For me, love is oneness. In the largest sense, love is the oneness of all existence. Awareness of oneness means very much to me. When I live from that awareness in relation to myself, others, and all that is, I live and organize in love. In relating to those with very different political views than my own, I fail in living in love. I remind myself that though we are very different in viewpoints, we are one, and I still get myself agitated and distant very quickly -- I have a lot of work to do in that situation. What helps me go deeper in my relationships is awareness that we are different yet we are one and we have much more in common than is different. What also helps me is caring, listening, being respectful, and being open and honest, and awareness of oneness helps me with all that.
I like your connection to 'support'. I'm thinking when there is lack of support for who a person really is, that is a major lack that is difficult to deal with.
Your story seems beautiful, profound, and courageous, that is, that you had the courage to change course based on listening to yourself and what was right for you and the way opened. Thanks for sharing.
There definitely are times I have waited too long, and times I have jumped to rash action. When I listen to my inner truth or voice and take action in accordance with my inner truth, I take action 'as way opens' and am just right, not waiting too long or too little. This involves intentionality in terms of my intending to listen to my inner truth, not intentionality in terms of trying to control what the outcome will be. I've noticed in the simple process of interacting, when I avoid rushing in to say my opinion and I wait for an opening that feels right which sometimes is when my opinion is asked for, for me that is functioning 'as way opens' and the interaction is more positive and fruitful than when I rush in. What helps me wait for the way to open is trusting my inner experience, being in harmony with myself, trusting the process, and not pushing or forcing or being outcome-directed.
From the mouths of babes -- triggering for me heavy thoughts. I believe I have a social image or self, called my ego, and am a real essence or self, called soul. Letting go of ego self is letting go of my image including the roles and trappings by which I am identified. If I freed real self of all that, I'd be untrapped except that essence or soul would still be embodied. If I let go of body too, I would be just essence which is Ultimate Existence and no longer of this world. For me the risk in my learning what I have stated here is to not be part of the thinking and beliefs of the mainstream. I don't understand the third question. What helps me is that my understanding is how I am, it's my truth, and being together with that is satisfying. For me, the world is a burden in some ways and a joy in some ways, and overall I feel freer of the world with the beliefs or vision that I have.
Nonconceptual awareness is awareness without conceptualizing. It's the food, to use Alan Watt's metaphor, not the menu.
Awareness through embodied presence is awareness of and through bodily, sensual, and emotional experience. I have experienced nonconceptual awareness through embodied presence, being aware of what I am experiencing in my body in the moment when with myself and with another. I have related to another what I am experiencing bodily in response to the other, and it is very opening of new perspectives and possibilities. To me, mystery is the unknown and getting a glimpse of what it holds. What helps me open to the mystery is embodied presence, appreciating the aliveness in mystery, and letting myself be purposeless.
My center and everyone's center is always center, so we regain it only in the sense of refinding it and refocusing on it. I usually close my eyes, breathe deeply, and sit calmly in a quiet space, all of which help me look inward and go to my center. What I just described helps me reduce time I spend in anguish. When younger, I was more angry and expressed it easily and too much. I've come to see anger as an unnecessary emotion -- I can disagree, object, be active, assertive, firm, and take positive action without anger. The anger actually get in the way of my expressing well and my being listened to. Now I see complaining also as unnecessary. I only sometimes live up to all I am writing here, but it is a guiding light for me.
Equanimity is inner peace and composure especially in difficult circumstances. It is the opposite of agitation. The more the agitation, the less equanimity. Equanimity is the opposite of 'to lose it' meaning to lose being calm and in charge of self and becoming very upset. When my father died, I sobbed in a way I don't remember ever doing before. Yet I had a sense of being in charge of allowing myself to let go and let myself sob. It was good for me. The opposite of equanimity is to lose being in charge of my upsetness which I might do in a bigger catastrophe or trauma. What helps me avoid attachment to the 'good side' is practicing nonattachment in general. I'm not very good at nonattachment. What also helps me is to remind myself that nothing lasts, the good and the bad pass, and 'this too will pass.'
Love is the oneness of all that is. All that is abounds in complexities. Complexities stem from love in that love includes the complexities of all that is. A personal story: In 1970, I was at Mardi Gras with a couple buddies. We were moving along in a big crowd, halfway drunk, and a guy pulled a knife on us and wanted money. I was feeling warmth and happiness, I doubt I was feeling curiosity, and in a moment of crazy without thinking joking I said, "I'm with him," pointing to the guy with the knife. He look bewildered, turned and walked away from us. It was a moment of me being real and spontaneous and crazy that derailed that scary dangerous happening and saved us from what could have been. I could have been killed. I didn't do what I did with purpose. I couldn't do it on purpose. I couldn't do it again. Lastly, what helps me see more than the tip of the knife is being sure there is more than the tip, wanting to see the more, maybe being in an usual state, and opening my eyes.
Knowledge is what we gain when we creatively play with information, put it together in new ways, expand it, reflect on it, and develop understanding. When I do this, I am personally invested in the knowledge, develop greater understanding and greater ability to use the knowledge and understanding, and perhaps even go to the next step which is to develop some wisdom. As I've gotten old, I have many more times of awareness uncontaminated by approval or condemnation, be that awareness of a person or idea or whatever. I often don't care about approval or condemnation. What helps me grow understanding is when I am open and present, listen to and see what is happening (and not to my preconceived notions), embrace my personal response and experience in relation to what is happening, and give myself time as needed to process what's happening.
