Before You Know What Kindness Really Is

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Image of the Week

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
    purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

--Naomi Shihab Nye, from The Words Under the Words

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59 Past Reflections
AN
Abhimanyu Nair
Oct 5, 2023
Jawarlal Nehru?
DM
Sep 17, 2022
Fragile Song by Sting Lyrics If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one Drying in the color of the evening sun Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away But something in our minds will always stay Perhaps this final act was meant To clinch a lifetime's argument That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could For all those born beneath an angry star Least we forget how fragile we are On and on the rain will fall Like tears from a star Like tears from a star On and on the rain will say How fragile we are How fragile we are On and on the rain will fall Like tears from a star Like tears from a star On and on the rain will say How fragile we are How fragile we are If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one Drying in the color of the evening sun Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away But something in our minds will always stay On and on the rain will fall Like tears from a star Like tears from a star On and on the rain will say How fragile... View full comment
NB
Nancy Barker
Feb 15, 2022
With the loss of my son, I was awakened to this truth. Poems like this continue to find me.
DM
DAX MICHAELS Sep 17, 2022
I am sorry for your loss! SERIOUSLY
DM
DAX MICHAELS Sep 17, 2022
I am sorry for your loss! SERIOUSLY
KA
Karen
Aug 16, 2021
I've known this sorrow and I have this kindness. May it shine out through me and touch everyone I meet.
WI
William
May 11, 2021
There is no choice between being kind to others and being kind to ourselves.It is the same thing,From the book The power of kindness Author PieroFerrucci
BI
Billie
Nov 5, 2020
My therapist, who walked with me through my deepest pain, shared this poem with me. As I read the exquisite words, I relived the "sorrow" to which Naomi refers. Then, I thought of the power of Grace as Divine Mystery, my therapist, friends, and family ushered me into the joyful life I now have. And I honored my willingness and courage to travel the road of grief and loss and shame.The poem is quite sad and quite comforting. With Gratitude for Naomi's words and Peace to all who read them.
FR
Fran
Apr 30, 2020
Thank you for such a beautiful poem Naomi.

RA
Rab
Dec 3, 2019
Kindness connected to compassion can move mountains! 🌈🙏
CO
Connie
Aug 6, 2019
You touch my heart
AM
Anita massaro
May 28, 2019
One of the most moving poems-words spun into the deepest crevices of the soul to touch the hidden places where empathy and compassion are stored- i read this aloud to a group of women in recovery and after the reading the option was a smoke break or to talk-they chose to sit and revist- this spsaks volumes to the power
AR
Aryan
May 2, 2018

 What is the theme of this poem? 
What are the types of figurative languages she used?
Please tell me

CL
cleo Feb 28, 2021
Personification -Towards the end, she is giving kindness (an emotion) human descriptions - tying shoes.
JP
jpw
Apr 12, 2018

 I heard you on Krista Tippit's Sunday morning show and was marvelously impressed. I know you're very busy but in a moment of quiet time maybe you could some of my work. I could send you some. The only thing on my bucket list is to be on Krista's show. Respectfully, Joseph Lee (jpw)

JC
jim carlin
Mar 18, 2018

 writing-reading-are simple acts of kindness

JF
josiah firl
Nov 30, 2016

 What iis the definition of kindness according to this poem...

GL
Grace Lynch
Jun 16, 2016

 beautiful and wise. thank you, Naomi.

KK
Kathryn Kuhlman
Jan 31, 2016

 Beautiful... so true.

AL
alison
Aug 20, 2015

 
extraordinary....
thank you Naomi
for your kindness

NA
Naomi Apr 24, 2019
You’re welcome
AD
aderommie
May 21, 2015

 Profound!

HW
howard wideman
Jan 6, 2015

 amazing words after our house burn't down October 2014

TO
Torinfser
Oct 14, 2014

 That Deep.

