If You Really Pay Attention

Only idiots think this tale is useful.

 The story is really about teaching people to pretend they understand one another via personal bias.

I don't do that.

You make sense, I give you credit. You spew nonsense, I identify you as an idiot.

Plain and simple.

To Patsy:  What you said definitley struck a chord with me. When I was younger, I was very opinionated, and lived in a pretty surpressed environment. This caused me to become calloused and bitter, and I was closed off to other people's thoughts and ideas. I was constantly waiting for my turn to speak, and was very set in my beliefs. When I realized this about myself, I was determined to reverse it. I spent over a year walking the streets every day, working on my listening skills. I would find a lot of people who wanted to share their stories, and forced myself to say nothing or very little. I would always write about my experiences, and  never forget the people I met.

This proved to be one of the best things I ever did. Years later, I still do this regularly, and in a way need to, to make sure that I am constantly learning and being challenged. It feels so amazing to connect to people! I love sharing my ideas and listening, and having conversations that break the shallow barrier of what the weather is like.

The truth is, we are all convinced to believe that we should be in our own little worlds, interacting only when absolutely necessary. (After all,  unity is very bad for productivity!) I feel that we need to reclaim our humanity and  celebrate our differences, rather than use them as a point of division or pretend they dont exist.

"We have bigger houses but smaller families: We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge but less judgements; more experts but more problems; more medicines, but less healthiness. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but we have trouble crossing the street
to meet the new neighbour. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we have less communication. We have become long on quantity but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods, but slow digestion; tall man, but short character;steep profits, but shallow relationships. It is time when there is much in the window but nothing in the room."-Dalai Lama

...Om Mani Padme Hum...

My family calls me Pancho and I'd like you to know that I love you all...

I missed Wednesdays but I was there. It seems that all the kindness, all the care, all the understanding absorbed by each cell of my body, all this truth, all this condensed love is coming out of my soul with no control. Yesterday (Sunday), as I was eating the food (including the most delicious dessert I had in many years!) sent by Mama Harshida, I paid attention to:

1. Food for the Soul and the Body.
2. True Education and Service.
3. Developing Understanding.

1. Food for the Soul and the Body.
If you ever come to Wednesdays, and if you really pay attention, you will see that your soul and body are been nourished. The Mehta family (_our_ family!) will pour you with love in action. From a gentle fragrance in the air to an exquisite smell of home-made Indian food; from the subtle silence to an outburst of collective reflections of the force of life; from a serendipitous surprising encounter to constant attentive presence; from a welcoming smile to many pairs of shining eyes.

I invite you to pay attention next time you are eating dinner at Santa Clara (or elsewhere! like me ;-)). Please pay attention to the main ingredient of the meal: unconditional love.

If you pay attention, all that love in some way will land warmly in your heart.


2. True Education and Service.
If you pay attention you won't pay for education.
Education is not something that is purchased first with money and then with the demonstration of obedience. True education lies within. True education is about living a life of purpose. Because you can have all the money, you can have all the fame, you can have all the "power", but if you lack purpose, you lack the power to live.

It's time to Walk Out. It's time to put principles before profits and titles.

If you pay attention you will see that the greatest leaders of humanity were servant leaders. They served and are serving not only their partners, not only their families, not only theirs neighborhoods, they were/are also serving the entire Earth Community. And you don't need a degree to serve. That's the genius of the Universal Love:

If you pay attention, we all can serve.


3. Developing Understanding.
The basic conflict in our World today is not between groups or nations --it is between opposing philosophies. The conflict is between those who believe violence (structural, physical or psychological) can be overcome by more violence, and those who believe violence is to be overcome by love, courage, compassion, and respect.

To develop understanding you need to practice to look at all living beings with the eyes of compassion. Because when you have compassion, you understand and when you understand, you love, and when you love, you act in a way that can relief the suffering of others.

If you pay attention, there is always a way to connect with another human being. But first we need to pay attention to our reactions a prejudices. Then we can not react but respond with respect, understanding, kindness and love.

Planetizing the Movement of the Ahimsa (R)evolution from some corner of our round borderless country...

May all become compassionate, courageous and wise.

This weeks passage and gathering was as enjoyable and impactful as always, though I noticed that the e-responses on the site here were much more than usual!  A very interesting and topic of interest to many!

If I Really Pay Attention... I found myself changing the word my to I all week as I reflected on this passage.  The change became powerful for me in my every interaction with customers, coworkers, friends, family and especially my lovely daughters!

This Wednesday evening in the Mehta Family home, there was great energy around this topic.  Some interesting threads of thought exchanged are as follows:

How we are "heard" by another and what another person's perspective is on what we say.  The gent sitting next to me this evening hit it right on the head with this observation.  What he actually said was that it is never too late to reflect upon what someone says and really understand what you heard.  He shared that his coworker in a remote office misheard and misread his intent when he was visiting the local office and requesting assistance on a project.  At first he didn't get it at all, but later, upon reflection he totally understood where this person was coming from and why they reacted the way they did to him and his request.  Such a powerful recognition.  If we can slow down and listen more effectively at the moment, wow, what clarity, understanding and harmony we might be able to contribute to in an exchange.