The vast majority of activities, and the most remarkable of activities, come with no articulated instruction. I have no idea how I circulate my blood or move my muscles which are beautiful and important activities that I do without instruction or knowing how I do them. Observing nature shows me that everything has its season, and where everything comes from and goes to goes on I believe eternally. I go to the memorial of a dear friend of many years this coming Saturday -- I am sad and miss her physical presence and I know that nonphysical she continues always, and I feel joy and lightness in that. The Serbian saying "Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars" helps me be aware of the noble. Actually, the earth and all existence is stardust, and knowing that very much increases my awareness of the noble.
I think there is the person which is the public image or mask, and there is real inner self. Effort changes the public image but does not change inner real self. The real inner self is whole and good and doesn't need any changing, and our challenge is to allow and become what we really are. Like the author says, that is becoming holy. I think transactional mindset of achievement means goal-directed efforts to make happen what I want to happen. I go beyond that when I let go of trying to control outcome and do what I believe is right action in the moment. What helps me be aware of my reactions and relationships is valuing them, paying close attention without judgment or prejudice, knowing that existence is relationship, and knowing my reactions and how I relate make a difference.
For me, awe is within a person, in one's way of being and seeing, not outside a person. Awe is experiencing with a whelming wonder. I don't think you can make awe happen or practice it any more than you can make falling in love happen -- you can practice being a way that makes awe more likely, such as to practice being present, open, attentive. I experience with awe things that are ordinary (like a leaf, a bug, an acorn) that my 3 year old granddaughter experiences in awe. I awe in relation to her and what she shows me. She's a wonderful guide. A child sees a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, said William Blake. What helps me be in awe is hanging out with my granddaughter, being open, slowing down, being present, unseeing what I learned and seeing anew, letting go of goals and purpose, and being how Jesus said to be which is to be like little children.
I agree with the notion, especially when helping is done for no purpose but to help. When we help one another, everyone benefits. A jump in richness for me was realizing that riches are not money. Riches for me are being alive, good health, good fortune, abilities to do all kinds of activities, other people, nature, and more. In regards to those riches, I have a fortune. I am rich enough and overflowing with riches. What helps me see my cup is overflowing is learning what true riches are, learning that we are one and what I do for another I also do for me and for everyone, and feeling satisfaction when I live all that.
Not only can a big problem become a doorway into transcendence, it is a doorway of transcendence. The issue is whether or not I go through it. Transcendence is in going through it gracefully. Grace is the attributes or gifts that are part of me that I can use to suffer problems efficiently. Suffering is the way a person carries and deals with a difficulty or pain. In dealing with difficult realities, grace I found is ability to be in the present, persistence and courage. Thoughts, worries, and problems constantly come and go, and what helps me deepen in inner freedom is to be in the present and to remind myself to stay present. Also, when I feel passive, down, troubled, what helps me is to hear those as signals and incentives to be present which is to be free and active.
I relate to notion that the process of understanding requires both holding and releasing based on my understanding that everything exists in polarities. Existence is inhale and exhale, in and out, up and down. Understanding is understanding and overstanding, holding and releasing. Understanding is holding on loosely, not with clenched grip, to the understanding that I have and at the same time is open and loose enough that I can release understanding and take in and hold new information. lt's when I 'concentrate' along with being open to release understanding that I emerge with new and deeper understanding. What helps me is learning through experience that only holding on rigidly or only releasing everything didn't work, and I grew most by a combination of holding on and releasing, just like a combination of inhaling and exhaling works best.
I think what I just submitted didn't go through, so I'll try again. If I'm duplicating, it's not involuntary complexity. Voluntary simplicity means to me to choose what is simple. For example, to choose to do one thing at a time and be present or mindful to whom I'm with or what I'm doing -- voluntary multitasking doesn't allow that. I choose simplicity, at least sometimes, in being with others. I seem to be good at having at least most of me present when relating with another. What helps me is knowing that all there is is the present, that the best thing for me to do in a given moment is to be present with the person or activity in front of me, and not split my awareness among various activities at the same time. It helps me to value being above doing, and sometimes I do. Practice has helped me. And it helps me to be with others who are good at voluntary simplicity.
The notion of receiving your next breath opens up for me the notion of there being separation between human me and breathing, and there is none. Human I and receiving my breath are one. I breathe. I can control it, at least briefly, but for the most part human I breathes, no separation. I think of my mind as the hub of my cognitive abilities. There have been times I have abandoned my mind and let emotions overrun my mind. When my father died, I let go into my sobbing and it felt very good and I felt cleansed and relieved. What helps me listen to the space is discovering that such listening is worth doing, the space is the Source, it's peaceful and awesome -- it makes the awesomeness of the space of the Grand Canyon pale.
Gratitude means to me to be thankful, not guilty or indebted, but thankful. I believe it is important to live with a sense of gratitude. There are so many kindnesses I have received, so many incidents of people helping me, for which I am grateful. I didn't ask for or earn so much of what is, or what I use and I am. I was given the understructure of me and given a great deal of help in putting together a structure. for me. I am gift. I am grateful to be thinking about this because it enhances my gratitude now. I experience a peace and calm in gratitude. I believe there is an essence of good in each and every one of us -- that awareness helps me be grateful, and gratitude enhances that awareness.
