Staying In Your Own Business

 Ignore them.  
This sounds very unChristian but it is the only thing you have power over.

Or, be grateful for someone being interested in your life and work. There may be a good reason for them poking in, from shaking up a routine to providing a hand to providing an insight. At the very least you will learn to deal with them calmly, with a smile (something i want/need to learn).

 I am very poor at "ignoring" as I just suggested.  However, in attempt to bring me to "my personal center", my husband tries to "coach me up".  Some people (me) are very good at adhering to other people's expectations for them (me).  
My husband is a professional at discerning if other people are in his business for reasons that should concern him.  He is clear what "his role" is.  He knows the rules and he abides by them.  He knows his gifts and talents and tries his best to multiply them (use them).  
If someone is in his business for wrong reason:  for curiosities sake, to destroy a reputation, wanting to see how their behavior is affecting you (in sports, defenders are taught to get under an offensive player's skin by getting into their personal space/getting into their face/getting into other people's business), to bully (as in what I see happen at school, daily) . . . you get my drift.
In these instances, my husband teaches me to ignore . . . this, too, shall pass . . . there is justice in God's judgment (one day) for all.  
On the flip side, I agree with you in that there is also a GOOD side of the "business coin".  If so, we ought not hesitate to take heed.   

 Nidhi -- If someone else is into my business, I think I can stay with my business anyway, with company. 

 Love this  DD!  

Nidhi- If you like him it will be a comfortable union, and if you don't like the other person, the thing will be difficult. But you have no choice but to be in your own business. Better like the situation you are in and make the things good for both or you have a choice to leave or be unhappy.
In my case i  would like to adopt my self to the situation and be in the business.

 Hmm... A Partnership Business :)

 In either case, do what you need to do to stay healthy, connected, functionally cared for and loved.  Very important in keeping on "keeping on"  . . . stay well!  

 I am so thankful for my Father (in Heaven).  He has the world in His Hands (He has Divine Potential to be in everyone's business.)
i am more limited.  My cup is full tending to the business of my extended family and friends.  I am only human . . .  Very much dependent on One Who isn't.

 Amen!  Simplicity is, too, bliss!   My wish . . . 

MaryJo, "truly enlightened spiritual gurus" total detachment seems opposite of the relational stance that Jesus showed us: love your neighbor [and enemy] as yourself.  This means not intruding but not waiting for a very needy person to invite you into an relationship.  Love everyone like they are you.  It will mean you are patient; kind; not boastful, nor envious, nor proud, nor rude, nor selfish, nor recording wrongs you see, nor easily angered, never delighting in evil; rejoicing in truth; and always protecting, trusting, hoping, persevering.  

Maybe the Dhamma says 'Mind your own business'. The Sangha says: 'Make other people's business your business'. Today we live in quiet isolation and i see unhappy people alone with the TVs and always looking for solace on the mobile. Thru 'intrusion' we can create the opportunities for relationships and become the shoulder others need.

I lived 8 years in a NJ apt without knowing my neighbours, except to pick up package deliveries. In Oakland, my neighbour had a stroke in the shower and then was bedridden for 6 weeks and i found out after they vacated. I resolved to 'intrude' thereafter and made friends with people i would have no other opportunities to connect with.

And now i live in a place where its everyone for themselves - and the commons and public health be dammed, because everyone feels no business other than their own.

It seems that most folks feel that we first work on Buddhan and Dhamman. Sanghan will happen in the future.

 I think kindness is different from minding your own business. One should always express kindness. 

 Amen Bill!  
Getting lost in other people's business is what service is all about.  Detachment necessary when I lose myself (unhealthily) serving.  

 Respected Sis Asha Ji ,
 Your comments as you mentioned discussed before in your spritual circle . What you said is really a very very important and sincere learning . But as you know there are every kind of people of  ,stress over aspect of only spiritual thinking , very few give their opinion and could be mould either way .

Dear Sister,
The issue here is of ownership. As long as one does anybody's business whether one's own, loved ones' or god's as one's own, one should not feel the heaviness.  If one still feels heaviness, then there is some inauthenticity sitting there and one should introspect and get back owning up whatever one is doing, bringing back the same committment. Can we say "DO UNTO THE OTHERS AS YOU WOULD DO UNTO YOURSELF".  