Another sharing was that when we concentrate on the words a person is saying we loose the message and actually the physical experience of listening is limited.  Sharing furhter around the room it came to be said that listening is observing, hearing, having compassion and understanding, and feeling with our hearts the other individual.

A couple of people shared experiential exercises they participated in regarding "listening" activities.  From corporate training events, to university studies, to non profit organization team building exercises.  The information discovered was the same; communication takes at least 2 of us, it requires being "present" with the other person andi n the intereaction, this allows "feeling" the other person by observation, energy, physical expression and curiously the 'words" though valuable and important were not neccessarily the key componanat to listening! Really!!

For me, "If I Really Pay Attention" to my daughters as they share with me about their most recent test scores, or the upcoming class project, or student activity at school, I will hear thier desire to achieve, to make and build good relationships, the anxiety that comes with being a teenager, and perhaps I will realize that sometimes the simple act of listening, giving a smile, a high five, a huge hug and kiss, being available to take and pick up, is really all these lovely women need at the moment... just lending an ear and reaching understanding.

I find it important to think of volition when engaging in a listening conversation. We all get non-verbal signals all the time. We can choose to process it from a space of expectation, which i a great impurity of the mind. I have found that conversations that have expectations in it go in undesirable directions. On the other hand, we can choose to process the signals from a space of freedom and compassion, with a great volition of goodwill for the other person. When this happens, the members of the conversation open up into a deeper space of listening, where a lot is shared and co-created. These are the unforgettable conversations of our life.

I have a story to illustrate the movement of volition from expectation to freedom. Some weeks back, I was TA'ing a class on Ethics, which I greatly admire. The class was being offered to executives for the very first time. My job was to socialize during break-time and check that people were getting value from the class. If anyone had issues, I would bring them up with the organizers of the class so they could be addressed before the class was over.

In the break, I walked over to a group of smiling people thinking I'd get some positive feedback. I asked, "So, how's the class going for you?" A gentleman who was smilingly sipping his tea, looked at me with a deadpan expression. His smile vanished, eyes narrowed, shoulder tensed up, face contracted and I felt a big amount of negativity. Then, he spoke, "I don't know how this class can get any worse." He had an issue with the fact that the class was being taped and he'd just made a comment that he was afraid would get him into trouble. He multiplied the negativity from this experience and found everything else in the class to be useless - and started criticizing the professor, whom I respect very deeply.

I tried telling him that I would convey this and see what we can do, but he should try to learn as much as he could from this point on. But there was an impurity in my mind - I was a little offended that he had criticized the professor. Although there was a volition in my mind that he should get the most from the class, it was now reduced. Just as I'd read him, he too read me, and called me out, "You are being defensive."

Over the next session, I gave the feedback about the taping. The professor thought this was a great opportunity to practice what we were teaching - telling the whole truth, and suggested the organizers lead a discussion and tell the students what their own limitations were, and brainstorm a solution. While the brainstorm was ongoing, I kept giving compassion to all. I could feel the anger in the room subsiding. Reflecting on it later, I think what really happened was that the impurity in my mind was subsiding - the expectation that all should respect my professor. Instead, I cared completely for the students understanding the class material.

Thereafter, we went to lunch, and as luck would have it, I was on the same table as the morning friend. On getting a question from another participant on the goals of the class, I took the opportunity and explained, "This class is very similar to meditation. In meditation, we look at our own bad habits, and only then are we able to correct it. Do you guys do meditation?" One nodded, but my morning friend said no. I continued, "If you do, you will quickly become sensitive about your habits. For instance, when you were giving me feedback in the morning, I noticed how your face changed, how your shoulders tensed up, and how much you were boiling inside. It should have just been about giving me the feedback and continuing to enjoy the class to the fullest. Why should you let your enjoyment depend on our shortcomings? Why not continue to derive the fullest value from this point on?"

He replied with a "Hmm." After a pause, he said, "You are absolutely right." and went silent. And we both listened to each other in a very different way.

 I collect a lot of quotations. Quotations of those I know, and those I don't. Quotations of the famous,and the every day, words of the old and the young. In fact, it's almost never the "who" of the quote and always the "what" but it's never just the what, it's the "spirit in which" and the "spirit whom" 

Paula, I am moved and Humbled, and feel like you've given me,As Shel Silverstein has written, "The Missing Piece". 

When you Feel the spirit in which some one is speaking, you feel so much more, It's true. Some times you feel the outward emotion, which might be anger, or jealousy, resentment or hatred, but when you keep listening, with your heart, which is your true ear, you'll hear how that Spirit really feels, You may even feel the "why" of  "what his spirit is saying. 

It does take practice, a lifetime, but the reward is that, we continue becoming better, and the other shares in the reward.

Thank you Paula, and all of those who commented: Your Eloquence is humbling,and you've given me compounding opportunities to "listen with my heart",