Listening As An Act Of Transformation

In interpersonal communication, we want the other person to fully understand us and such understanding takes place when we deeply, non-judgmentally and patiently listen to the other person. Such communication creates a bridge of wholesome and authentic relationship rather than walls of misunderstanding and annoying and futile arguments.This  is what the rabbi does in this short but elegant story.

I run into such transactions quite often in my class room and on the play ground when two children got into the stance of "I am right and you're wrong." Like the rabbi, I fully, deeply and no-judgmentally listen to each child and ask relevant questions. It doesn't take much time. At the end each child  like the villager in the story says, " I have nothing more to say." and joins each other's hands. Such experiences slowly and gradually create a big change in their communications and relationships. What helps me have the patience and commitment to listen to them deeply is my deep and genuine caring for my students.

When my wife passed away six years ago, my heart was filled with heavy sadness. As I was going through the grieving process, people close to me let me grieve and express my sadness. They listened to me deeply, non-judgmentally, patiently and affectionately.Their devoted attention and non-judgmental and supportive presence was instrumental in healing me.

May we cultivate the qualities of deep listening to build between people rather than walls!

Namaste.

Jagdish P Dave

When listened to we feel valued, when asked reflective questions and if we have anything more to say, we feel both heard, valued and perhaps even understood. This is what so many are aching for in the US and in the world that is so hurting. So many feel unheard and in turn unvalued and misunderstood. When we feel listened to by someone fully present we feel that we do have value and that our voice matters. I've been listening deeply for a long time and even more so since the 2016 election. I've made my social media a space for listening and for compassion and because of this I've had people on all sides message me and converse with me. I've had people share their deep experiences and thoughts. And just last week, totally unrelated to the US, while I was in Albania presenting a Communication Workshop.  One of the attendees approached me afterwards and started to share some of his life story. I listened, providing space and then he shared he struggled with depression. I listened. And then I hugged him and whispered,"I've been on that journey too." He shared more. I felt deeply honored that he would share something so deeply personal especially at a work related training. We ended up making time to have breakfast together the next morning. We listened to each other across our cultures, providing space. It was wonderful. I think the patience to listen deeply comes from knowing what it feels like to be listened to myself and from the responses from others who are so grateful to have that space created for them too. <3