Irony Of Marriage

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Ironía del matrimonio
--por Neale Donald Walsch



En gran medida, el matrimonio ha sido utilizado por sociedades, religiones y familias como una mini-prisión, como una especie de arreglo contractual que dice: "Todo será, ahora y para siempre, como es en este momento. No amarás a nadie más, y ciertamente no demostrarás ese amor por nadie más de la forma en que demuestras tu amor por mí. No lo harás". No vayas a ningún otro lado excepto a donde yo voy. Harás muy poco que yo no haga contigo y, en la mayoría de los casos, a partir de este día en adelante, tu vida será, al menos hasta cierto punto, limitada". Y algo que debería “des-limitar” a las personas y liberar el espíritu dentro de ellas, trabaja en contra de eso y limita a las personas y cierra ese espíritu. Esa es la ironía del matrimonio tal como lo hemos creado. Decimos "Sí, quiero", y desde el momento en que decimos "Sí, quiero", no podemos hacer las cosas que realmente nos gustaría hacer en la vida, en gran medida. Ahora, muy pocas personas admitirían esto en los primeros momentos del romance y en los primeros momentos después de su boda. Solo llegarían a estas conclusiones tres, o cinco, o... cuál es la famosa frase, la picazón de los siete años... siete años más tarde, cuando de repente se diesen cuenta de que, de hecho, su experiencia de sí mism@s en el mundo en general ha cambiado. Se ha reducido, y no aumentado, por la institución del matrimonio. Eso no es cierto, por supuesto, en todos los matrimonios, naturalmente. Pero es cierto en bastantes de ellos, voy a decir, en la mayoría de ellos. Y es por eso que tenemos una tasa de divorcios tan alta, porque no es tanto que las personas se hayan cansado el uno del otro, más bien, a menudo se han cansado de las restricciones y las limitaciones que parece haber impuesto el matrimonio. sobre ellos. El corazón humano sabe cuándo se le pide que sea menos. Ahora bien, el amor, por otro lado, tiene que ver con la libertad. La definición misma del amor es la libertad misma. El amor es aquello que es libre y no conoce limitación, restricción o condición de ningún tipo. Entonces, creo que lo que hemos hecho aquí es que hemos creado una construcción artificial alrededor de lo que es menos artificial. El amor es la experiencia más auténtica en el marco de la aventura humana. Y sin embargo, en medio de esta gran autenticidad, hemos creado estas constricciones artificiales. Y eso hace que sea muy difícil para las personas permanecer enamoradas. Entonces, lo que tenemos que hacer es reconstruir el matrimonio, si es que vamos a tener matrimonio, de una manera que diga: "Yo no te limito. No hay ninguna condición que haga que esté bien que permanezcamos juntos. Yo no tengo ningún deseo de hacer que seas menos en tu expresión de ti mism@, de ninguna manera. De hecho, lo que pretende hacer este matrimonio, esta nueva forma de matrimonio, es alimentar el motor de tu experiencia, la experiencia de quién eres realmente y quién eliges ser". Y una última cosa que hace el Nuevo Matrimonio: dice: "Reconozco que incluso tú mism@ cambiarás. Tus ideas cambiarán, tus gustos cambiarán, tus deseos cambiarán. Será mejor que cambie toda tu comprensión de Quién Eres". , porque si no cambia, te has convertido en una personalidad muy estática durante muchísimos años, y nada me disgustaría más. Y reconozco que el proceso de evolución producirá cambios en ti”. Esta nueva forma de matrimonio no sólo permite tales cambios, sino que los alienta.


Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la noción de que el amor tiene que ver con la libertad? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de un momento en que el amor te inspiró a eliminar las restricciones de alguien? ¿Qué te ayuda a crear una relación con alguien que alimente el motor de su experiencia?

Neale Donald Walsh es autor de 39 libros.
Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion that love is all about freedom? Can you share a personal story of a time love inspired you to remove restrictions on someone? What helps you create a relationship with someone that fuels the engine of their experience?