I believe responses are engendered by the person experiencing them. I agree that compassion doesn't require sadness or sorrow. I do think compassion includes the desire to help. For me, compassion is joining with the other in their suffering their burden, or at least being with and feeling with the other in their suffering their burden, so compassion does include wanting to help. I have had times of experiencing a great deal of compassion that I think could have been moments of life lived in its fullness -- I have experienced a good deal of fullness during such moments but not life lived in its fullness during such moments -- perhaps I don't have enough compassion or enough letting myself feel total fullness. What helps me grow in compassion as a way of life is my believing that we are one and we have the same burdens, so in sharing in others' suffering, others share in mine, and in such being together we are making it all a little more bearable for all.
Wonderful title "Mistaking the world we've made for the real world," and I in the world we've made agree with it. It was probably in middle middle age, more than 20 years ago, that I began to become aware that I see and am conditioned to see a very thin slice of the whole spectrum of what is, and think that is the entire spectrum. I began being aware that my thoughts are within a narrow range that is survival enhancing and survival limiting and even survival threatening. I think the full range would be too much for my limited human self, but the range we created is too narrow -- we do some throwing the baby out with the bath water, some cutting off from the neck down to save our head. What helps me to wake up, see and hear more than my projection is searching, being open, paying attention, discussing, listening, reading, reflecting. I think searching and being open are major ingredients.
Emptying your boat means to me to be independent and focus on my being whole, not make myself like a robot dependent on anyone or anything else for how I am. I think of simple as basic. I'm definitely not always simple though I have. long seen the wisdom of being simple. I don't have a problem with distinction that comes without trying to attain it. If it happens, I like when I let it come and go. There is wisdom in not trying to attain distinction, which trying is manipulative and makes a person dependent on getting it. Trying to attain distinction like any goal-directed trying goes into your boat so that your boat is no longer empty and you are encumbered and less free and independent. What helps me avoid judgment is to let judgment come and go, not hold onto it and nurture it, not put it into my boat, and as I do that I have less judgments.
I believe holding space with someone can be to simply listen attentively and respectfully, which supports and helps a person talk and deal with a personal problem. I usually do more in holding space than listen and witness, including to offer my authentic response in the moment. For me, holding space is providing a container in which a person feels safe, cared about, heard and can be open to talk. I have been provided that space, and there are times I have provided that space. What helps me be with someone in that way is my belief that it is growthful for the other and me. When I do well in such a situation, I'm with the person in the present, I pay attention, I listen and witness, and I share my truth. I'm not judgmental -- I do have judgments and use my judgments along with whatever I am experiencing in being with the person.
Based on my understanding of the teaching of wisdom teachers, I believe thoughts are ephemeral experiences in my eternal real self, and are separate from my real self. My real self is whole; thoughts that real self is whole, and that I or ego self can heal and become whole help diminish the grip of I so that I does heal and become more whole. I can witness my thoughts and dreams because they are not me and are another experience within me. What helps me be a witness to my thoughts and dreams is knowing that they are experiences within me and knowing that I can learn from my witnessing.
Over the years, my awareness has increased of both my arrogance and my humility. I continue to have a lot of believing that my perspective and my way are the right ones, and continue to grow in appreciation of the value of the perspective and way of others. I am clearer that my perspective and way are mine and often of value, and that I learn a lot from the perspective and way of others. I think I experience the world more directly without projecting my beliefs onto it, but who knows. I know I probably always project my beliefs to some degree. What helps me to I think experience more directly without projection is increased awareness of the pervasiveness of my seeing my thinking and my projections instead of seeing what is.
Now my best times are when my purpose is to live and learn and when I travel true to myself without knowing or worrying about what my destination will be. When I live that way and not wait to become someone or wait for something to happen, I have peace of mind. I used to wait until I slowly got tired of holding myself back and hurting myself, and then I started being true to myself and not waiting or trying to control destination. What helps me arrive at fresh clarity about my values and priorities is learning from life experiences, realizing that I am healthiest and happiest when enjoying the process, which is my traveling, and am not destination or outcome directed, and realizing that I get reward from living my values and priorities regardless of the outcome.
Since we are all deeply and inseparably interconnected, inner experience being connected to others and benefitting others is the way we are and the way life is, and if not inner experience and the person degenerate. Disconnected, inner experience quickly shrivels and dies just like a flower disconnected from the rest of the plant. Having retired, my physical connection with others has lessened while my inner connection and spirituality have increased, and I feel a need in myself now for more coming together of contemplation and connection with others and for more coming together of contemplation and putting it into action. What helps me feed my hunger for wholeness is awareness of the one wholeness of all that is, reflection on wholeness, study about wholeness, and meditation.
Grateful means to me to be deeply thankful and appreciative -- it's a feeling that is deeper than thankful. Grateful is a feeling that emerges within me and I notice it. For me, grateful is different than and separate from expressing thanks. Gratefulness happens, giving thanks takes thinking. My feeling of grateful always comes before thinking. First I feel grateful, then I become aware of it, and then I think about my gratefulness and if I will express thanks and how I will express it. One thing that helps me grow in gratefulness is knowing I am always receiving gifts. Enjoying, valuing, and embracing gratefulness also makes it happen more often and helps it grow and helps me grow in it.
Anpetu Waste Win writes about something very important, the value of being quiet, not talking, listening. A favorite quote of mine by Pascal is "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." There are as many voices as there are creatures, no two exactly the same. Over time I've learned to be silent and listen to the earth, or at least to the expressions of it, such as the birds, animals, insects, the wind, and to the many sounds all express, all of which affect me at a level deeper than talking and thinking, and I love it. What helps me grow my words in silence is the silence and patience that allow space and time for words and what they express to grow, not stepping on the seedlings by talking before they have a chance to develop.
