Attachments Are Not Set in Stone
Los Apegos no están Grabados en Piedra--por Robina Courtin
El apego es una palabra muy simple, pero tiene múltiples facetas. En el nivel más fundamental es ese sentimiento de necesidad profunda dentro de nosotros; Esa creencia de que de alguna manera no soy suficiente, no tengo suficiente, y no importa lo que haga o lo que obtenga, nunca es suficiente. Entonces, por supuesto, porque estamos tan convencidos de que es verdad, anhelamos a alguien que está ahà afuera, y cuando encontramos a alguien que desencadena nuestros buenos sentimientos, nos apegamos a conseguir a esa persona, convencidos de que será quien satisfaga nuestras necesidades y nos haga sentirnos verdaderamente felices y contentos. Asumimos que es nuestra posesión, y casi una extensión de lo que somos.
Este apego es la fuente de todas nuestras otras emociones infelices. Porque está desesperado por conseguir lo que quiere, y en cuanto no lo hace -el momento en el que no te llama, o llega a casa tarde o mira a otra persona- surge el pánico y de inmediato se convierte en ira y después en celos o baja autoestima, o cualesquiera que sean nuestros viejos hábitos. De hecho, la ira es la respuesta cuando el apego no consigue lo que quiere. Todas estas suposiciones están arraigadas tan profundamente dentro de nosotros, y nos creemos estas historias tan totalmente, que parece ridÃculo incluso cuestionarlas. Pero tenemos que hacerlo. Y la única manera de hacerlo es conociendo nuestras propias mentes y sentimientos: en otras palabras, necesitamos aprender a ser nuestros propios terapeutas.
El hecho es que el apego, la ira, los celos y cualquier otra emoción dolorosa no están grabados en piedra; Son viejos hábitos, y sabemos que podemos cambiarlos. El primer paso es estar seguros de que conociendo bien nuestras propias mentes podemos aprender a distinguir las diversas emociones dentro de nosotros y aprender gradualmente a cambiarlas. El primer desafÃo consiste en creer realmente que puedes lograrlo. Y eso en sà mismo es algo enorme - sin ese paso estamos atrapados.
La siguiente etapa es apartarse de toda la charla interminable que hay en nuestras cabezas. Una forma realmente simple de hacer eso - ¡es tan sencilla que es aburrida! – sólo te lleva unos minutos cada mañana, antes de empezar nuestro dÃa, sentarnos y centrarnos en algo. La respiración es un buen comienzo. No es nada especial; no hay truco; no es mÃstico. Es una técnica psicológica práctica. Con determinación puedes decidir prestar atención a la respiración - la sensación en tus fosas nasales mientras inhalas y exhalas. En el momento en que su mente divague, vuelve a enfocarte de nuevo a la respiración. El objetivo no es hacer desaparecer los pensamientos; sino no involucrarse en ellos, y aprender a dejarlos ir y venir.
El resultado a largo plazo de una técnica como esta es una mente súper enfocada, y eso te llevará tiempo. Pero el beneficio casi inmediato será que, al intentar apartarnos de todas las historias en nuestra cabeza, comenzaremos a ser objetivos acerca de ellos y comenzaremos lentamente a desentrañarlos, a desconstruirlos y con el tiempo a cambiarlos. ¡Se dice que una de las señales de éxito es pensar que estamos empeorando! Pero no es asÃ. Estamos empezando a oÃr las historias con más claridad, y es entonces cuando podemos empezar a cambiarlas.
Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la noción que nuestros apegos no están grabados en piedra? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de una vez que oÃste tus historias claramente y las cambiaste? ¿Qué te ayuda a ser tu propio terapeuta?
La religiosa budista tibetana nacida en Australia Robina Courtin viaja por todo el mundo enseñando psicologÃa y filosofÃa budistas y ayudando a los necesitados. Es bien conocida por su trabajo durante 14 años con personas en prisiones en EE.UU. y Australia, incluyendo a los presos del corredor de la muerte, la vida y el trabajo de Robina son los temas de la pelÃcula de Amiel Courtin Wilson “Persiguiendo a Buda†(Chasing Buddha) .
