A powerful moment in My Fair Lady is when Henry Higgins's mother commiserates with a sobbing Eliza Dolittle. Eliza is distraught because Higgins did not congratulate her after an exemplary performance at the royal ball when the crown prince himself took the first dance with her.
She rebukes Higgins by comparing him to Colonel Pickering, who treats a flower girl as if she were a duchess. Higgins retorts that he treats a duchess as if she were a flower girl and asserts that he treats everyone the same.
Eliza wanted to feel important and be treated that way.
So do you. So do I. And so does most everyone else.
The problem arises when we want this recognition and applause to come from a specific person or group of persons. Every time our emotional well-being is affected by whether someone else acknowledges us, we construct a prison around ourselves and hand that person the key.
Why would we do that? Why would we ever want to do that?
We do it because we never thought about it and because everyone around us is doing the same. Do we really want our happiness to be controlled by the spigot of other people's attention and acclaim?
Our job as a flower is to bloom. Our fulfillment lies in that.
The rose that blossoms in the wild is not a whit less than the one that does so in a show garden.
Srikumar Rao is business-chool professor and author. Excerpt above from his book, Modern Wisdom, Ancient Roots.
Seed Questions for Reflection
How do you relate to the notion that 'the rose that blossoms in the wild is not a whit less than the one that does so in a show garden'? Can you share a personal story of a time you were able to find freedom from a need for recognition? What helps you stay true to your nature, just like a flower's job is to bloom?
inspirational read. . .gives me a purpose of coming in this journey of life through time.
KI
Kiki
Oct 24, 2022
There is the phrase, ‘Bloom where you are planted.’ I have come to invert it to , ‘ Plant yourself where you may bloom.’ In this way, I am not obligated to stay in soil that is toxic to my nature. Maturing means I begin to know the difference between simply avoiding that which causes discomfort and actively nurturing toward my own flourishing. This can include some weeding and composting of thought patterns, social situations, and activities. A garden in process.
CA
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Oct 22, 2022
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Johanna
Oct 22, 2022
This is great message wrapped up in a misogynist example. There is so much more to My Fair Lady than just Eliza’s desire for the recognition and love of Prof Higgins.
I loved this reflection, as I think it sits at the core of so much of the unfulfilled potential of our public service sectors. The blooming flowers of our academy might unveil truth and understanding, but often this desire for approval and acclaim turns it into what Herman Hesse called the glass bead game. Everywhere I go - the NGO sector, philanthropy, journalism etc, there's the same priority placed on status and recognition. And while it provides powerful ego-fuel for accomplishment, it often feels limiting of our true promise and potential, individually and collectively. What a wonderful thing to identify that and seek, individually and collectively, to become free of it...
SH
ShyamOct 18, 2022
Thankyou for sharing this profound truth. Everywhere we seek this ego fuel and it limits our ability to serve unconditionally , to love unconditionally
This makes me think that if we connect with our natural state, we can find peace. Our natural state of being just IS, it does not require a mask or adornment because it is pure.
Greetings, My job is to help people. I'm a quiet mindful person and very low key. Most times the manager doesn't acknowlege the thanks I get from the people I help. I remind myself "Im helping people" and I thrive, improve and feel grateful for the opportunity. Kindness, mindfulness, peace is how I bloom.
Am reminded of a quote , " Nothing can affect us, unless we allow it to do so ".
As long as we are able to find the true meaning of our being on this planet, which is akin to a flowers's job to bloom, there is nothing which should affect our happiness.
The moment we start seeking appreciation, recognition of our efforts, being appreciated by others, our joy and happiness in just blossomimg like a flower , gets compromised. It falls in other's hands.
Remember a personal story. We started a group wherein we were providing ration and medicines during the onset of Covid. Some newspapers covered the story and surprisingly it highlighted just a few of the persons in the group who were otherwise well known and connected. My family told me , you are doing so much but your name does not appear anywhere. I did not comment or do anything about it.
To me it did not matter. My ' job" was to serve the needy and that I was doing. The joy and happiness in doing my bit was all I needed. But... View full comment
Am reminded of a quote , " Nothing can affect us, unless we allow it to do so ".