 No expectation from anyone or anything is key. When you serve you serve altruistically. The word I needs to be erased. The I of ego and arrogance. For most, this is a huge task. This is why a spiritual circle is important. Humility is important. Good Company is very important. Om Shanti! 

 Yep, Amen.

To some extent this is true but to a large extent it is not. We can influence others, and we can and should make assumptions; it is how we make sense out of the world. We just need to know the limitations of both our assumptions and our ability to influence others. 

By improving myself, I improve everyone else.

 Absolutely sound.  I would emphasis that our primary relationship is with our Creator, Lord and Master.  We were created for relationship with God.  From that relationship we are pushed out to others which we learn from God are us too.  What is good for them is good for all of us.  What is bad from them is bad for all

 As I see it, the challenge is to be of service and be responsive to the other without taking responsibility for the other, to care without carrying, to be involved with the other without losing self.  We are relational.  I am also individual.  The challenge is to be relational in a way that I hold onto my individuality, and to be an individual in a way that allows relationship and  involvement.  It is a dialectic that is part of life and we always struggle with and never do perfectly.

 This is true.  Thank you 

 Thank you for your clarity . there is  a resonance  for me!

 These are good questions and points Mark.  My response is non-attachment.  Also the heart of Jesus and Buddha’s teaching is non-attachment.  It is just this simple and it allows one to fall into the true self where there is no need to accomplish anything.      

 Buddha has 3 gems: buddha, dhamma, and sangha. Sangha is ignored nowadays or not considered as important as the other 2. Gandhi and others have indicated that service is a path, so it is possible to 'self-clean by involving yourself in others.'

 Thanks, Bonnie, for expressing this so beautifully and opening the basics to more subtle realities.

 Thank you Angela

 Abby -- Congratulations, and thank you for what you shared.  I thought of a favorite quote of mine in reading your message.  Martin Buber said pretty close to the following: "If I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you.  But if I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I really am I and you really are you, and we can meet."  My sometimes effort is to keep growing in that.

 Annie,
 
What I write in my first paragraph, Annie, is my attempt to validate your feelings.  And please understand I do not have clue what you are feeling, as it is only my attempt to give you a touch of fresh air to what you may be feeling.  My last paragraph is a suggestion to your question “how do I cope with this?”  
 
This taking care of your Dad appears painful, Annie.  I sense you may feel fatigued, apathetic, alienated maybe from yourself and others.  It feels like you cannot allow yourself to feel meaningful moments with your Father.  This may result in the sudden blockage of feelings, as if life had suddenly been drained from you.  Hope may feel like it has suddenly vanished.  The best I can say, in my trying to be sensitive and considerate to what you may feel, is I am so sorry for what may feel like you are standing all alone.   
 
In response to your question I want to suggest you approach your Father’s care with non-attachment.  I realize non-attachment sounds like being uncaring for your Father.  It may seem like being insensitive and you may feel it is being as hard as nails.  Yet non-attachment contains no hint of rejection or hardness, rather it offers a radical acceptance of life as it is.  It is the quality where it allows you to be present and the ability to abide in your deeper self.  This non-attachment does not cling to anything inner or outer.  It offers this freedom to not need to cling to the endless activity of your mind and cling to this deep grief of losing your Dad.  Non-attachment allows the unfolding to happen and I believe you will feel contained within your true self that can endure this pain and hardship.  Non-attachment offers a radical acceptance because it can live within painful truth.      
 
Everything touches and transforms us all and yet your level of transformation is beyond words.  Non-attachment is just this place where you do not base yourself on your thoughts, not on your feelings and not on your perceptions.  It is a place where everything arises and disappears into profound stillness and peace.  It offers a heart felt peace.   I also believe it the greatest gift you can give to your Father and to yourself, non-attachment that allows you to fall into your deeper self and peace is offered with a profound compassion.   
 
Peace Annie and your presence is deeply significant !!!
Syd       

 Well done so eloquently sharing this advice and compassion Syd,  and every blessing to you, Annie and her Dad, and my own. 

 Agreed! Change yourself, change the world. so deeply True!