Giving Within For-Give-Ness

Forgiveness is an extremely important topic in relieving one of negative energies. The thought here is beautiful and the space of spiritual learning has been made BIG by the generous, beautiful and true writings.

What a space to spend quality time on and learn so much from each-others's experience. I feel indebted to CF group and internet for making it possible for such profound discussions to reach home. 

Forgiveness has been cleansing, bringing back time, energy and happiness for me too. When I was able to forgive myself and allow the learning phases instead of challenging and fighting with my own self, it opened up so many possibilities for me. I became much more peaceful, integrated and could do more than before.

When forgiving and forgetting come into practice, the stage of getting angry or upset or feeling victimsed may still happen when some wrong is done, as per my experience. However, the speed with which one can forgive and forget increases with practice .I did find myself able to forgive even during the process of getting angry once and now find most grudges vanishing quickly and an enhanced ability to allow learning for others and self. This has been possible with more interaction with CF folks and readings on these wensites.

All of you are responsible for bringing so many positive changes to habits and thoughts which were grounded and causing problems for 30+ yrs.I was even unaware of my role in creating difficulties and had no idea those could be resolved with a change in thinking process. 

Please, keep sharing generously, open-mindedly and with an intention to love and serve as above. It may create magical changes in someone's life in some way.

Love u all!

Gayathri - You touched my heart, and I feel compelled to write 

People often forgive others externally (thru gestures, words, actions etc), but I feel that the true forgiveness is about gracefully letting go of the pain or hurt that we experience within (this pain or hurt we believed was caused by an external event or a person). This "letting go" is more of an internal shift than anything external. I feel that this internal shift within the person forgiving manifests in the form of compassion towards others.

Ouu, this is such a rich story!  There is a piece to "turn the other cheek" that I wish I could remember better, something about that act that forces the person hitting to treat the person being hit as an equal.  The left hand wouldn't have been used at the time, so the open right hand would have had to be used, if Jesus turned his cheek.  Something in this speaks to the importance of intentional non-violent resistance, and not allowing/accommodating injustice (as possible in one's personal power) - PRIOR to the act of forgiveness.  I'm still sorting the pieces of this version out, in my own life...I think it's important to think about what happens before we forgive, how we sort out what is right and wrong (according to our own truths) first, before we can start the path to giving for giveness, otherwise we miss a crucial step of learning.  Loving-kindness I think one can give 100% of the time, no problem.  Forgiveness, though, I can't put my finger on exactly what it is... I think merits additional consideration.  Good stuff!  Thank you for passing along!

Very impressive thought, thanks..Forgiving is not easy especially when the situation cause you a lot of pain. They say to forgive is to forget but i could really say its hurting forgetting in other means is so much difficult. I have such experiences somewhat like this before, there is one person whom i know for long there's something in him i couldn't understand the way he treated me that feels me like im so unfortune living this world his superiority marks in my mind and pains remains in my heart. For those days I was begging to God to forgive me for what i felt to that person, almost everyday I curse him because of the hatred i felt and sometimes the word REVENGE comes to my mind. But suddenly a miracle happen God will not allow me to do so of the things i planned, the holy spirit works within me. Such this word F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N-E-S-S soften my mind and heart that drives me to forgive the person whom I hated. There was one thing i was discovered after the moment we reconciled. It was unexpressingly felt somewhat like thorns was pulled out from one side of your heart .Thus, forgiving is also releasing of pains and is great for healing wounds in your hearts. Forgive one another for everyone of us is not perfect to what we expect or not to do wrong. For God Himself did it for us sinners. May GOD bless everyone!

Trusting the deepest inner truth is key to this concept of forgiveness.  While religion can be the path to God, it actually is the external mind manifestations of what is internal heart vibrational connection to all that is.  That said, forgiveness is an extention of dropping the ego and embracing the experience we refer to as life.  We all may be doing our best each day, and moving closer to the realization that in 'each experience the infinite is having a finite experience' (quote from one of my teachers).   Ego sets boundaries, creates judgments, perpetuates dualism-good vs evil, right vs wrong...Forgiveness is a tangible act of remembering we are much more than the vessel we inhabit during this lifetime and that kindness and acts of generosity are healing in light of the distraction of ego centered action.  When I was young and impressionable, involved in the activities of the church, I was constantly alarmed by the lack of Love shown between members of the church.  A common concept I heard within the gossip was hypocrisy.  Members were saying one thing within the church walls, and their actions in the community were broadcasting something quite different.  Forgiveness seemed like an act of pulling teeth.  As I have come to the present time of my journey, I realize we have tendencies to be 'confused by the idea we are a person' (quote from another of my teachers), someone who can be hurt and wounded by the actions of another.  The times I am most at peace is when in the midst of a conflict, my heart watches and marvels at the ego's struggle for righteousness and survival, realizing at that moment there is just experience, and no need for forgiveness...just Love.   

Wow:  What does one say to this?  What do we say...   Other than - Thank You...

 As children we are closer to our feelings and we are motivated to repair our broken relationships by forgiving because we rather be friends and play together. Being able to truly forgive is more of a possibility when we are able to be in touch with our innocence. Dag Hammarskjold says this well:  "Forgiveness is the answer to the child’s dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.” But then, it can be easier to forgive others then our own selves since it often requires us to let go of our unforgiving selves.

Hi Viral,

 Thanks for giving me the opportunity to respond to the beautiful statements and questions you send.

The following was written before I read the piece on forgiveness.

Giveness is similar to kindness. Living well is being kind. Living is for being kind; for giving. I once read that a root of the meaning of the word " understanding” meant that when one understands, one forgives.

Written after I read Bernard’s comments on forgiveness:

Excellent and inspirational. If we constantly forgive, we are constantly kind. When we are kind,  I expect there will be fewer occurrences precipitating the need to turn the other cheek. Forgiveness is for giving/kindness.

The last listing on Sheldon Kopp's eschatological laundry list is: "learn to forgive yourself again, and again, and again.” The first item on his list is: "this is it."

You continue to have my deep gratitude.

Conrad Pritscher

When someone hurts/harms me out of ignorance, I find it much easier to 'turn the other cheek,' than when I'm hurt with intention.  What has helped me when I'm intentionally attacked is 1. to observe my bodily pain  2. recognize that the other person is in pain too, and the pain they're giving me is just a small fraction of their own pain  3. remember the most severe physical pain I've been able to endure calmly so I can muster the strength to keep calmly observing  4. speak only after pain has mostly subsided  5. let first words be those of acknowledgement, followed by apology for the role I played in the other's pain  6. hug or smile as soon as possible, if possible :-)  Marriage has taught me more about forgiveness than anything else in my life because arguments and even silent disagreement spoil the atmosphere more quickly than anything else, laying the basis for continual escalation.  Paraphrasing the wisdom of Sun Tzu as heard from a 4th grader, "Those who win arguments will want to argue more.  Those who lose arguments will want to win arguments and thus argue more."  Forgiveness is the only path to peace and sanity.