Australian-born Tibetan Buddhist nun Robina Courtin travels the world teaching Buddhist psychology and philosophy and helping those in need. Well known for her work for 14 years with people in prisons in the US and Australia, including inmates on death row, Robina’s life and work is the subject of Amiel Courtin Wilson’s award-winning film Chasing Buddha.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that our attachments are not set in stone? Can you share a personal story of a time you heard your stories clearly and changed them? What helps you be your own therapist?
Add Your Reflection
6 Past Reflections
On Feb 13, 2018 saheli gupta wrote :
keihifi have varaity products in their collection such as brands like home theater system , theater speakers denon,tannoy,LD systems, elac etc
Post Your Reply
On Jun 29, 2017 Sunil,Bangalore wrote :
Soul the life force/inner self is permanent.Eveything else external is impermanent.Learning to Attach with the soul detaching from the body,its manifestations & all things external is my goal.False feeling of deficiency is the source of attachment while soul itself is all powerful and self sufficient."Shivohum Shivohum ShivaSwaroopum.Nityohum,Budhohum, Shudhohum,Muktohum"is the meditation supported by breath to slowly become/remain soul conscious always.
Post Your Reply
On Jun 27, 2017 Judy Yero wrote :
One of the most profound changes I have experienced is recognizing that attachment to the outcome of my actions was the source of negative emotions...emotions that I could eliminate by removing the attachment to outcome. If I choose to do something for another person, there used to be an unconscious attachment to how my action would affect them. I pictured something positive...and if that didn't happen, it made me sad, or angry, or frustrated, etc. Once I became aware of this, I have worked toward doing...or not doing...with no attachment to outcome. I've been asked how one can separate the two because doing something implies a goal...and that goal is the attachment. So why would I be motivated to do anything if I didn't have that goal? I may now be a bit more selective about what I choose to offer in a given situation, but once I started monitoring my attachment to outcome, it has become much easier to do...or not do...and then walk away without looking back. It is not that I "... [View Full Comment]
Post Your Reply
On Jun 25, 2017 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
We as human beings have physical, mental and spiritual needs and desires. Most of our needs and desires are met in relationship contexts. How our needs and desires are fulfilled makes a significant difference in our healthy growth and development. We need to cultivate wisdom to fulfill each other's needs and desires.
As human beings we all experience suffering in varying degrees. One of the main reasons for our suffering is our craving and intense neediness. Such a state of mind leads to not enough set of mind. When the mind is set on or fixated on that set point, there is always going to be more craving and more grabbing and more suffering.We get heavily and chronically attached or addicted to our craving resulting in ongoing suffering. People who are connected with us also suffer by our wanting more and more from other persons. They feel trapped by our neediness and unreasonable expectations. Both get caught up in this energy draining vicious cycle.
Suff... [View Full Comment]
Post Your Reply
On Jun 24, 2017 david doane wrote :
"Set in stone" means unchangeable. Nothing is unchangeable or permanent, including our attachments. As a child I learned a lot that I thought was the truth, set in stone, that I was very attached to. It was in my twenties that I began to consider other viewpoints, began to question and detach from old 'truths' and began to attach to new 'truths.' And the process goes on. I've come to believe that attachments are unhealthy and the source of unnecessary pain, and as far as I know, my present attachments are not set in stone -- they are more like stepping stones, and they and I are evolving. I don't have any set in stone attachments. As for therapy, therapy means to heal. Actually no one can heal me but me, and in that sense I am my own therapist -- others can facilitate, and such persons are therapists for me. I suppose the person who has no one but himself or herself as therapist has a fool for a patient. My own psychoth... [View Full Comment]
Post Your Reply
On Jun 23, 2017 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :
This resonates so much: 1. I am on the morn of embarking on sharing We Become the Stories We Tell both in the US and Canada: the idea is we become the stories we tell ourselves, we create our own narrative. And as you say this narrative (or attachment) is not set in stone. We can change the narrative at any time in many ways. We can change our own role in the story we've created. We can choose to begin a new chapter, make a new choice or decision. We can become aware of the roles we put ourselves and others in and change those too (or at least our attachment or view of them.) :) I have gone through the process of changing my own life story several times. First time back when I was 13. I had been bullied terribly at school, back then, teachers didn't help you, guidance counselors told us it was "our fault." But summer of turning 13, I decided I wanted a new role, not the one being bullied anymore so I auditioned for a play and it turned out I was quite good at it. Theatre g... [View Full Comment]