Dropping That Drug

I feel some discomfort with Anthony's article. I think it is in his use of the concept of aloneness, for I believe that at our deepest essence we are one with all that is and therefore never alone. Even on the level of this human existence we are interdependent to the extent of never being alone. But this does not mean we must give up our ability, our responsibility to choose our response to whatever we encounter in life based on who we are at our core. In relinquishing our dependence on others to act toward us in ways that we define as loving, in choosing to act in ways that authentically reflect who we truly are, to live with integrity rather than trying to buy or force others to give us the love we want, we set ourselves free. We can then take responsibility for creating all the love that we need. The heart does not know the difference between receiving love from others and giving love to others. It is the flow of love that matters. When we live with love, we will have all the love that we could ever hope for. 

 

And how sweet the taste of bread and fruit and mountain water can taste when shared in communion with another embodied soul! We are not here to deny ourselves the great privilege and joy and vulnerability of true relationship in order to avoid pain. That is no path to freedom and is neither virtue nor achievement and does not prepare us to love. To compare the desire for love to an addiction (or a drug addiction) is a false and unkind judgment that will induce a superiority notion in those who claim freedom from the desire for love, and guilt and inferiority in those who yearn for love. (Drugs can induce a euphoric feeling, but are only a poor substitute for love.)

A better path to love accept that both loving and being loved necessarily includes pain, sadness, and even misery at times—and then to persevere and even thrive right alongside those difficult emotions. To be loved and to loved are the greatest gifts of our journey here on earth. We must embrace the entire scope of incarnate existence. We are interdependent. To live fully is to love and be loved and suffer, to desire and reject, and to laugh and to cry. And to do each with gusto and presence and to continue on every day, knowing that ultimately, we will all be okay. That is a life well lived. That is awakening. 

My understanding of the drug of dependency is defining me by what I think the other wants or by what I think will get me what I want.  It means my saying or doing something based on how I think the other will respond.  It is manipulating myself and my expression of myself in order to attain a particular result or goal.  It's being what we call a politician.  To paraphrase Martin Buber, he said that if I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you; but if I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you, then I really am I and you really are you, and we can meet.  I being I because you are being you is the drug of dependency.  I being I because I am I is independence and freedom, and often takes much courage to live out.  There is no need to reconcile the interdependence of the universe with being drugged by dependence.  They are different ways of being.  Interdependence of the universe means each form in the universe is independent and free in its being and is affecting and being affected by every other form, but it is not how it is because of the other.  The sun shines and I sweat.  The sun is not shining to make me sweat nor is it dependent on my sweating.  I sweat not because the sun is hot but because I am how I am.  Or, I may say I am bombing another country because of how they are, which is not true and is the twisted thinking of the drug of dependence.  The truth is that if I bomb another country it is because of how I am, it's my independent action and responsibility.  I let go of the drug of dependency when I am true to myself, accepting and expressing my truth as I interact with others and am affected by others. 

 Born into a Catholic family and having ears "well tuned" to hearing God's word, I fell into anxiety and panic at the age of 30.  Wanting, so, to live according to God's "perfect" will and plan for me, I followed the "letter of the law" too closely . . . and the "letter of His Spirit" too distantly (I would say).  Though my, God given, personality (as described by my husband) is "fluffy and unconventional", my church (Catholic) is on the opposite end of the spectrum . . . NOT fluffy and VERY conventional.  (Most of my friends left the church for this reason. . . too RIGID)
Praise Be To God, however, in my Catholic Christian journey, the Holy Spirit FREED me.  He shifted my focus  from "religion" to "relationship".  Though I was already in relationship with God, I found my adult "church" experience and understanding limited and disabling.  (My dad used to say, the bigger the family, the more "rules" necessary for ORDER)  
 "Personal peace" (freedom from anxiety and panic) I found (in TIME) came directly from Heaven. In letting go of my "religion" (figuratively) and heightening my awareness of Jesus (everywhere . . . In all things and In all people), I eventually experienced "the freedom" that only God/ Jesus/ Holy Spirit can give.

Jesus,I have learned in my time spent with Him, is Fluffy and Unconventional, too!

In Him, I am free!

FYI:  I continue to worship God in a Catholic Church.   Eucharist, I am completely "dependent" on.  I never wish to be "free" of His Presence in it.  All of Jesus in all of me.  amen.   
 
 

This is such a powerful piece, thank you for sharing it. It explains the concept of simultaneously being alone and loving in plain, clear language. A few sentences really stood out to me, including this one: "Think of a life in which you depend on no one emotionally, so that no one has the power to make you happy or miserable anymore." It reminds me of my 62-year old dad, who is disabled, and is entering his old age as a very calm and gentle person whose own inner feelings and thoughts are not affected by others. No matter what is happening around him, he is always content. He is recognizing that things come and go, and it is better not to be attached. Just keep going, he always tells me. Being disabled can be isolating for him much of the time, yet as his body is deteriorating, his mind is becoming stronger, and I look to him as an inspiration of being happy and loving at all times. He has told me that he desires nothing, and it is evident in the simple way that he accepts whatever is offered to him and gives everything that he has to others. Although my dad and me have had many positive and negative experiences over the years, witnessing him these days is a humble lesson in developing clarity of vision and a real capacity to love.