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25 Past Reflections
CH
Jan 25, 2024
{whatsapp}+[1267]332]4746] hello everyone .in love and marriage there comes a time when i almost give up heading for divorce because of infidelity and infertility problems until i met priest jaja who solve my problems just in seven days and get my lover back to me, ever since my partner i had two kids.any one going through similar problem i mentioned can connect to him with the up info.
TG
Tarsa Gold
Sep 26, 2023
It takes two to participate in freedom, not just one for a marriage.
PA
Jun 4, 2023
This happened when my wife "allowed" me to leave a job and go into filmmaking. But I take issue with your freedom idea. In a relationship it requires responsibilities, accountability and honesty.
BO
Jun 1, 2023
My primary partner and I have been together for 45 years. We have been married for 44. The description of the relationship cannot be captured by a handful of words - good - bad - challenging, supportive, etc. It is neither a success or a failure that we are still together. Whatever challenges or problems we have arise from our inability to bridge certain differences, and not the constraints of our marriage contract. Neither of us seeks freedom or personal fulfillment. For some of us, perhaps many of us, finding deep intimacy and deep connection is elusive and challenging. Creating a new marriage contract is unlikely to make much difference. Focusing on personal freedom and fulfillment may make us less free and fulfilled. Connecting with beauty, abundance, joy, playfulness and delight might help, but I certainly do not have much wisdom in these matters.
AB
May 30, 2023
I must admit that I felt a little lost going through the first two paragraphs but appreciate the way the reading took the flow to the conclusion. I am unmarried and when I saw the theme, the first thought the came to my mind was to just scribble “No comments” but curiosity got the better of me and I read through the whole passage. My thoughts are solely based on my understanding of marriage and I may be completely wrong since I don’t talk from experience. This particular sentence resonates with my thoughts- That's the irony of marriage as we've created it. Per me, marriage is between two individuals and what they make out of it. Within the constructs of being good, just, humane and responsible, it is solely the resolve of two people on how they want to embark on this beautiful journey of marriage, love and companionship. I don’t think any society or family or friends can define this bond. I think marriage is an interesting aspect of life to be a... View full comment
PE
May 30, 2023
I’ve been married to the same person for nearly 40 years in our mid 60s and never had that experience…….we do and did something’s together and more than not most on our own. I think it’s a disservice to make sweeping assumptions
AN
May 30, 2023
I agree 100% of what is said above and then there is more. The more as I see it is why/how marriage was created in the first place. It came out of patriarchy which caused women to be/become economically/financially dependent on men and marriage thereby giving women some security in said areas..not much in the long... run without a great deal of cost as was also indicated above. It is my deep hope that in the future women's dependency on men or for that matter any person of "power" in a relationship for love and money will decrease as we all wake up from a deep patriarchial (power) slumber.
RI
May 30, 2023
Love for me is not always about freedom. It is so much more. It can be about suffering. It can be about serving. It can be about Being there for someone. . .honor and cherish are big concepts that ideally can be associated with marriage/ Love. Sharing and growing together through fifty years of Life has certainly had its ups and downs: times of feeling the Love and times of not. Times of giving/being the Love and times of not. I have friends who are married and friends who are not and we all experience fulfillment as well as loneliness. I feel it is in the giving as well as the receiving that Love grows in us ... within and without marriage ... Marriage for me means giving each other room to grow into our best selves.
SG
Steve Goyer
May 30, 2023
This is the usual individuistic dribble of the modern age- the egoistic pursuit of the material over the spiritual; the immanent over the transcendent, the me over the we. The fulcrum of his argument hinges on his definition of love: “ Now love, on the other hand, is all about freedom. The very definition of love is freedom itself. Love is that which is free and knows no limitation, restriction, or condition of any kind. “ Love is “free from any limitation, condition, or restriction”? Isn’t it the opposite? Love is free FOR any limitation, condition, or restriction” for the sake of the object or one being loved. “ An artist in love with nature has no freedom from articulating it in some manner which takes conditions limitations and responsible self giving. Only in giving herself over to the art does she find the true freedom of love’s demand for commitment and responsibility toward the other. Ironically, only In losing our “selves” for loves sake do... View full comment
TW
Tammy Wurm
May 30, 2023
I am currently on a 6 month separation from my spouse of 42 years. I am 61 yrs old and have changed drastically from the 19 yr old me that said " I do ".
I have certainly felt imprisoned and limited in my ability to simply be me.
I am one month into my six month trial separation and feel more joy than I have felt in many many years. I don't believe I will be going back to the way things were. I am free.
MA
Marie May 30, 2023
I not only feel controlled in marriage but seemingly by the entire world. I am currently dazed, confused, and listless.
AN
Annemarie May 30, 2023
Tammy Wurm, Congratulations!
AB
Abhaya May 31, 2023
Tammy, kudos to you for realising what you want and making an attempt to make it tight! All the very best!
NA
May 30, 2023
Yes, this is quite an unfortunate perspective of marriage.
There’s a Latin word, consonantia, defined musically as: all notes in their perfect distinctness are yet blended in one…
I find this definition befitting in marriage, as well.
There is harmony and beauty in creating something more than merely the sum of two parts.
JA
Javi May 31, 2023
I couldn't agree more, you can't clap with one hand. Our personal experience (like that of the writer) is not the most accurate of all, only his.
If you have a friend from 40 years (that's useful for wives/husbands too), what's the point of leaving him:
You have to have some commitment with him/her, you like to be with him/her... that does not limit my world, it expands it. I can clap then.
If you cannot applaud, find a way to do it, do not mix personal, political or other inclinations... this makes your world smaller.
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." – Sam Keen
