarbaraS. wrote :

I appreciate this article very much and completely understand what he is trying to say. I realize some people are in physical debilitating pain all the time and it must be very difficult. They must come to terms with the pain in a way that they can live with it. Pain is not our enemy. It just is.

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On Jun 28, 2025 David Doane wrote :

I agree that pain becomes an enemy when we pit ourselves against it. Pain is actually our friend, telling us that something isn't right and needs attention. Don't go to war with pain, listen to it to find out what it is signaling and then address the problem. I don't agree that pain is a concept. The word pain is a concept; pain itself is a real feeling. How I suffer my pain is another issue. I can suffer it wisely to alleviate or at least not increase pain, or I can suffer it unwisely and create more pain. Life provides pain; we provide how we suffer it. When I became aware of that I experienced a shift in my relationship with pain. What helps me stay with awareness is knowing there is reality and there are concepts about reality, and I want to be aware of reality. It helps me to know that sensations, just like everything, come and go, whether I allow that or not. It also helps me to know pain is worth heeding and learning from, not attach to it or resist it.

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On Jun 28, 2025 Jagdish P Dave wrote :

I deeply appreciate Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's reflections on pain. We all experience different kinds of pain such as physical, mental, emotional, relational and spiritual in our life. We cannot avoid it or escape from it. How we relate to our pain is very crucial. We cannot avoid our pain. Denying pain, ignoring pain, resisting pain and fighting pain is not a wise way of relating to pain. Pain is not our enemy. When I go through pain I accept it and take it as a signal to take care of it in a wise way. This way I can be a friend to my pain rather than an enemy. By resisting my pain I fight against my own pain. I turn my "inner world into a private war zone." It is up to me to choose and follow the wise way-neither denying nor fighting but by accepting it. I have had all kinds of pain -physical, mental , emotional and relational-in my relatively long life. As I am getting older I experience more physical pain. Sometimes sad feelings and thoughts about my passing away from this ... [View Full Comment]

Who Is Having This Pain?

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12 Past Reflections

On Jul 2, 2025 Sonia Uttamchandani wrote :

On Jul 2, 2025 Marliese wrote :

On Jul 1, 2025 Jack Talcott wrote :

On Jul 1, 2025 Anne Turner wrote :

On Jul 1, 2025 Stream wrote :

On Jul 1, 2025 Brian Besser wrote :

1 reply: David | Post Your Reply

On Jul 1, 2025 Susan B. wrote :

On Jul 1, 2025 BarbaraS. wrote :

On Jun 28, 2025 David Doane wrote :

On Jun 28, 2025 Jagdish P Dave wrote :

1 reply: Pinky | Post Your Reply