Listening As An Act Of Transformation

Doug Lipman
474 words, 38K views, 11 comments

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Apr-02-2018

Zuhören als Akt der Transformation
-von Doug Lipman

Zwei Dorfbewohner kamen zu einem Rabbiner mit einem Zwist. Als der Rabbi sie einlud, sich hinzusetzen und darüber zu reden, schauten sie sich an, als wollten sie sagen: "Wenn du dich an diesen Tisch setzt, dann werde ich es nicht tun!" Endlich saßen sie mit verschränkten Armen am Tisch des Rabbiners und warfen sich wütende Blicke zu.

Dann sagte der Rabbi: "Hast du noch etwas zu sagen, Shlomo?" Ja, Shlomo behauptete, er habe mehr zu sagen. Der Rabbiner hörte Shlomos Antworten und stellte ihm Fragen, bis Shlomo endlich etwas friedlicher sagte: "Nein. Ich habe nichts mehr zu sagen."

Dann wandte sich der Rabbi dem anderen Dorfbewohner Moshe zu und fragte: "Was ist passiert?" Der Rabbi hörte ihm zu und stellte ihm Fragen, bis auch er sagte: "Ich habe nichts mehr zu sagen."

Der Rabbi erhob sich vom Tisch, um den Raum zu verlassen, und sagte: "Ich werde darüber nachdenken und mit einer Entscheidung zurückkommen."

Weniger als eine Minute später kam der Rabbi zurück, setzte sich wieder an den Tisch und sagte: "Ich habe mein Urteil gefällt." Der Rabbi beschrieb ihnen das Urteil. Shlomo und Moshe sahen einander an und sagten: "In Ordnung. Das löst das Problem." Sie schüttelten sich die Hände und gingen.

Ein anderer Mann war im Raum gewesen und hatte das alles beobachtet. Er sagte zum Rabbiner: "Du hast die Lösung in einer Minute gefunden. Warum hast du sie so lange reden lassen, obwohl du die Antwort sofort kanntest?"

Der Rabbiner antwortete: "Hätte ich nicht auf die ganze Geschichte eines jeden gehört, hätte jeder meine Entscheidung missbilligt. Es war nicht mein Urteilsvermögen, das das Problem gelöst hat. Was es löste, war, ihre ganzen Geschichten zu hören."

Kernfragen zur Reflexion: Was hältst du von der Vorstellung, dass es das Zuhören und nicht das Urteil war, das die Transformation verursacht hat? Kannst du eine persönliche Geschichte von einer Zeit erzählen, in der das Zuhören eine Veränderung in deinem Leben bewirkt hat? Was fördert bei dir die Geduld und das Bemühen, genau zuzuhören?

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Hier eine Nacherzählung einer alten chassidischen Geschichte, die Doug Lipman in diesem Artikel wiedererzählt hat.

Above is a retelling of an ancient Hasidic tale, retold by Doug Lipman in this article.

SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that it was the listening and not the judgment that caused the transformation? Can you share a personal story of a time listening deeply caused a transformation in your life? What helps you have the patience and commitment to listen deeply?

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11 Past Reflections

On Mar 31, 2019 ali raza wrote :

nice wording .

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On Apr 4, 2018 Elizabeth Taylor wrote :

If a friend/acquaintance talks on and on in a negative and blaming tone, how is best to deal with this? Listening in silence seems to encourage the blaming and the negativity? I have found it less than helpful to remain silent at such times, and have felt the need to propose alternative ways of thinking. Otherwise, the individual just seems to continue with endless streams of vitriol towards whomever/whatever is the current target, and not to move out of this mode? Patient, silent, "compassionate" listening does not always work when people seem determined to remain aggrieved?

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On Apr 3, 2018 Devendra wrote :

Listening is an art but listening other's story/ issue/ matter with compassion.....is like service to GOD. It will unite/ heal and spread love to the world.

1 reply: Jo | Post Your Reply

On Apr 2, 2018 Jagdish P Dave wrote :

In interpersonal communication, we want the other person to fully understand us and such understanding takes place when we deeply, non-judgmentally and patiently listen to the other person. Such communication creates a bridge of wholesome and authentic relationship rather than walls of misunderstanding and annoying and futile arguments.This is what the rabbi does in this short but elegant story. I run into such transactions quite often in my class room and on the play ground when two children got into the stance of "I am right and you're wrong." Like the rabbi, I fully, deeply and no-judgmentally listen to each child and ask relevant questions. It doesn't take much time. At the end each child like the villager in the story says, " I have nothing more to say." and joins each other's hands. Such experiences slowly and gradually create a big change in their communications and relationships. What helps me have the patience and commitment to listen to them deeply is my deep and... [View Full Comment]

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On Apr 1, 2018 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :

When listened to we feel valued, when asked reflective questions and if we have anything more to say, we feel both heard, valued and perhaps even understood. This is what so many are aching for in the US and in the world that is so hurting. So many feel unheard and in turn unvalued and misunderstood. When we feel listened to by someone fully present we feel that we do have value and that our voice matters. I've been listening deeply for a long time and even more so since the 2016 election. I've made my social media a space for listening and for compassion and because of this I've had people on all sides message me and converse with me. I've had people share their deep experiences and thoughts. And just last week, totally unrelated to the US, while I was in Albania presenting a Communication Workshop. One of the attendees approached me afterwards and started to share some of his life story. I listened, providing space and then he shared he struggled with depression. I listened. A... [View Full Comment]

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On Apr 1, 2018 david doane wrote :

This essay by Doug Lipman is for me a beautiful and powerful story. It expresses a lesson that I am still learning. I know that listening allows and facilitates transformation. We heal and transform from inside out, and what we need is a chance to let our inside out, and someone listening nonjudgmentally makes that easier. Feeling deeply listened to facilitated my opening up, expressing me, and learning more about myself. Feeling deeply listened to I felt accepted which enhanced my self-acceptance and self-confidence and being myself, all of which were significant transformation in my life. What helps me have the patience and commitment to listen deeply is knowing the transformative power and satisfaction of deep listening both for the one being listened to and for me as the listener.

1 reply: Beautiful! | Post Your Reply

On Mar 31, 2018 Denis Khan wrote :

listening to what is unsaid is more important than listening to what is said.