that needs compomise and time,that finaly is the same.
BW
Brent Williams
May 30, 2023
"New" marriage? That's been mine for 28 years. And I'm sure it's existed for generations before little old me.
LP
May 30, 2023
My last partner, Rory and I created being 100% for each others fulfilment in the world. After 1.5 years, I was ready to simplify life, grow food and take care of things well here and he wanted an adventure. I supported him in going to Northern Thailand to live and work in an addictions centre. I experienced the heartbreak of his leaving; and there were some messy moments where I was given by my thoughts and feelings, not my word. It was not what I wanted! However, we were complete and I expanded mightily in this relationship. We talked until everything was said. This level of intimacy was new for me. And our love for one another is profound :] He died 3 years ago having made a difference to many, many peoples lives, married a beautiful woman, made a coffee plantation and built an incredible home. Love life! I don't think this keeping one another small for our own comfort, safety or gratification is con... View full comment
MA
May 28, 2023
I'm disappointed by this reading. The author (and the people who chose to republish it) seem to be limiting marriage to its legal contract and have missed its essence, its spiritual transmutation. We choose the lens through which we experience our world and, while there clearly is a limitation in marriage when seen in the eyes of the world, there is a multiplication, an infinity that opens up when entered and experienced spiritually. That is my experience and that of the people with whom I speak of marriage. And I humbly believe we're not different than anyone else, we simply made a choice. To open ourselves up to the spiritual transformation instead of limiting ourselves to the legal contract, to experience it through a lens of wholeness and love instead of limitation and constraint. Enjoy exploring your choice.
HA
May 27, 2023
In order to really explore the subject of ‘love and marriage’ OR ‘love vs. marriage’ in all its subtle nuances of meaning and implication, we must first ask some fundamental questions: i) Is love a search of happiness or basically sharing of one’s happiness with others? ii) If it is a search for happiness, doesn’t this mean that one is unhappy right now and hopes to become happy or happier in a relationship? iii) An unhappy person seeking happiness is like a beggar begging for something. Can a beggar love? Or is it the privilege or gift of an ‘affluent’ person blessed with ‘abundance’? To my mind, a person with a mind or heart brimming with joy is an ‘affluent’ person—living in a state of perennial ‘abundance’. iv) Isn’t freedom actually one of the dimensions of this joy—or isn’t joy simply one of the expressions of freedom? (Not freedom FROM something but freedom per... View full comment
NI
Nithya May 31, 2023
Lovely :)
DD
May 27, 2023
Love isn't all about freedom. Freedom is a factor in love without which there is not love, but love isn't only freedom. Love is oneness that includes freedom. If there isn't freedom, the connection or relationship isn't love. It's a bond that binds. Love didn't inspire me to remove restrictions, love includes not having restrictions. To the extent there are restrictions or conditions, wherever they come from, there is not love. What helps me create a relationship that fuels the engine of the other's experience is my wanting for the other to have and be all that he or she is, and for us to have a relationship that allows and fosters that for the other and for me. It helps to be clear about that from first meeting, including however much discussion is necessary. Love including freedom is worth insisting on. Hold onto freedom for there to be love.
BA
May 27, 2023
I am in a second marriage after my first ended having gotten married at 21 thinking this is what I am supposed to do. It only lasted 3 years or so and I felt so very stifled and felt I couldn't breathe with this person under the same roof. I have now been remarried for 33 years and cannot be happier as we allow each other to grow and expand individually but also walk this journey together. We both were talking just yesterday about how we feel the need to be near each other energetically, emotionally, physically. This article points out the fact that we need to grow as individuals or we become static. That is exactly right and what we've done. We are retired and spend most of our time together but also realize when we need time to ourselves. I love to journal and meditate each day as he does his own spiritual care. It is the greatest gift to walk this earth with someone who inspires you to be a better person. I am blessed and so very grateful.
JP
May 26, 2023
Marriage which takes away freedom to be oneself, to be an aithentic loving self creates imprisonsnment for both the man and the woman. Such marraiges make each other's life miserable and breaks up intimate relationships. Addording to my experience undondiotional love enriches and deepens relationships. Sadly many marriages have caused heart aches and head aches and theyresult in separation and divorce. According to me marraige helps each other blossom and makes life fragrant. I also believe that freedom without responsibility is conducive to failure and unhappiness. I remember Carl Ung's prononcement when he came to America,. He said,," America needs two statues: Statutue of Liberty on the East coast and statue of Rsponsibility on the West coast. Freedom without responsibilty is license to do whatever one wants to do. It is a sign of self-will and immaturity. Namaste. I married Vanleela who showed true love and courage to marry me born in a poor family. She married... View full comment
AB
Abhaya May 31, 2023
Jagdish, Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. It is very uplifting!
Also totally agree that being responsible is the way of life! :)
CW
May 26, 2023
In a society where many people are severely limited by social pressure including what they do for a living, what kind of car they drive, the kind of language they use, their clothing, and their friends, many people have a limited concept of self because the self is defined by what others have told it to be. I have concluded that I chose my marriage, which happily ended in divorce, to protect myself from freedom because my husband was confident about telling me who to be, what to say, what to wear, etc. I was afraid that if I practiced freedom by expressing my authentic self, I would be alienated and ostracized for being too weird. Ultimately I realized that maybe my husband could make me be a person that was "successful" and looked good at his side, but my soul was not going to survive. Now I practice freedom by meditating, journaling, painting, and doing other practices that help me connect with my authentic self or my soul. I then do my best to honour my soul by standing my ground a... View full comment