To practice is to do a behavior over and over, typically in order to do it very well. I see practice as useful for doing a structured behavior, like a football play or a marching drill or making the same object over and over. The practice I value for alive present spontaneous creative living is alive present spontaneous creative living. That practice is also what helps me grow. I have practiced structured behaviors before putting them into practice, and I've lived present spontaneous alive living which was practice for more of the same, so I've practiced before practice of both kinds. I've gotten better at present spontaneous creative living by repeatedly living that way, not by repeating any particular content. For me, practice of living in present process is alive, and practice of performing repetitive behavior detached from a situation is boring. My mantra is process, not content, and I often practice it. Life is in the process, not in the content.
The metaphors make some sense to me. I believe what we 'vessels' consciously perceive is very limited by our receptors and very filtered mainly through our conditioning that taught us what to see and think, told us what is true and not true, taught us what is reality and what it is not. We to a great extent see our prejudices, expectations, and thinking, and not what is. We navigate through and in Source based on our limited and filtered data, which is a small amount of all that is. My learning from Hinduism and Buddhism has been a big help in becoming aware of how I misperceive data and live in maya or illusions and appearances, and helps me to somewhat regain an innocent state of wonder and appreciation not tethered to utility or survival.
Thanks for sharing the Philippine wisdom. I sure like it and agree with it. The famous psychiatrist Carl Jung said, "It is almost an absurd prejudice to suppose that existence can only be physical."
It may be that beavers and every creature has its own imagination, and that human' imagination is quite advanced. I think colonization is conditioning and enculturation of everything about us including imagination, and it's a kind of cultivation that is very limiting and controlling of imagination. Over the past approx 10 years I became very aware that the world is full of intelligent others. I believe that intelligence/consciousness/spirit is omnipresent, and expresses as all that is including every bird, stone, snake, and person, each expression having its own intelligence and consciousness, each in its own way and to its own extent. I think what helps me develop an embodied awareness of others as alive and intelligent is looking, listening, being open, letting go of at least a little of colonization. I believe the walls, the water, meadows, etc are expressions of awareness and intelligence -- it's we who don't see it and thus are so abusive.
It is so important to get off script, become spontaneous and real, and speak and live from the heart. My every blundering stumble can feed the flame, and it does that depending on how I deal with it. I don't know when I became aware of how little I can see -- It began a long time ago, and that awareness has grown over time and accelerated the older I get. At this point, I am aware I know very little, and I am very happy to have that awareness -- it has taken growth for me to get to that awareness. For me, that I might be wrong is more than a possibility, it is a fundamental understanding. What I come up with as helping me to be open to the possibility that I might be wrong is believing we live in the unknown, believing openness is in my nature and for me to foster that openness, and realizing that openness has very much benefitted me.
Insistence as in trying or forcing doesn't work. When insistence goes against nature, you may interfere with nature for a while but eventually nature prevails. Real essential me or soul me is perfect. Ego me needs improving in that it says I'm not perfect which gets in the way of ego me realizing that real me is perfect. During those brief times that I know and abide in knowing that real me is perfect, I accept that my essence is perfect, and I feel release and at peace. What helps me be comfortable but not complacent with my imperfections is knowing that my imperfections are with my ego and my self-concept, not with my perfect real core self, and the improvement for me to make is with my ego. It helps me to know that is the the human condition, the destiny of being human which I share with every one.
Being at home with the absence of closure is sometimes difficult and when I am at home with it, I am peaceful. For me, many situations and interactions weren't closed or finished. When I've overcome a compulsion for closure it's been by letting go of it, or accepting that I would not accomplish closure, or by realizing that my compulsion for closure (like any compulsion) isn't good for me, or by distracting myself from the compulsion, or by realizing what I really wanted wasn't closure but was to one up the other or retaliate or get in the last word. What helps me stop searching for certainty and focus instead on present experiencing is knowing there is no certainty, becoming good at living with uncertainty and insecurity, realizing that for me seeking certainty doesn't have benefits, and knowing there is only the present.
Wise and clever Nasrudin -- he kept his ring and the man had no ring to think of Nasrudin. My understanding is that reminding is in me, not in an object, and the reminding in me gets stirred. Value is also in me, not in an object -- whatever is valuable to me has value. Emptiness can be full of value by me seeing value, which seeing is in me. My giving makes what I give a gift whether the other takes it or likes it or not. For me, a gift may be a thing or no thing, and a nongift is no gift. Gift is defined by the giving, not by the thing or no thing. I've given no thing gifts such as my caring or my truth in response to which hearts opened, which are wonderful experiences. What helps me see fullness in emptiness is my attitude, for example, an attitude of being open and an attitude of wanting fullness.
I believe that real me is 'inner greatness', and shame is surface me's degradation of real 'inner greatness' me. I think of surface me as ego. Shame indicates surface me is a problem. I see humility as accepting me for who I am. It's surface me that needs some waking up and improving, not real 'inner greatness' me. Surface me has accepted 'inner greatness' me fully shadow and all occasionally when I feel inner I did something really well and/or feel very good about myself. What helps me avoid the trap of comparing with others is knowing that comparing is a losing venture. Comparing distracts me from paying attention to real me and being me. Also, comparing begins my being competitive with the other which for me is another losing venture.
I fully agree that hatred often becomes the operating principle when we lead with rage and fear. I believe rage, fear, and hatred flow from living in separation. There is hatred on both sides in separation -- be it blacks and whites, Jews and Palestinians, reds and blues, haves and have nots. All is one, we are one, and from oneness flows compassion and cooperation. Unfortunately, we don't or won't see our oneness. Many experiences have helped me more often live from compassion. Major ones are marriage, young children, close relationships, psychotherapy, the Vedas, aging and retiring. What helps me is realizing that feelings are different than action, that I control my actions, and that I can feel grief, anger, and fear without putting them into action or being controlled by them.
