From Transaction To Trust, by Mark Manson

સોદા થી વિશ્વાસ સુધી – માર્ક મેન્સન

જીવન ની મહત્વ ને મુલ્યવાન બાબતો, મૂળથી, લેણદેણ સ્વરૂપે નથી હોતી. અને તેને માટે સોદેબાજી કરવી, એ તેનો નાશ કરવા બરોબર છે. તમે આનંદ મેળવવા ષડ્યંત્ર રચવાનું ; તે નહીં જ કરી શકો. પણ મોટેભાગે લોકો આવું કરવાની કોશિશ કરે છે, ખાસ કરીને ત્યારે, જયારે તેઓ મદદ અથવા સ્વપ્રગતી માટે સલાહ લેવા જાય – ત્યારે જાણે કહેતાં હોય, “ મને આ રમત ના નિયમો શીખવો અને હું આ રમત રમું”, જાણે તેઓ બેખબર છે, કે, આનંદ માટે ના કોઈ નિયમો નથી અને કોઈ તમને આનંદ માં રહેવામાં આડું નથી આવતું.

જે લોકો જીવનમાં સોદા અને નિયમો બનાવે છે તેઓ સ્થૂળ જગત માં ઘણું મેળવે છે, પરંતુ, ભાવજગત માં પંગુ અને એકલા રહી જાય છે. આવું એટલે કે સોદા ના સંબંધો કપટ ના પાયા ઉપર ઉભા હોય છે.

વડીલો એ સમજવું જોઈએ કે સોદેબાજી એક અનંત ચક્કર છે, અને જીવનમાં ખરી કિંમત અને અર્થપૂર્ણ બાબતો તો કોઈ શર્ત કે સોદેબાજી વગર મળે છે. તેને માટે સમજદાર માબાપ અને શિક્ષક ની જરૂર છે, જે યુવાનો ની સોદેબાજીમાં ના ફસાઈ. આનો ઉત્તમ રસ્તો છે, શરતો વગર, સાચો દાખલો બેસાડવો. યુવાનો ને વિશ્વાસ શીખવવા તેના પર વિશ્વાસ કરવો. આદર શીખવવા તેનો આદર કરવો. અને પ્રેમ શીખવવા તેને પ્રેમ કરવો. જો તમે પ્રેમ, આદર કે વિશ્વાસ ને જબરદસ્તીથી ઠોકી નહીં બેસાડો – તો આખરે, જે આ બાબતો ને શરતી બનાવી શકે છે- તે તમે માત્ર વહેવા દો, અને સમજો કે, એક સમયે યુવાનોની સોદેબાજી હારશે અને તેને બિનશરતી થવાની કિંમત સમજાશે, જયારે તે તૈયાર હોય.

બિનશરતી રીતે વર્તવું અઘરું છે. તમે કોઈ ને પ્રેમ કરો, એવું જાણી ને, કે, તમને સામે પ્રેમ નહીં મળે, તે છતાંય તમે તેવું કરો. તમે કોઈ પર વિશ્વાસ કરો, એવું સમજીને, કે, તમને દગો થઈ શકે છે. કારણકે બિનશરતી વલણ અપનાવવા અમુક અંશે શ્રદ્ધા ની જરૂર છે – એવી શ્રદ્ધા કે તમારું ધાર્યું પરિણામ ના આવે, તો પણ, આ કર્યું તે સાચું છે, તેવો વિશ્વાસ રહે.

મનન ના પ્રશ્નો:

૧.) બિનશરતી વલણ અપનાવવા અમુક અંશે શ્રદ્ધા ની જરૂર છે, આ વિષે તમારું શું મંતવ્ય છે.
૨.) તમે ક્યારેય બિનશરતી રીતે જીવન ની સમજણ ને ઉભી થવાનો મોકો આપ્યો છે, તો વર્ણવો.
૩.) સોદેબાજી થી વિશ્વાસ તરફ કેવી રીતે વળી શકીએ?

Mark Manson is a best-selling author.

Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion that acting unconditionally requires some degree of faith? Can you share a personal story of a time unconditionality opened up new avenues of understanding in your life? What helps you shift from transaction to trust?

