Giving Somebody Your Heart

I was very moved by this one. Recently I came to a sudden and powerful realization that the heart, rather than the mind, is the seat of depth in all interaction - whether personal or professional. While I am still trying to grasp the implications of this, the only way to practice this, it seems, is through truth. By being completely true, and by loving that truth more than anything else, we free ourselves from expectation and unfulfillment. In fact, the ring of truth is enough to silence the ego,which recognizes that the truth is so much more profound. This was especially highlighted by two incidents. When I met a friend who shared his presence so completely, even though we had met for the first time, I felt immensely grateful for helping me be in that space and made me realize the power of truth. Though our conversation was about very simple things, it simply gave everyone space to be honest. The second incident was when I was reading a book - 'Infinite Vision' - about the heart driving the mind and hands, resulting in an unusual service and a powerful work culture. The same thought of the heart being the fuel for everything else came to me. Thrice in one week - now, that is a message...

i have this feeling or experience that if we try to give something for free for exp. a good advice, useful help without being asked and so on. most of times it is taken as negative.people dont understand the meaning of goodness .why? because they themself are not good, so according to their perspective  goodness does not exist.

                              then someone will say that atleast we have done good and leave the rest.no, things dont finish here ,with little time they (whom we helped) start competing with us not a healthy competition but their trial to explain us that we are wrong.then it will take energy to stay away from them or not to listen to them or some other way.

                             altogether it all started with some little pure hearted help.

                            what you think about it?

It's less risky to give someone your heart if you realize that you won't be rejected without your consent, to paraphrase former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt.

After all,  a listener offers his/her response/opinion to what we have offered: nothing more, nothing less.  We, as the sharer of our heart, decide whether or not to swallow the listener's opinion whole, or whether to believe that we are already whole, we are already enough and we don't need the acceptance of others because we have already been blessed with infinite worth by virtue of being alive, despite the fact that we are fallable and imperfect. 

The higher our self-esteem, the less important become the opinions of others. Charles Swindoll said that  "Life is 10 per cent what happens to you and 90 per cent how you react to it."

For me, one of the most profound insights into what Maslow calls becoming a "Self-Actualized" person is to become "independent of the good opinion of other people."  Now that is an empowering insight, I think !!  For years it has been a mantra for me. While it will never be totally attainable, I continue to strive for it and to make modest progress.

I had a painful, on-going relationship for many years with a relative who treated me rudely, critically, and dismissively.  Rather than believe her "opinion" of me, I chose to believe my own opinion: " This is a person who is deeply wounded and in a lot of pain."  She has a hard-shell exterior, but inside, I believe she is sensitive, caring, generous, smart,  loving and scared of rejection/criticism.

As time has transpired,  I continue to be of the same opinion.  She is still in my life, and my initial opinion has not wavered. I continue to love her to the best of my ability and she is now pro-actively seeking to heal her wounds.  I still make the conscious choice to love this relative and I continue to hope that she will grow in her capacity to love herself as much as I love her. My decision to love her is one I can change at any time, but choose not to.

As Oprah would say, a major life task is to turn our "wounds into wisdom," and if we seek to become the best we can be, this goal,  while painful, will be serve us well.  Ancient wisdom says, "A gem is not polished without friction, nor is a man perfected without trials."

In response to a prompt of ‘have you experienced a poignant moment when you gave somebody the real you’, I can’t imagine a day going by without many of these poignant moments.  What are we here for if not to make life less difficult for someone else?  (not my quote)

I do have some most memorable moments.  Each of these moments occurred when I purposefully arranged my schedule to build in down time…allows me to be much more at ease and calm.  Walking meditation and connecting with the homeless, one at a time.  Walking across campus with an empty mind, with the only thought of maintaining eye contact with each teen who looks up, and then smile to acknowledge.  Letting go of the constant distracters in daily life like TV pundits and changing the reality of one student at a time with a moment of listening, engaging, sharing, and encouraging.  Readily picking up the ringing phone even in the midst of a deadline to connect with a colleague in a time of despair or joy.  Being open to the endless possibilities of serendipitous moments; in other words, exercising choices, one breath at a time.

This does not mean that there aren’t times of isolation, meditation, and still quiet moments during the day of work, chores, organizing, and care taking.  It just means relationships, connections, and knowing our lives have meaning help us inspire and empower those around us, or with whom we have random moments of contact with. 

Yes, it does involve a tremendous amount of risk-taking on our parts, and a determined level of confidence…especially for those of us with very little self-esteem.  However, giving somebody your heart is exactly what is necessary to practice over and over, letting go of any thought of the outcome or consequence.  It is the ultimate practice.  The Tao, #9, translated by Stephen Mitchell, ends with ‘…Do Your Work, and Step Away.  The Only Path to Serenity.’  The Gita time and time again quotes Krishna remarking to Arjuna he has no claim to the outcome.  The Sutras mention aparigraha as a yama, which can translate to non-grasping and non-attachment; non-identification.  Giving your heart away is a great place to start a practice of loving unconditionally, even if being shown unconditional love in relationships has not been your experience.

This is how to live.  Unclenching your heart and giving it away is our response to understanding that there is only Love in the universe, and that Love is the ultimate expression of who and what we really are-the jewels in Indra’s net, the finite experience of the infinite, the Divine within.  This Love is what we ‘see’ as the same in each of us, and how we show and share this Love is as diverse as our experiences reveal about ourselves and our journey.   We come to understand sharing this Love as being our responsibility and what we are accountable for during our time here, in this present state. 

One of my favorite songs I will leave you with here:  Give It Away chorus lyrics by Gaither Vocal Band-‘If you want more happy than your heart will hold, if you want to stand taller if the truth were told, take whatever you have, and give it away.  If you want less lonely and a lot more fun, and deep satisfaction when the day is done, then throw your heart wide open and give it away.’  Thank you for letting me share here.

 Every night, while the bath is filling, I play fetch the ball with my dog, Henry. All I need do is start the water and no matter where Henry is, he comes running. I like to play Words With Friends, a scrabble-like game, on my iPhone. I had games going with two or three different players and I decided between throws, I would work on my moves. Well, Henry didn’t like that. I’d throw the ball. He’d fetch. But, on his way back, his little paws would slow and he’d stop. He wouldn’t bring me the ball. I admit, this wasn’t the first time this had happened. It wasn’t the first time I’d tried multitasking while playing ball with him, and it wasn’t the first time he’d reacted like this. However, it was the first time I realized Henry was trying to tell me that those few minutes—the time it took to fill the bath—were his. All his. And I needed to Be There Now for him. I put aside my phone, and played ball.