From Transaction To Trust
De la transacción a la confianza--por Mark Manson
Las cosas más valiosas e importantes en la vida son, por definición, no transaccionales. Y tratar de negociar por ellas es destruirlas inmediatamente. No puedes conspirar para ser feliz; Es imposible. Pero esto es a menudo lo que la gente trata de hacer, especialmente cuando buscamos auto-ayuda y otros consejos de desarrollo personal: esencialmente dicen: "Enséñame las reglas del juego que tengo que jugar y lo jugaré". sin darse cuenta de que es el hecho mismo de que piensen que hay reglas para la felicidad lo que les impide ser felices.
Si bien las personas que navegan por la vida a través de negociaciones y reglas pueden llegar lejos en el mundo material, permanecen lisiados y solos en su mundo emocional. Esto se debe a que los valores transaccionales crean relaciones que se basan en la manipulación.
Se debe demostrar a los adultos que la negociación es una cinta de correr interminable, que las únicas cosas en la vida de verdadero valor y significado se logran sin condiciones, sin transacciones. Requiere buenos padres y maestr@s que no sucumban a la negociación del/la adolescente. La mejor manera de hacerlo es con el ejemplo, mostrando incondicionalidad tú mism@. La mejor manera de enseñarle a un/a adolescente a confiar es confiar en él. La mejor manera de enseñarle respeto a un/a adolescente es respetarl@. La mejor manera de enseñar a alguien a amar es amándolo. Y no le obligas a amar, confiar o respetar, después de todo, eso haría que esas cosas sean condicionales, simplemente se las das, entendiendo que en algún momento, la negociación del adolescente fracasará y él/ella comprenderá el valor de incondicionalidad cuando esté list@.
It's difficult to act unconditionally. You love someone knowing you may not be loved in return, but you do it anyway. You trust someone even though you realize you might get hurt or screwed over. That's because to act unconditionally requires some degree of faith -- faith that it's the right thing to do even if its results aren't what you expect.
Es difícil actuar incondicionalmente. Amas a alguien sabiendo que puede que no te ame a cambio, pero lo haces de todos modos. Confías en alguien a pesar de que te das cuenta de que podrían lastimarte o jugrártela. Esto se debe a que actuar incondicionalmente requiere cierto grado de fe: fe en que estás haciendo lo correcto, incluso si sus resultados no son los esperados.
Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la noción de que actuar incondicionalmente requiere cierto grado de fe? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de algún momento en el que la incondicionalidad abrió nuevas vías de comprensión en tu vida? ¿Qué te ayuda a pasar de la transacción a la confianza?
Mark Manson es un autor superventas.
Mark Manson is a best-selling author.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that acting unconditionally requires some degree of faith? Can you share a personal story of a time unconditionality opened up new avenues of understanding in your life? What helps you shift from transaction to trust?
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9 Past Reflections
On Jun 3, 2020 Pia wrote :
I agree that acting unconditionally requires faith but I feel at certain times unconditionality works and at others its ok to have some degree of expectations from a relationship. For example in a marriage, you expect your partner to treat you with respect. They won't necessarily behave how you want them to all the time and we should allow them the freedom to live their own paths but in doing so I would expect respect. If they are harmful to us in any way, then I wouldn't agree with still giving respect from our side. This may not be the right way but I feel each situation is different and has to be considered separately. There are times when we have to behave with trust and continue to love//respect/give without expectations, but not always.
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On Jun 3, 2020 Shyam Gupta wrote :
We all want happiness , but are looking for it at the wrong places and through the wrong means. We want to purchase happiness, thinking its transactional. We start bringing transactionality even in our close relations , many times manipulating relationships to seek happiness.
True happiness is non transactional and it is an outcome of unconditional loving and unconditional trust in the process of nature. We love unconditionally and we trust unconditionally. Yes we may get frustrated at times when we are not loved back or when our trust gets broken . We need to have faith in the law and process of nature and make our best effort in loving and trusting unconditionally for their is no other way to find happiness and joy.
True happiness is non transactional and it is an outcome of unconditional loving and unconditional trust in the process of nature. We love unconditionally and we trust unconditionally. Yes we may get frustrated at times when we are not loved back or when our trust gets broken . We need to have faith in the law and process of nature and make our best effort in loving and trusting unconditionally for their is no other way to find happiness and joy.
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On Jun 2, 2020 Pankaj Mehra wrote :
"Unconditional"- Just a 'word' - easy to read & write but understand. In this fast paced & materialistic world, where all human emotional might seem transactional, there is definitely some small part of ours within, which still is unconditional. It's just, that part doesn't show its face to the world, mostly because it has fear of losing in transactions. Fear of getting emotionally, socially, financially getting hurt & lost. The moment we are ready to let go the win, the ego, we would definitely see that side of unconditional coming up more often. It's tough, I know, but still worth giving a try..
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On Jun 2, 2020 sammy wrote :
Um, no. Everything in human relating is, ultimately, transactional. And that's a good thing; it's not manipulative at all. Everything action we take on earth creates an energetic exchange. All of it, thoughts, words, deeds. Nothing can be extracted from the exchange of energy.
Succumb to an adolescent's bargaining? Why not engage the adolescent wisely? Hear them out? Teach them how to skillfully engage? It's not succumbing to listen carefully and give their words value.
We rely on grace and aspiration, love and kindness. Those are transactions that take place on a plane beyond human. Transactions go far beyond what can be weighed, measured, or bargained.We give and experience the joy of giving. That's a transaction. We try to do the right thing. That's a transaction, even if the people involved haven't negotiated it. These types of transactionsunfold in multiple dimensions. And trust cannot, and should not, continue if you continually get hurt or screwed o... [View Full Comment]
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On Jun 2, 2020 yvonne wrote :
It is not until our trust...the trust that has been corroded....by wounds unexpressed....can find that solvent....that erases all the rust...and our trust can then be shared with others because we know it is on solid ground.....until then...we will keep being stuck as in a revolving door...continuing to repeat and push our wounds out to whoever we connect with....when you begin to understand how loved you are....all else melts away,....you cannot give this to another.....but you can pray in trust that it will become ,..one single entirety.....
1 reply: Amy | Post Your Reply
On May 31, 2020 David Doane wrote :
For me, acting unconditionally means acting that is the honest, open, and caring response to what is happening without trying to control, create, or prevent outcome. It's not manipulative or goal-directed. It's free of bargaining, rules, and agenda. As I see it, it is the highest form of acting. I am in control of whether I act unconditionally; I can't control outcome. Acting unconditionally requires faith that it is best for me and others and it is the best contribution I can make to a favorable outcome I learned that many years ago. My mantra and focus became process, not outcome; that is, unconditional acting and hope for the best. I definitely don't always act that way, but what helps me shift from transaction to trust is that it is its own reward when I am true to myself, it gives me satisfaction and peace, and often the outcome is good.
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On May 30, 2020 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
Mark Mason's article from Transaction ToTrust made me think deeply. Conditional relationships are transactional relationships. They are bargainingrelationships. They are deal making relationships. Such relationships are normal in the material or worldly world. We may have the same kind of conditional mindset in our personal and interpersonal relationships. Such mindset is based on the following equation: If only when you do this thing for me or if only when I get this then I will be with you. We all know that such a mindset may bring achievement or gratification for a while. Loving relationships are not founded on if when and then equation. They are unconditional. The foundation of such relationships is unshakable trust or faith.Without faith there is no true and enduring love.
I was blessed to have people in my life who mostly related to me unconditionally. The early childhood experiences of unconditional love have built a solid foundation for my personality development. It is my ... [View Full Comment]