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Add Your Reflection

9 Past Reflections

Pia

Jun 3, 2020

I agree that acting unconditionally requires faith but I feel at certain times unconditionality works and at others its ok to have some degree of expectations from a relationship. For example in a marriage, you expect your partner to treat you with respect. They won't necessarily behave how you want them to all the time and we should allow them the freedom to live their own paths but in doing so I would expect respect. If they are harmful to us in any way, then I wouldn't agree with still giving respect from our side. This may not be the right way but I feel each situation is different and has to be considered separately. There are times when we have to behave with trust and continue to love//respect/give without expectations, but not always.

Shyam Gupta

Jun 3, 2020

We all want happiness , but are looking for it at the wrong places and through the wrong means. We want to purchase happiness, thinking its transactional. We start bringing transactionality even in our close relations , many times manipulating relationships to seek happiness.
True happiness is non transactional and it is an outcome of unconditional loving and unconditional trust in the process of nature. We love unconditionally and we trust unconditionally. Yes we may get frustrated at times when we are not loved back or when our trust gets broken . We need to have faith in the law and process of nature and make our best effort in loving and trusting unconditionally for their is no other way to find happiness and joy.

Pankaj Mehra

Jun 2, 2020

"Unconditional"- Just a 'word' - easy to read & write but understand. In this fast paced & materialistic world, where all human emotional might seem transactional, there is definitely some small part of ours within, which still is unconditional. It's just, that part doesn't show its face to the world, mostly because it has fear of losing in transactions. Fear of getting emotionally, socially, financially getting hurt & lost. The moment we are ready to let go the win, the ego, we would definitely see that side of unconditional coming up more often. It's tough, I know, but still worth giving a try..

sammy

Jun 2, 2020

Um, no. Everything in human relating is, ultimately, transactional. And that's a good thing; it's not manipulative at all. Everything action we take on earth creates an energetic exchange. All of it, thoughts, words, deeds. Nothing can be extracted from the exchange of energy. Succumb to an adolescent's bargaining? Why not engage the adolescent wisely? Hear them out? Teach them how to skillfully engage? It's not succumbing to listen carefully and give their words value. We rely on grace and aspiration, love and kindness. Those are transactions that take place on a plane beyond human. Transactions go far beyond what can be weighed, measured, or bargained.We give and experience the joy of giving. That's a transaction. We try to do the right thing. That's a transaction, even if the people involved haven't negotiated it. These types of transactionsunfold in multiple dimensions. And trust cannot, and should not, continue if you continually get hurt or screwed o... View full comment

Cheryl gowin

Jun 2, 2020

There is also a place for heathy boundaries

yvonne

Jun 2, 2020

It is not until our trust...the trust that has been corroded....by wounds unexpressed....can find that solvent....that erases all the rust...and our trust can then be shared with others because we know it is on solid ground.....until then...we will keep being stuck as in a revolving door...continuing to repeat and push our wounds out to whoever we connect with....when you begin to understand how loved you are....all else melts away,....you cannot give this to another.....but you can pray in trust that it will become ,..one single entirety.....

Amy Jun 2, 2020

You ARE loved! Wherever you go ... whatever you do ... people love you! I think YOU already KNOW that!

David Doane

May 31, 2020

For me, acting unconditionally means acting that is the honest, open, and caring response to what is happening without trying to control, create, or prevent outcome. It's not manipulative or goal-directed. It's free of bargaining, rules, and agenda. As I see it, it is the highest form of acting. I am in control of whether I act unconditionally; I can't control outcome. Acting unconditionally requires faith that it is best for me and others and it is the best contribution I can make to a favorable outcome I learned that many years ago. My mantra and focus became process, not outcome; that is, unconditional acting and hope for the best. I definitely don't always act that way, but what helps me shift from transaction to trust is that it is its own reward when I am true to myself, it gives me satisfaction and peace, and often the outcome is good.

Jagdish P Dave

May 30, 2020

Mark Mason's article from Transaction ToTrust made me think deeply. Conditional relationships are transactional relationships. They are bargainingrelationships. They are deal making relationships. Such relationships are normal in the material or worldly world. We may have the same kind of conditional mindset in our personal and interpersonal relationships. Such mindset is based on the following equation: If only when you do this thing for me or if only when I get this then I will be with you. We all know that such a mindset may bring achievement or gratification for a while. Loving relationships are not founded on if when and then equation. They are unconditional. The foundation of such relationships is unshakable trust or faith.Without faith there is no true and enduring love. I was blessed to have people in my life who mostly related to me unconditionally. The early childhood experiences of unconditional love have built a solid foundation for my personality development. It is my ... View full comment