As long as we are able to find the true meaning of our being on this planet, which is akin to a flowers's job to bloom, there is nothing which should affect our happiness.
The moment we start seeking appreciation, recognition of our efforts, being appreciated by others, our joy and happiness in just blossomimg like a flower , gets compromised. It falls in other's hands.
Remember a personal story. We started a group wherein we were providing ration and medicines during the onset of Covid. Some newspapers covered the story and surprisingly it highlighted just a few of the persons in the group who were otherwise well known and connected. My family told me , you are doing so much but your name does not appear anywhere. I did not comment or do anything about it.
To me it did not matter. My ' job" was to serve the needy and that I was doing. The joy and happiness in doing my bit was all I needed. But I know , it was tough for the family to understand.
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DD
David DoaneOct 18, 2022
I love your reflection and the personal story you shared. Thank you. I know that how I feel is mine, not created by or caused by anyone else, and I live that most of the time now. I've for a long time known my purpose is to blossom, the same as for a flower or animal -- the biggest problem over the years has been staying out of my way. I've learned too that when I do right action, which is 'my job' as a person, it is its own reward.
SG
Shyam GuptaOct 18, 2022
Thankyou for the kind words. Also reminds me a quote a friend shares." Bloom where you are planted "
SA
sashimi
Oct 17, 2022
The rose that is being itself in the wild is the same as a rose that is being itself in a show garden. They are both equal. I find freedom when I am in solitude, or at the worst of it, isolation. However, I can also find freedom by checking in with my Self. Knowing my intentions and doing the best I can for the sake of the task itself, helps me to find that freedom.
NI
Nina
Oct 17, 2022
I am all for freedom, especially freedom for the need to be recognized. However, we are not encapsulated; living beings inter-are, to use Thich Nhat Hanh' s expression: our nervous system responds to another's, perhaps not unlike the way a flower responds to air earth sun and rain.
A rose that grows in ideal conditions may be healthier and look better than one that grows in the wild, but that's not a definite.
What is definite is that one rose is no better or less than the other. A rose is a rose wherever it grows. My need for recognition is small, but not totally gone. I typically do what I believe is right and don't do what to me is not right, and I like recognition, but I don't need recognition and I seldom do or don't do something in order to get recognition. What helps me stay true to my nature is my belief that it is my right, responsibility, and privilege to blossom and be all that I am, which to me is to be true to my nature, all of which I take very seriously. It helps me to know that even though people often say someone made them feel happy or sad or angry or whatever, I know my feelings are mine and controlled by no one but me.
My childhood included the social conditioning that surrounded me. I sought approval from my parents, teachers and other authority figures to survive. As I grew, I found that such approval was often dependent on conditions beyond my control, and that in any case it was never "enough". Like feeding a hungry ghost whose stomach has no bottom, there was always more approval needed (and the carrot moved daily), suffering for me. And then realization that like this body, "socialization", and the emotional "rewards" I felt I needed from recognition were all just inherited patterns from my ancestors, useful seeds and fertilizer for this life. And in the blossoming of that realization, all is well regardless of where I find myself.
I liked the article, thank you. I also find myself wondering what am I doing shining my light in a dark place which gets disillusioning for me at times. I then remember that lighthouses also stand alone on rocks sticking out to sea, and that is their job - to shine and they do communicate with ships and other lighthouses.
I love this passage authored by Srikumar Rao. All wisdom traditions teach us that happiness lies within us. All of us regardless of outward differences have the potential to blossom like a rose that blossoms in the world is not a whit less than the flower that blooms in a show garden. Our job as a flower is to let it bloom. Our fulfillment lies in letting the flower bloom. We all are children of God and we let ourseves grow as we are. When we live this way, we do not let our joy and happiness controlled by the spigot of other people's attention, appreciation, acclaim, and admiration. Living this way, as the author says, "We construct a prision around us and hand that person the key." Living this way, we let our worth defined extrinsically and that way we create unhappiness in our life. When we value our worth intrinsically then nobody can diminish it.
So, it is all upto us to be happy and fulfilled by being ourseles.
Namste!
Jagdish P Dave