I think of the sound of the genuine as the sound of one's own inner truth. I listen for and hear the sound of the genuine in myself often. I don't always follow it but often do. At a meeting of 150 people last week, I heard the sound of the genuine in myself and followed it in terms of expressing it, ie, my truth, though I was concerned that what I had to say would not be well received. My genuine was well received and several people commended me for what I said. What helps me cultivate listening to the sound of the genuine in myself is knowing that my genuine is my truth. My genuine is me. To ignore it is to ignore me and deprive me and others of my genuine. Positive response I've gotten for expressing my genuine also helps me listen to and express my genuine.
Brokenness is a thing of beauty when out of brokenness comes a new configuration or new creation with even more beauty, depth, richness, or wisdom than what was. Regarding pain expanding one's capacity for joy, I believe our capacity for joy is great, maybe infinite, and it's our awareness of that capacity and use of that capacity that can expand. Personally speaking, pregnancy miscarriages resulted in adoptions that expanded my embracing my capacity for joy in children and raising children. Joy and capacity for joy with biological children seems a given; adopted children expanded my embracing more of my capacity for joy. Pain can generate wisdom and growth. What helps me expand in love is realizing that we are one. While we express many different ways and have many different experiences of life, we are expressions of one Being or Spirit, and love is awareness of that oneness and living from that awareness.
The definition of knowledge that I most like, and I don't remember the author, is that the -ledge part of knowledge means to play with, have sport with. Knowledge isn't a static body of facts; knowledge is the playing with and being creative with a body of facts. Carrying a raft unnecessarily after its use has passed is a burden, a know with -ledge. I encounter similar and very familiar situations; I don't encounter same situations. Every situation is new. A beginner's mind seems to come naturally for me, thank goodness. What helps me embrace it is my seeing every situation as being new and my being present in every situation. When I do that I and the situation are alive. Fortunately, wonder also seems to come naturally for me. What helps me retain my wonder is the joy, fun, and aliveness of wonder. My 3 year old granddaughter is a wonder-ful reminder, mentor, and help in retaining my wonder.
I love Joan Halifax' description of radical optimism -- that it's not an investment plan and it is a plan free of design, both of which ruin many a good action. Only the radical optimist can bear witness means to me that a person bears witness in doing right action because it is right and not to bring about some desired outcome. Right compassionate pure action is its own reward. My greatest fulfillment is when I express from my truth in the moment without any agenda, not trying to control or manipulate an outcome, and leave outcome to forces bigger than me. What helps me avoid the trap of spiritual materialism is having faith in and living what I have written, and sometimes I do. The mantra that helps me is right process, not outcome.
Since you welcome advice -- I commend you for doing that -- my advice is: Don't say can't. Can't is false. You can let go of feeling hurt and fear and whatever, and you haven't or don't know how to or aren't ready to yet. Those feelings are probably wrapped up in experiences from very long ago that affected you deeply so are very hard to let go of, but you can.
Forgiveness means to me to let go of the hurt and anger I feel in relation to someone and to give forth of myself with care from love. A business boss cheated me out of a fair amount of money many years ago. I let go of the language of blame and self-pity long ago and fairly easily since that isn't my thinking or language, but letting go of the hurt and anger toward that man was very difficult. I have let go of most of it. I never see the man and haven't in a long time. If I ran into him, some ill feeling would probably rise up in me, so I'd probably see that I still hold onto some of it and haven't forgiven 100%. I don't hate him and I don't hate anyone. When I choose love over strong dislike it is by reminding myself that we are one, we are expressions of the same Oneness, and that there is some truth in the other for me to learn from.
Waiting means by definition delaying one's action in expectation of something. To me, waiting without expectation of something isn't waiting -- it's some action other than waiting. There are times I have been open to using time waiting in a way that was worthwhile to me, and I've done that. As far as being present in a relaxed, innocent, and undirected way -- I don't know another way to be present. When I'm not relaxed, innocent, and undirected, I'm not present. What particularly helps me be present is letting go of expectations or goals and being attentive to and responsive to what is happening in me and around me in the moment. Having experienced the value of being present helps me to be present.
Love isn't all about freedom. Freedom is a factor in love without which there is not love, but love isn't only freedom. Love is oneness that includes freedom. If there isn't freedom, the connection or relationship isn't love. It's a bond that binds. Love didn't inspire me to remove restrictions, love includes not having restrictions. To the extent there are restrictions or conditions, wherever they come from, there is not love. What helps me create a relationship that fuels the engine of the other's experience is my wanting for the other to have and be all that he or she is, and for us to have a relationship that allows and fosters that for the other and for me. It helps to be clear about that from first meeting, including however much discussion is necessary. Love including freedom is worth insisting on. Hold onto freedom for there to be love.
What a wonderful story you relate about meeting Paul -- "Consider me your brother" -- a life changer -- thank you for sharing it -- what a difference we can make in one another's lives.
It is a fact for me that everything makes a difference, and that I never know what difference something will make. My way is to know nothing about the person before we meet, not have any premade plan, not try to get the person to feel or be a certain way. My effort is to listen to the person and to what I am experiencing, and respond from a combination of those two in an open, honesst, respectful way, and hope for the best. I trust the process as it's happening. I think when doing that I'm with the person -- I believe each of us is ultimately alone even when very with someone, which I think is preferable to being only alone. I went to lunch with a guy who began the conversation asking me, "What have you been thinking about lately?" I loved that. I've used that, or asked "What's happening? "or "Where are you at?" And then listen. When I do all this, I'm thinking about myself and the other in a way that feels satisfying to me.
