Living With a Rebel Within

“Our mind is a unique system, thoughts, feelings are always there even when we sleep, I wonder from where they come… better to know more about ourselves first…..”  

This passage reminded me of how we see our "selves" and our "stuff" (the "stuff" that's in our heads).  The awareness/intention is larger than the thought, emotion, action, etc.  How we are is equally, if not more important, than what we do.  I read this passage and thought of myself reading this passage (me as the reader, and me as the observer of the reader reading the reading).  :)  I'm sorry to miss coming to the gathering of inner-sights and shared reflections, esp. on a day that is regarded as Peace Day (http://peaceoneday.org/en/welcome)-- I know, it's a start as one day.  It's also a day to reflect on global truce/day of disarmament, but hypocritical in that a very probably innocent man is facing execution today (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_Davis_case   http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/beyond-prisons/the-locked-gate-standing-up-for-my-brother-on-death-row   http://www.yesmagazine.org/peace-justice/what-you-can-do-to-help-stop-the-execution-of-troy-davis   http://www.amnestyusa.org/news/press-releases/amnesty-international-condemns-decision-to-deny-troy-davis-clemency-calling-it-an-outrageous-affront).  May we all expand our hearts and minds to include all in love and compassion and forgiveness.

Why is it that makes people place themselves lower/servile to the expression of another!?Dzogchen Ponlop-if that is his real name,which I doubt- merely regurgitates from "Rebel Buddha" The simplicity of life,its meaning, for each individual is contained within their intellectual reasoning center! It is from here the life experiences of YOU the inner awareness of the YOU of YOU that gives you the answers required for present existence! No Cohen can enlighten you! No Guru can teach a way that is higher than You youtself dictates! No teacher can teach you poetry! And no one holds the absolute correct answer,truth abou mind.illusion.dreams wakefulness and a never-ending spate of words, which is just 'words'. At all times you need to remember your self! There are a hundred different 'I's in you and most of us are all asleep,what you have within you are those 'I's that present a different face to your daily situations. Know your SELF and dispel with all books,Jesus Christs,Buddhas,Gurus  Preachers who tend to seek superior wisdom over what you now laud, beautiful,wonderful,inspirational,when really it is utter nonsense!! You can draw from silence within your meditative self all the wisdom/wealth/knowledge you require only a fool pays for TRUTH or pays for akk the money-grubbers with their money back gaurantees!!!  Forget about their worthless schemes and formulas it is false. Discern correctly.

JAFFRAY

I first read this after an exhausting week.  It is such a refreshing perspective.  And, for me, the language used and this perspective gave me a light heart.  For the rest of the weekend, I was struck by language and perspective.  It allowed me to look at political rhetoric and discourse as people responding to the rebel within…from the essay “While we're locked away in our dream, it sees the potential for freedom. So it provokes, arouses, prods and instigates until we're inspired to take action.”  I submit that everyone, even those who are ‘asleep’, are responding to the rebel within, and the responses take on very different and interesting looks.

During these past few years of active self study ‘svadhyaya’, I have focused on visualizing Purusha, Big S Self, the Divine within with reverence and deep respect.  However, at the same time, it has been difficult to reconcile this respectful stoicism with what I also know which is the dance of joy and freedom this revelation offers…a certain upwelling of rejoicing we can share with others…a sense of beauty and wonder and aliveness…

The rebel within me has been fully present for a long time.  To my way of reflection, I have referred to it as a red flag.  During my lifetime, this red flag has been hoisted by the rebel on numerous occasions, but by far the most significant is my inability to fully embrace the idea of heaven and hell as places where disconnected souls go…and how we are all condemned to sinful nature when we arrive here.  While the red flag is hoisted, I am immediately struck by how many ‘mentors’ dodge pointed questions about these things based on perspectives formed during the provoking, arousing, prodding, and instigation of the rebel in their own lives.  The red flag comes down each time uncertainty is replaced with grace and empathy, and connecting to the sense that we all have our own experiences, interpret them in our own way, and can move gently through our lives here.

Again, I love the perspective.  I watch teens struggle with this rebel, and what they know to be present within their experiences, and wrestle with this knowledge while attempting to fit into the click or crowd without being found out.  It is their pregnant silence I respond to when we delve into their exploration of the deeply rooted and insistent quiet voice within.  I have gained such a wonderful uplifting look at my own experience through reading this perspective.   

For the past few months, I have been driving to the train station as part of my daily commute to work. Each morning and evening rush hour the roads are packed with people driving from all walks of life on the shared mission of getting to their destination as quickly as possible. Sometimes this involves aggression. Yesterday morning I was in queue at a red light when a man driving a large 4x4 pick-up truck pulled up in the median lane from the opposite direction to make a turn into a plaza driveway. I was directly in front of this driveway and this man was angrily shouting and gesturing from inside his car for me to move back so that he could turn in. I looked behind me and there was not much space to reverse. The light was still red so I couldn't move ahead. I shook my head to indicate "no" to him; even though I could have reversed about 1 foot back, I did not want to yield to this bully. He was fuming inside of his car. When the light eventually turned green, he rolled down his window and yelled a profanity at me. I was not completely shocked since he was very angry but his harsh words stung me nevertheless. They kept on replaying over and over inside of my head. And as they did, I realized that I was witnessing a real-time carving of negative grooves in my mind. Negativities that would become "I am hurt", hurt that would point a finger at "that man who called me a mean name", a desire for revenge that I might unwittingly project onto somebody else in the future, and the amplification of an isolated incident into ripples of violence beyond that street. It became apparent that I needed to both prevent the deepening of this groove and create other more positive ones in its place.

The rebel within, the one who had calmly stood ground in the face of intimidation and force, was now telling me to be compassionate because he spoke those words from ignorance. He deserves to be happy just as much as every being. How do I wish him well?

Rebel.

An friend, who recently told me that in the past lifetimes I was her mother, father, son, daughter, brother, and that I have appeared as everything to her except as her friend, which is now manifest in this lifetime. This man has also been my mother. How would I treat my mother?

Rebel.

In gratitude for this man who helped me to strengthen my awareness of my mind, reinforce the need for kindness in the world, and challenged me to grow in compassion towards myself, him, and others who are suffering. He is my spiritual teacher. How can I thank my spiritual teacher?

Rebel.