SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that our attachments are not set in stone? Can you share a personal story of a time you heard your stories clearly and changed them? What helps you be your own therapist?
Soul the life force/inner self is permanent.Eveything else external is impermanent.Learning to Attach with the soul detaching from the body,its manifestations & all things external is my goal.False feeling of deficiency is the source of attachment while soul itself is all powerful and self sufficient."Shivohum Shivohum ShivaSwaroopum.Nityohum,Budhohum, Shudhohum,Muktohum"is the meditation supported by breath to slowly become/remain soul conscious always.
One of the most profound changes I have experienced is recognizing that attachment to the outcome of my actions was the source of negative emotions...emotions that I could eliminate by removing the attachment to outcome. If I choose to do something for another person, there used to be an unconscious attachment to how my action would affect them. I pictured something positive...and if that didn't happen, it made me sad, or angry, or frustrated, etc. Once I became aware of this, I have worked toward doing...or not doing...with no attachment to outcome. I've been asked how one can separate the two because doing something implies a goal...and that goal is the attachment. So why would I be motivated to do anything if I didn't have that goal? I may now be a bit more selective about what I choose to offer in a given situation, but once I started monitoring my attachment to outcome, it has become much easier to do...or not do...and then walk away without looking back. It is not that I "don't care." It's that I realize I don't have the right to dictate the behavior of others.[Hide Full Comment]
We as human beings have physical, mental and spiritual needs and desires. Most of our needs and desires are met in relationship contexts. How our needs and desires are fulfilled makes a significant difference in our healthy growth and development. We need to cultivate wisdom to fulfill each other's needs and desires.
As human beings we all experience suffering in varying degrees. One of the main reasons for our suffering is our craving and intense neediness. Such a state of mind leads to not enough set of mind. When the mind is set on or fixated on that set point, there is always going to be more craving and more grabbing and more suffering.We get heavily and chronically attached or addicted to our craving resulting in ongoing suffering. People who are connected with us also suffer by our wanting more and more from other persons. They feel trapped by our neediness and unreasonable expectations. Both get caught up in this energy draining vicious cycle.
Suffering is an opportunity for growth if we keep our mind and heart awakened and open. Our suffering can be a gateway to awakening. First we need to recognize and accept that we are unhappy. We need to have a clear intention of working on our suffering.With confidence we do the inner mindfulness work starting with breath mindfulness by letting the waves of hurtful thoughts, feelings and emotions come and go. Such introspective mindfulness work requires consistency, resolution and dedication. It is not how much time but how we use our time that heals us.
I have been practicing mindfulness and teaching mindfulness for quite some time. Such practice turns thorns of suffering into flowers of fulfillment and happiness.
May we remain aware of self-created suffering and gain wisdom for making right choices!
Jagdish P dave
"Set in stone" means unchangeable. Nothing is unchangeable or permanent, including our attachments. As a child I learned a lot that I thought was the truth, set in stone, that I was very attached to. It was in my twenties that I began to consider other viewpoints, began to question and detach from old 'truths' and began to attach to new 'truths.' And the process goes on. I've come to believe that attachments are unhealthy and the source of unnecessary pain, and as far as I know, my present attachments are not set in stone -- they are more like stepping stones, and they and I are evolving. I don't have any set in stone attachments. As for therapy, therapy means to heal. Actually no one can heal me but me, and in that sense I am my own therapist -- others can facilitate, and such persons are therapists for me. I suppose the person who has no one but himself or herself as therapist has a fool for a patient. My own psychotherapy helps me be my own therapist. Various people and experiences in my life are therapeutic for me and help me be my own therapist. Now I can allow many people to be therapeutic for me, usually without their even knowing, and that capacity helps me be my own therapist.[Hide Full Comment]
This resonates so much: 1. I am on the morn of embarking on sharing We Become the Stories We Tell both in the US and Canada: the idea is we become the stories we tell ourselves, we create our own narrative. And as you say this narrative (or attachment) is not set in stone. We can change the narrative at any time in many ways. We can change our own role in the story we've created. We can choose to begin a new chapter, make a new choice or decision. We can become aware of the roles we put ourselves and others in and change those too (or at least our attachment or view of them.) :) I have gone through the process of changing my own life story several times. First time back when I was 13. I had been bullied terribly at school, back then, teachers didn't help you, guidance counselors told us it was "our fault." But summer of turning 13, I decided I wanted a new role, not the one being bullied anymore so I auditioned for a play and it turned out I was quite good at it. Theatre gave me confidence and it changed the way I carried myself. The bullying didn't stop completely, but my reaction did. I brushed it off, laughed more easily at it and walked away. It worked. Fast forward to today. I still have negative self talk in my head: I now have a tattoo on my right wrist which says "enough" it is to reframe the story of "Not enough" Every time I glance at my wrist I am reminded, I am enough just as I am. And you are too. Thank you for the perfect post as I head out on my adventure.[Hide Full Comment]