What comes to mind is Thomas Keating's quote: "Silence is God's first language, and all the rest is a poor translation." I relate to listening to silence -- I don't know about listening to the shape of silence. For me, silences are part of environments, and silences differ depending on the environment they are part of and they can differ very much. Regarding a time I became aware of different silences is when I was in tense silence, ie the silence in a very tense situation, which felt suffocating, compared to peace silence, ie the silence of a peaceful situation, which felt enlivening and joyous. What helps me listen deeply to the different silences is my valuing silences, knowing there are many different silences, knowing the silences say much, and knowing the silences are what is being expressed just as much as the words or sounds and may be saying more about what is happening than the words being expressed.
I believe what we call the end of the world is the end of the world of our knowing. There is no 'the world'. There is the world of every creature, which is not identical to the world of the knowing of any other creature, and that appearance ends with the end of the creature and its way of knowing. An individual doesn't have to help bring about the end of his or her world -- it will end with him or her. I agree that the world that each individual knows contributes to the worlds future individuals will know. At some point, I discovered that encounters that I have contribute to the world of my knowing. I believe I am alone and not alone, and that I am part of all worlds. Paying attention and reminding myself of that help me remember that. My world is the world of my knowing. It exists as a result of my way of knowing and wouldn't exist without me. I live in the world of my knowing but I don't live for it.
We all do some avoiding and pursuing -- some don't do it "from morning until night," and many do less and less of it as the years go by. I see enlightenment as involving absence of pursuing a goal and absence of having an agenda or purpose, all of which are limiting. I've seen through and beyond the mirage of subject object split during peak experiences; other than those experiences, I remind myself often that I and object appear separate but are one or are different aspects of oneness. What helps me close the gap is my deep belief that all is one existence of which there are a zillion manifestations each of which is different but not separate. It also helps me to minimize goal-directed living and to eliminate have to's, such as having to practice -- have to's are another mirage, a human created mirage, by which we imprison self.
I very much appreciate this essay. The line that stands out to me is "let go of wanting spiritual life to be about us." Wanting it to be about me is a trap of inflation for me. I believe spiritual life is about much bigger than me, it's about what I'll call Being, and I get into the trap of it being about me. I think I'm pretty good at seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary, and yet I can go back and forth quickly and easily between the trap of inflation and seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. I remind myself often that service is its own reward, and activity done for reward or with motive or agenda may look like service but is not really service.
I've long believed order is implicit in life without needing a hierarchical external power. Hierarchical external power typically gets in the way of natural order in life. I think of myself as empowered through others in the sense of empowered through the interrelationship and combination of me and others. I don't think of my doing whatever it is I do for the other's sake. I think of my action being for my sake and fortunately the other sometimes benefits. For me, grace is a gift. I have some control regarding my action but not regarding if or how synergy occurs as my energy and that of another combine and work together. I see synergy as grace because it is a gift.
Life in this universe includes problems. You aren't going to change that, so to curse the universe is to waste a curse. (I think all curses are a waste.) That life has problems is okay because problems aren't just difficulties, they are opportunities to grow. Even though I say that, I try often to control storms, make them go how I want them to go. I believe in letting storms go over me, but I'm not very good at that. I tend to bend reluctantly. I think I surrender more than bend. I don't think some things must go wrong; I think we see things that way when things don't go as we think they should. What helps me be at peace is knowing that, knowing that things happen and change is constant, and knowing that things don't really go wrong, they just don't go as we'd like. That something is going wrong is a judgment call. I am getting better at going with the flow, not trying to control or predict.
For me, Roger Keyes is talking about a great mystery of existence, that all is one giant activity, each is all, each belongs to the whole. Each of us is a child and ancient means to me that each of us is a new configuration (a child) of all that has ever been (ancient). I am of and from all that was. I became aware that everything lives inside me in contemplating statements like Rumi's that I am the ocean within the drop, in learning that all creation is made of the same atoms and elements that over time become part of everyone and everything, and in learning that everything is my perception which is inside me. I let life take me by the hand when I let go of trying to control where I go and how I should be and trust life.
To me, interbeing means what Thich Nhat Hanh says, that we cannot be by ourselves alone and separate from everything else. I agree that every thing is linked and that every thing relies on every thing else. I agree that each person is a continuation of his ancestors, and we are all together. There is no individual without the whole. How one is depends on all the rest. I wouldn't be me without everyone and everything that makes up the whole of which I am part. My awareness has grown that existence is a giant all that participates in action through me and each of us. I occasionally approach being deeply aware of that, and I am awed. One strong and sometimes shocking reminder of the entire lineage that I am continuous with is when I see physical or behavioral or personality features that are like my ancestors.
It's amazing to me that we know how to live, sleep, wake up, and regulate the million things going on in our bodies -- we don't consciously know, don't know how to explain or put it into words, but we know. The turtle has its knowing. Our journey and that of the turtle are rooted in trust of knowing. When much younger, I took chances and made changes that worked out -- maybe I knew beyond conscious or cognitive knowing and was trusting my broader context -- I wasn't aware of what I was knowing. Now that I'm old and more aware, I do a lot of living in trust that a broader context is going on. I change -- I don't do much designing change. I often trust my knowing that is much more than conscious or rational knowing, greatly as a result of the experience of past choices based on not conscious knowing and I'm alive and doing well. I expect I'll be getting on that pond log again for another season.