FK
fae kontje-gibbs
Sep 24, 2013

 This came to me through a string of friends sharing poetry on facebook....just about the best use of facebook I have encountered yet! a very timely poem to read at 6:10 in the morning after rising hours earlier in the dark, unable to sleep for the anxious worry fear thoughts banging in my head......"then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore."  Life looks better with the eyes open. Laundry folded with love is healing. I heard you read, Naomi, on Martha's Vineyard 2 summers ago and you speak to my life heart mind experience.  Thank you gifted one for having the courage to share it.  Blessings, fae-kontje-gibbs

MN
mimi nardini
Dec 31, 2012

... so truly, truly lovely !!! thnx mimi
MS
Mary Stebbins Taitt
Oct 6, 2012
 My brother's best friend died and only this poem gave him and us small comfort and we love it and it rings in us like deep bells of sadness.
JU
julimac
Jan 22, 2012

This is a killer poem. It stops me dead in my tracks, pierces to that "other deepest thing" and brings me back to myself. 

The reading, on the other hand, is so poorly done, so overly expressive, and falsely expressive that it offends the poem and the poet.

AN
ana
Sep 13, 2011

yes    yes        because at first sorrow can seem so isolating

'the tender gravity of kindness'   contains the seed of healing

once you see the 'size of the cloth', you understand that kindness

(to the starving or tortured) contains the seed of hope

where food and rest are the tender gravity necessary for change

so the mirrors may someday all reflect the region of kindness;

(a gift everyone can afford and that all creatures understand)

CC
Jul 8, 2011

Beautiful and healing words

YO
Yogiannej
Jul 7, 2011

 truly beautiful and reminds me of the clan of kindness one immerses into - when nothing else makes sense of letting go 

BR
Jul 7, 2011

WOW. What a powerful poem. Grateful to learn of this wonderful poet.

CC
Claudia Cumming
Jul 7, 2011

Amazing is all I can say.

BT
Barbara Tieken
Apr 25, 2011
 My path has crossed with Naomi Shihab Nye's several times back in New Braunfels, Texas, when this great poet was still Naomi Shihab. I was privileged to have read poems with Naomi and several other poets at the Shiner Catholic Picnic/ Poetry Reading at Gaslight Theatre.  "Words Under the Words" remains one of my favorite book of poetry.  Naomi is as true and genuine a person as her words.  Her poem on kindness is timeless, especially today with the immigration issues we are facing.  Simple kindness is indeed often expressed more freely by those who have the least. I see that at our Kuykendall Scholarship Bake Sales where we raise money for bright African-American seniors to receive scholarships to "jump start" their higher education.  Some folks who can least afford it are always the ones who come to the bake sale and buy the most.  Our committee's guiding principle is  that we send students to college by selling everything f... View full comment
DM
DAX MICHAELS Sep 17, 2022
BABS DAHLING, YOU HAVE HEART!!!
SU
Apr 23, 2011
Ohmygoodness, I await the delivery of the weekly iJourney read with delightful anticipation! *giggle  With each delivery I am encouraged to think beyond myself and I am sweetly reminded of how beauty-full life is and can be with learning and living.  This weeks iJourney read, I am reminded of the engagement received at the Wednesday gatherings, the peaceful quiet of the Mehta family home and sharing of thoughts and feelings and ideas. I felt those same blessings here the last couple visits to this iJourney post reading the thoughts and feelings of those that have shared here... I found the poem and poet to be as Pavi stated, "gentle and sharp at the same time" and reading through Katherine's and Manisha's experiences and then Somik's wisdom and connection to "The Mahabharata", I am beautifully nudged to open my heart further and my mind more to Ms. Nye's message. Kindness, indeed awareness, can come with the experiences of a heav... View full comment
~L
Apr 23, 2011

Nye's poem moved me deeply, yes...but to read such thoughtful, intellegent, heartfelt comments from readers enriched my experience and understanding immensely. A lovely gift of kindness. Thank you.

