Watching Volcanoes Explode
We must become deeply aware of our bondage if we value freedom. We begin to watch our behavior throughout the day; we notice the fear, the anxieties, how much behavior is controlled by acquisitiveness, how we compare ourselves with others and want to become something that we are not. When we watch our own lives, then there is the pain and agony that the awareness of the bondage creates. If we don't observe this in ourselves, we are only theorizing about freedom. [...]
As long as we cling to the idea that this is "my mind, my own personal mind," we'll have a strong tendency to want to look as good as possible. But if we observe the mind, from a nonpersonal viewpoint, from the perspective of nonownership, simply observe our minds and how they function, we'll be less trapped by judgments.
To be attentive to the psychological structure doesn't mean we must disappear somewhere and give up all relationships, responsibilities. The aim is to stay within the movement of relationships, to continue with work, to be a responsible citizen and to be attentive to the play of the mind. But we'll have to be very alert, for the mind is subtle, wily, full of tricks.
It's a tremendous thrill to see the beginnings of anger or jealousy or greed, not simply to be caught unawares when the emotion is full-blown and has us in its grasp, but to see the first tiny movements of emotion. Where does it spread, what does it do to our behavior? Just as there is joy in exploring the unknown wildness, there is a delight in exploring the inner territory, in watching the volcanoes explode without any movement of defense, judgment, sense of ownership.
If we have never observed anger in ourselves from subtle beginnings to full explosion, we will always be caught in its force. We may try to suppress the behavior of anger, but still it will do its damage and we will not be free from it.
Attentiveness without any movement of the defense structure has its own intelligence. But the automatic tendency is to bring in defenses, judgments and to move from observation to justification, evaluation. We may say to ourselves, "My mother or my father was an angry person. I can't help it; I've had an unhappy childhood, I am an angry person because of that." [...] All the explanations, justifications may be true, but they prevent direct perception of what it is that anger does to our bodies, to relationships, to the work we do.
- Vimala Thakar, from 'Ego: Emergence and Merging Back of the "I" Process'
I am grateful for this reading, this is so educational in terms of understanding ourselves. I have been able to see my own anger, fear or other emotions few times but after they are there and I have reacted. This is a good achievement de to meditation i would say as earlier i was completely unaware. However, observing the beginning of these is a new idea to me altogether and yes it is thrilling.
The complete post is quite informative on observing self and comments as usual are very helpful. I plan to read the book and other links posted in reading and comments. Thank you for so much wisdom in the beginning of week.
Love this group.
why doesn't some volcanoes explode?
Hello Nipun,
The articles posted here are amazing. If you can, you should also experience
Sri Sri RaviShankarji's interpretation of Astavakra Geeta. That is awesome.
Best regards,
Tejal
RE: Swami Sacchidananaji - Dantali-Petlad Gujarat. I am very pleased that you cover his story. I have known him since last 25 years and stayed with his ashram several times. He is like father to me..as you may have noticed by now he does not believe in publicity or huge followers..he want to do what is right and good for society. I live in USA but there is not a single day I do not hear him on CD or talked to him in preson on phone. Simple man with very impresive thoughts. Our Hindu society is lost and we need one commander in chief..
well that is beyond our control..but thanks for covering him..
In my dreams I often pass from being myself to watching myself - like a movie. Or, I alternate from being someone other than myself to watching.
I think my inner mind has been trying to teach me this lesson for a long time.
I will try to make this happen in the waking world. Emotions can be so strong, so overpowering that they are hard to incorporate or express. My dreams remind me that sorrow can be lovely, anger can be thrilling and happiness can be dull.
Emotions are not as we have been taught to believe -all good or all bad. Every thought, every emotion, has it's beauty and it's ugliness.
Remember, only by experiencing difficulty can you experience ease. You cannot have pleasure without pain to give it reality.
All "bad" alone might be endless black, but all "good" alone is endless white. We are here to see the colors of this life.
Vimala Thakar recently passed away. For those that don't know about her, this WIE article does a great job explaining it, and I've also posted the anecdote of how I met her once.
I strive to be able to do this, to see the beginings of my emotions. So far, I have been practising leaving expectations behind, as much as possible, because those colors the lens through which we experience life. Then, I dissect any strong emotional reaction before I act on it by first turning the accusation I would have for another on myself - to what extent is the pot calling the kettle black. It is often revealing. If not, then I try to identify the fear I am acting from and try to remember that my power cannot be taken from me, it can only be handed over by me by succumbing to my fears.