I assume "our deepest experience" refers to the experience that we are enough as we are. I definitely believe that can be re-known in a moment of surrender and non-seeking. In my experience, moments of letting go and being are moments of awakening and seeing. Problem is it takes many of us a long time or a profound experience to have such moments. The profound experience for me wasn't of belonging but of realizing I'm okay and realizing it is much more important to me to be than to belong, which ironically resulted in me belonging more. What helps me stay rooted in the inner view is having learned that the stuff most important o me, mainly my truth, my happiness, my real self, is there.
Integrity is your most intimacy with yourself because the more integrity you live the more one with yourself you are. I think to live 100% integrity always is an ideal no one lives -- I've lived brief periods of 100% integrity. I often dilute or suppress my truth. When I've lived and refused to dilute integrity, I've been very respected and also been rejected. I think society finds a way to dispose of the person living 100% integrity. To not be disposed of, I think it is important to combine integrity with being smart as to how much, when, and where you live your integrity. I think it is also important to have integrity together with compassion and equanimity. What helps me not compromise my integrity is living some form of what Janice Joplin said, "Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got."
I believe that our original nature is. treasure much greater than we are aware of and is waiting to be discovered. The world cries out "I have what you need, your treasure is out here," but it's not outside us, it's within us. Seeking it outside, believing somebody or something out there has what I need is a mistake. It may take seeking it outside to realize that. There are times I have made that mistake. There are now many times that I let the world go and connect with what is inside me. A simple example for me is when I let go of what I think the world or the other expects, let go of trying to know or control what the outcome will be, and speak or act from my '"original nature" which is my inner experience, my heart or soul, and being that way usually turns out very well. What helps me let go of my addictions to external objects is knowing that happiness, satisfaction, and what I need is within me, knowing that addictions are not good for me, and knowing that my truth and "nature" are my treasure.
In my experience, finding one's voice is a precious find anywhere. It was easier for me in a group in which I was well known for a long time and felt the care and support to speak from my heart which was also me finding my voice. I still have difficulty finding my voice at times. For me, genuine caring doesn't exclude intellectual knowing, or vice versa. I can genuinely care speaking from my intellect or from my heart -- my caring is more evident when I speak from my heart. When I speak from my heart, my heart is primary and my intellectual knowing is secondary, and that is different for me and the listeners than making my intellectual knowing primary and speaking from my intellect. What helps me to fit (meaning to be accepted and enjoyed) is to be me, not try to fit or impress, not give a presentation, be present, and speak from my heart and from what I am experiencing as I am speaking.
I don't think kindness is ever a vice. I think it's important to also be kind to self (I think that is included in one's soul's calling). We search. We learn. Thanks for sharing.
I like what you wrote and shared. Thanks. Somewhere along the way I learned that virtue is its own reward -- I remind myself of that and sometimes live it.
For me, nice means doing what's expected and being agreeable, and kind means being caring and helpful. For me, nice has a negative connotation of faking and trying, and kind has a positive connotation of genuineness. However, both nice and kind can be faked, can be done to please, can be goal-directed, and either one can be genuine. I can extend myself being nice or being kind. I was more into being nice when young, and am more kind now. You never know for sure from where someone is coming. I have often endeavored to make an interaction meaningful, sometimes out of being nice, sometimes out of being kind, sometimes trying, sometimes being sincere and genuine. What motivates me even when it's hard and inconvenient is sometimes wanting to be kind, sometimes wanting to be nice, sometimes wanting to impress, sometimes a sense of responsibility, sometimes simply being me, and probably more.
For me, 'the empty well of original bliss' is no thing, is what we call God, is outside of time and space, is formless existence, is Pure Being, some of which took form becoming whatever is material in space and time. Not only does something come from nothing or the empty well, everything comes from nothing. For me, I haven't gone beyond inspiration and illumination -- I've responded to both resulting in my awareness and vision expanding. I was presented with the viewpoint that all is one, that all existence is one action, and I seem to have grabbed hold of it, it took root in me, and I cultivate it. That awareness helps me reorient toward seeing that nothing and everything are one, that whatever looks opposite -- such as separate and together, I and the other, inside and outside -- are 'both and', not 'either or', are one. What helps me is being open to and growing in that understanding.
Reclaiming your chicken means to me less focus on head activities like thinking, planning, worrying, expecting, and judging, and more focus on body including what I am experiencing, feeling, and sensing. I've experienced peace. I'm sure my experiencing of peace involves my nervous system and may be throughout my whole nervous system but I don't experience peace throughout my whole nervous system, at least I'm aware of it as such -- I just experience peace. What helps me feel harmony in any situation is to live in harmony, that is, to live with my behavior, my thinking, and my feeling to be in harmony. In those times I've got my stuff together, I'm in sync.
I subscribe to caring. Interpreting my "internal life" to mean what I am experiencing in a given situation, my physical life harmonizes with that naturally, and sometimes that shows and sometimes I try to not let it show. I interpret my "inner world" to also mean what I am experiencing in a situation, and I sometimes harmonize my outer action to that and sometimes force myself to act in a way that is not in harmony with my inner world. For example, I have felt anxious or scared or irritated in my inner world and forced my outer action to hide that and act otherwise. What helps me welcome strangers is that I genuinely care, which I value, and I am fairly good at being present and not behaving with strings attached. Having strings attached is conniving. Judgments happen, I know I can be judgmental, and it helps me to acknowledge all that and take my judgments into consideration while being open and welcoming with some cautiousness.