PA
Apr 21, 2011
 Nye is a magician-poet. She turns words into wisdom. Gentle and sharp at the same time. The first time I stumbled across this poem it prompted me to scribble this one: Before you know gratitude really is You must accumulate things, yes Feel your possessions pile up in a moment Like feather mattresses for a princess. Walking, what you clutch in your hands What you heave onto your back must Grow unbearably heavy Turning your footsteps towards That place where thankfulness  Becomes necessity and all Burdens turn into butterflies Rising in colorful clouds From your shoulders.   ***************************   in gratitude :) pavi ... View full comment
SH
Apr 21, 2011
Greetings! This is a lovely poem, thank you for sharing it. I believe we feel kindness in its happening when our gentle nurturing presence comes alive in offering/receiving love during the moments of humility and oneness with the world. It reminds me of Parker Palmer's intuitive sense of kindness that resonates with my own sense that I am struggling to share here: "Š as winters turn into spring, I find it not only hard to cope with mud but also hard to credit the small harbingers of larger life to come, hard to hope until the outcome is secure. Spring teaches me to look more carefully for the green stems of possibility; for the intuitive hunch that may turn into a larger insight, for the glance or touch that may thaw a frozen relationship, for the stranger's act of kindness that makes the world seem hospitable again." (Source: Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation)... View full comment
RA
raj
Apr 21, 2011

my coment is basicly only one of tyep person that like losser person is depriceated but he done that work after long time that time felling his person is well but dont fell praod why?

JP
JENNIFER POKUAA
Apr 20, 2011

likes to receive more of such good works

KA
Kathryn
Apr 19, 2011

The part of the poem that referred to sorrow - I have experienced that sorrow. I lost my son, and the sorrow that sprang forth from my being was beyond anything that words can express. These words of Nye's capture it as best as anything:

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

This cateclysmic event in my heart enabled me to become even more kind and compassionate than ever before. This poem is so powerful to me.

 

SM
stephen Mbuthia
Apr 19, 2011

I love this show,good work and keep it up..

TR
Apr 19, 2011

Really touched me, thanks

RA
Apr 19, 2011
This passage was about attention for me: that to know kindness requires tuning into the constancy of the gifts that sustain us.  The challenge with constancy is that its so easy to take that flow for granted and lose gratitude for the kindness which continually charges us up.  Hence to know kindness, the author says we must go to the extreme end where its flow is nearly choked off such that even the smallest trickle gives rise to an abundant gratitude which ultimately transforms how we live.  There is truth in this, but also think there's a golden middle path that's found in fully accepting the challenges life throws at us.  Many examples of this: if somehow you don't get a meal or two, be with your hunger and watch how it changes all your lenses; if a car or train isn't available, let your muscles strain on the long journey home by foot or bicycle; if you feel ignored, embrace your fundamental aloneness past the point of discomfort; and through all of these things ... View full comment
ME
Apr 19, 2011

This is simple and wise. Thanks for sharing this lovely poem!

MA
Apr 19, 2011

It is synronicity/serendepity that I read this poem today. Today, I was wondering how it would be to feel wise after going through life with ups and downs. I know conceptualty, it is to remind kind/graceful/smiling/accepting instead of feeling cynical and bitter. This poem does a great job in showing the positive and wise emotions that come out of setbacks. I know life has setbacks, and if we can have positive emotions that arise instead of negative, its a much better option.

DE
Deborah
Apr 19, 2011

 When I substitute the word 'grace' for ' kindness' then the poem takes on a deeper significance for me, and I understand more what kind of 'kindness' Naomi is talking about.

SR
Apr 18, 2011
On the interplay of kindness and sorrow, the story that has inspired me the most comes from India's ancient epic, "The Mahabharata." A powerful emperor decided to give away his wealth to his citizens in the largest giving ceremonies of those times. In his court, everyone was astonished at how much he gave away, leading some to declare that this was the greatest giving that mankind had witnessed. "Pooh!" came a voice. As everyone turned to look, it was that of a squirrel, who spoke cynically, "Hah! This is not the greatest giving at all." The squirrel had a body that was half golden and half brown. The angry courtiers asked the squirrel to explain himself. The squirrel then told his story. "There lived a teacher in a village, who had been unable to get alms for many days. One day, he finally managed to get a little rice and rushed home delighted. He told his wife to make a meal that they would enjoy with their children, after having starved for many ... View full comment
KI
Apr 18, 2011

Beautiful poem and a strong message driving me to really take a step back and read those line aloud again in order to feel all those moments when kindness arose in the weakest moments of my life; when I felt I did not have anything left in me, I felt the kindness inside me that helped me help others and myself. I find strength and hope in being kind  when I am just about to give up. The lines that stuck with me:

how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.

RI
Apr 18, 2011

As I read and reread the passage, I am struck by the similarity between what I experience as an overwhelming sense of gratitude and this poetic experiential definition of kindness.  Both are expressed with an open heart.  Both give us pause to remember that right action transcends time.  Both can be exercised as a profoundly positive extension of our deeply personal 'story'.  Both are extraordinary expressions of the deepest truth we can know...that everything is love. 

XI
Apr 17, 2011

A dying man’s words are kind.“ - Chinese proverb

CP
Apr 17, 2011
ddailygood   Thanks for the opportunity to respond to this kind article and the many other words on kindness from charity focus and daily good. I have a long file about kindness and I believe it is made me a bit kinder since I began keeping the file motivated by charity focus. This Talmud says: "Kindness is the highest form of wisdom." To paraphrase Gandhi, there is no way to kindness, kindness is the way. I hope the following isn’t too long but I had so many great quotes on kindness that I had trouble selecting. Most of  these quotes came from charity focus  and daily good. For all those involved with charity focus in daily good, you my deep gratitude. Warm and kind regards, Conrad P Pritscher     Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns. - Author Unknown   Aldous Huxley Aldous Huxley who said: "It's a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no... View full comment
NI
Apr 17, 2011

In every day life, i feel kindness  when I can say "it's alright"  to things that my gut response says are not alright .

EL
Apr 17, 2011
This was an interesting article... I felt the journey of Naomi Shihab Nye. And, I had an insight into her understandings, perspective and interpretations of ‘a’ kindness. But, I did not feel the kindness, the actual ‘kindness’   I felt the struggle of hardness to experience a ‘perceived’ life’s kindness lesson.   In Nye’s viewpoint, this reflected the duality of the struggle to accept, and feel, ‘self’ kindness.   An expectation, or a stigma put on ‘kindness’ So one must feel the sorrow of life before a kindness comes into the picture, Or can be had, Or can be felt, or given...   Hmm - Interesting   But.. Is this really how we know kindness?   No, I don’t believe so..    I do see that life and life’s journeys teaches us some form of kindness.. But, I would think; Kindness itself comes from the ‘self’, from the heart, from th... View full comment
RS
Apr 16, 2011

Dear Friends,

For me kindness means

- a way to share what you have with less fortunate ones - for example I am better placed financially so I make my childrens cloths available to the children of barber, cobbler. The clothes are perfect, but my children have had new clothes to wear

- a way to share your time with the person who has come to you for getting a solution for his life. Hearing him intently and helping him through whatever you can, is kindness

- a way to decrease the load of life. By s miling at the other person we can do this. I do it when i go for my morning walk. I believe in a theory that by my smiling at the person, I can surely improve his day. There is no compulsion on me to do this. But i still do without much ego and funfare as a duty,as a good citizen. This is kindness.

With love and regards

Ravi Sheshadri

PK
Apr 16, 2011

 some parts of the poem resonated more than others for me. It is easier to be kind when have everything and share some of it with kindness. But when I have nothing and seek something myself, to be kind to others and give half of it or all of it, that is transformational. Interestingly though, I found poor give away bigger percentage of their wealth and are more kind to others who need what they need.

Recently, i have been experiencing a lot of kindness and compassion from others. It feels like when I am ready to receive, my heart opens to seeing others who are kind. Most of my life it was all about my kindness but recent experience makes me believe that I was so blind and self centered and did not have a clue what kindness really meant. I had conceptual and intellectual understanding but till I became empty and open to learning, listening and receiving Grace, what I had did not amount to much...