I like this piece -- I think it comes from the author's deep self. It reminded me of hearing myself say one day that having friends is overrated, alongside my knowing that friends have been life saving. I have had times when someone's response triggered my barely functioning, and times that a table top triggered thriving. You never know. I take 'rest in actuality' to basically mean be present, "appreciate what's in front of you." What helps me rest in actuality is realizing that the present is really all there is, and knowing of no better way to be than to be present. All the rest is duplicitous adaptation. Lower your expectations, or better yet, get rid of your expectations and be present. Forgive others -- we participated in whatever we're not forgiving those others for -- and forgive yourself. Have more dearest freshness and less dearest shoddiness.
I love your comments -- "bathed in the consciousness of pure love" -- and you felt whole like never before, and can still access that. Beautiful. I can relate -- holding and hugging a baby I felt in (as in within) Love -- nothing like it in this human life, and some of it stays forever. Thanks for sharing.
My understanding is that love is way beyond thinking. It isn't necessary to learn to love or will to love. Love is natural. If you want to be a full human being, it is necessary to allow, accept, open to and live from the love that you already are. As far as I'm aware, my seeking, wanting or pursuing love get in the way of my experiencing love. Even when I have sought, wanted or pursued love, love has happened and surprised me aside from and in spite of my efforts. The most I do is let myself be available to love. Krisnamurti says love requires self-abandonment, which to me means love requires me putting down my defenses, being open, honest and vulnerable. What helps me love is complying with that requirement, that is, self-abandonment. What also helps is knowing how wonderful love is. One love experience results in wanting more.
The river within is also the river without. There is one river, and everything is part of the one river which is the source of all. There are times that I jump into the river within. For example, in relating to someone I have jumped into the river within, jumped into what I am experiencing and related from it, simply being present in it and from it as I am with and relating to the person with me, having no agenda, not knowing where I or the current would go. Jumping into the river within in that way has always been positively magical. My having had a glimpse of the river that we are all of helps me look around in wonder.
Thank you for this wonderful essay. Vigilance seems be what Krisnamurti refers to as pure observance or choiceless awareness, which to me is pure open unadulterated awareness in the present to what is happening, which is what each of us essentially is and we go away from. I like that the author says we are vigilance and says vigilance is sacred and is bliss. There can be vigilance while active and inactive. I am being vigilance when I am aware and present to and with what is happening, free of judgments, prejudices and preconceived notions of any kind. If I am ever that, I am for moments at a time. What helps me be vigilant about what has not moved is knowing that all creation is moving and not moving all the time. For me to be vigilant with creation is for me to be vigilant of what is moving and not moving, what has moved and what has not moved.
No end to this human lifetime would probably be difficult and boring; the end to it will probably also be difficult, though probably not boring. We don't know when this wonderful duration will end, so it makes sense to me to make the best of it. My beliefs: Change is always, death is change, and silence will occur just as it does in the present. "We are nobodies" -- we or the essence of us are not bodies. Love is oneness, we exist within oneness or love, change and death occur within love, and love is infinite, eternal, and much bigger than change and death -- if that is what the author means by love is the only revenge, I agree. By not committing suicide and staying alive, I gamble on humanity, I stay in the game, I commit life unto life. What helps me to life unto life is that I find the trip or experience satisfying, I enjoy life and the learning and growth that occurs in it, and I want to play out this human life until it ends.
That's quite a thing that you took that nine hour bus ride back home -- I'm impressed. I think we grow in the back and forth, the going home and the coming back to now.
Total unplugging seems extreme. A balance of unplugging and plugging seems healthy and satisfying. I don't think unplugging is a prerequisite for profound connection, but I think it can be a help. Genuine and deep communication means to me communication that is genuinely caring, honest, open, respectful, and personal, which communication is also intimate. I engaged in some of such communication just this morning which happened to be after a time of silence and reflection. For me, genuine and deep communication is recharging, just as genuine and deep solitude is. Surface communication is unfulfilling and boring, just as surface silence is. I can disengage from myself and others when in solitude or with others. I avoid the trap of disengagement when I maintain genuine and deep communication with myself when alone and with myself and others when with others. Accomplishing either can be a challenge.
I believe how we wrestle especially in live or die situations is who we really are, and they may bring out the best and the worst in us. A major wrestling with my heart occurred when I was 21. I was on a career path that was known and secure for me but no longer was right for me. To change was to go against what I had thought I wanted for a long time and go against mother's wishes and go against the expectations of some significant others, and it would be a step into a scary unknown. My heart was telling me to make the change, and my head and fear and wanting to please was telling me to stay put. I went through several weeks of agonizing gut wrenching anguish and wrestling within myself, and the life or death of my spirit was at stake. I followed my heart. I took a big leap and once I made the decision I quickly knew I made the right decision for me. I didn't grow a new heart -- I grew a new me, that is, a me that was more self and heart trusting and more clear and strong as to who I am.
There is an essential me that perceives appearance through a human body and world, all of which is given to me, not created or earned by me, so it is a gift. I very much believe that beyond appearance is ultimate existence, that is, one existence or activity that includes me and all that is, all of which comes from the same source and is made of the same stuff. Love is living in and from awareness of that oneness. I sometimes have and live from some of that awareness, and in such times I am to some degree being in love. I believe the essence of me as well as everyone and every form in creation is an expression of Infinite Self or Ultimate Reality or God or whatever name is used.
On Mar 15, 2024 David Doane wrote on Organizing With Love, by adrienne maree brown: