Do You Remember Your Song?

Image of the Week
Hand-drawn art by Rupali Bhuva
Image of the Week

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness with a few friends and together they pray and meditate until they hear the song of the child. They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. Then the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud.

Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else. When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her.

Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing.

At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song.

Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person’s bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life. In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child.

If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behaviour is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity.

When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.

When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion of a friend being someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it? Can you share a personal story of a time someone reminded you of your song? What helps you see beyond the mistakes of others and connect with their song instead?

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Add Your Reflection

25 Past Reflections
RI
Rida
Sep 20, 2025
In terms of seeing a friend as someone who knows your song and singing it to you, I think this means that a friend is someone who knows who you are and will remind you when you need to be reminded. Your name is your song, your identity, who you are. Sometimes we forget who we are and need people to remind us. I haven’t needed that reminder yet, though. Who I am is what I want to be and is always changing; my friends respect that. I appreciate them for that respect by doing the same for them in turn. I understand who they are deeply when they want me to or when they need me to and remind them when they lose their way.
RU
Rubyha
May 28, 2025
Does anyone know the name of that ‘certain African tribe’ ? Maybe, if Alan Cohen is still with us…he could probably shed some light?
ZB
Zena Briggs
Jan 6, 2024
Love it!
MI
Nov 5, 2023
This is so beautiful!
AH
Aaron Hustoo
Feb 15, 2023
A friend who knows your song is someone who will be there for you to pick you up when you're down and always be there to consistently remind you of your worth; often when people feel at low points of insecurity tend to take over and this cause you to mentally discourage and put down yourself. A good childhood friend of mine named Benjamin told me this memorable quote I'll never forget. Benjamin told me "you can be a bum to yourself but don't let down the people who believe in you" he reminded even when I'm going through relationship or work problems other people are still there for me and these people always sing along. Being a good person and rational listener is being able to understand other people's perspectives even if you may not agree with them; quite frankly it is important as humans (especially teens growing up into their 20s) to be able to listen to others will allow you to help them which will essentially let you connect to their song.
MK
Mohan kirade
Nov 11, 2022
Very nice
JA
Sep 21, 2022
i loved it its beautiful i loved reading it i loved the wording that you used i love singing to somtimes i sing to my self when im alone or just bored or i will write a song but i love it keep up the great work.
SA
Saskia
Aug 8, 2022
Hi, Alan, I would love to quote you in my upcoming book about pregnancy and also mention your book.

Is that okay?
KM
Kva Mary
Nov 29, 2021
What "certain" African tribe is this about please.
JA
james Sep 21, 2022
african tribe
HI
Hilde Jan 14, 2023
Please can you give The name of The tribe? I want to reder to this and need a correct reference Next to your website
MS
mohammed salim
Jul 12, 2021
Hai Alan Cohen 💕🌹💭🙏
this a story or it's real?
If it's real can you share the African tribe song lyrics? We want to know what is in it
HL
Hilary Lindsay
Dec 7, 2019
Beautiful beyond words. I have songs for my sons. Songs for my pets. They are singular and come naturally, stay always the same as time goes on. I sing them to myself, to my sons from afar though they seem too childish now and to pets even when they pass Maybe this is why.
AM
Dec 4, 2019
One of the gentlest piece of writing. Arouses such warmth within. To know that each of us is a unique, special song...with our own rhythm. How can I then dismiss any one. Do I give up a song for another? Every song has a place. It is I who needs to learn to sing the song at the right time. A chance for me to be in tune.


From: ambika 
AM
Amy Dec 6, 2019
Oh my! I love this! Thank you for sharing!!! A big AMEN!
CL
Clarice
Dec 3, 2019
I can't think of a more significant, meaningful or beautiful thing that could be gifted to a person upon birth, death and in between. I went to a workshop years ago where we were instructed on how to create our own song! First, after meditation and some journaling, we were to form a very short phrase of what we desired most in life. Mine was "to be understood and loved." To this we added, May (your name) know _______. Mine went "May Clarice know she is understood and loved." Then, he played some examples of short melodies on the piano so that we could get the gist, and surprisingly, my tune came to me, and I created my own song. That was about 7-10 years ago, and I had forgotten about it until now. When I summoned up my song, it came right to me (I was so surprised!), and I sang it to myself and felt the warmth of my love and that of the collective pour over me, and the gratitude of the people in my life that make me feel accepted and understood, along with the ... View full comment
RU
Dec 3, 2019
Although i sing many songs on my guitar, my favorite song "Somewhere over the rainbow by IZ. This song makes me feel it is some intergral part of me. When I listen it, I feel like my father (dead) is singing to me from the skies and i am alone on a tiny tropical island in the South Pacific!!!
RK
Dec 3, 2019
This submission has struck a chord so deep, so hidden and stirred something so universal within me I have no other words for this writing. So inspired. I have been 'seen'! Thank you!
JY
Dec 3, 2019
I have known my song all my life, and it has been an inner guide with no changes from my teen years into my 50s yet. It is fascinating how art helps connect us to ourselves.
DE
Dec 2, 2019
Reading this story , reminded me of the ever present story within me ' Who Am I ? Where did I come
from ? and where do I go after this birth ? and lastly What is the purpose of my life in this birth ? The
search for the answers to the above questions still continues and I am not too sure when will I get the
answers , where in this birth or not . However the search contiues
AN
Anil Dec 5, 2019
Several manuscript are available for all above answer in a very very logical sequence.. Those who are serious and passionate can get more details from me

Anil shah
PK
Dec 2, 2019
When I read the passage for this week, I was thinking about a person being filled with his/her own vibrations and experiencing them as originating primarily from oneself and reverberating in the people around that person and in the environment. That way, the resonance occurs and original frequency amplifies. While I was visualizing what it means to remember ones song, reconnecting with it and merging with the original vibration in the end, this is the picture that connected me to the passage. This picture was taken two months ago in Mt. Madonna Center in Watsonville. Baba Haridoss had created a small Hanuman temple that has been slowly becoming more famous for its simplicity, beauty and serenity. When I went there in September, somebody had created a flower decoration in water container and that is what I captured in this picture. The rose in the center is the person. Various flowers represent different people and animals and the environment. Being in the center means, the person is... View full comment
JP
Nov 29, 2019
Every one has a purpose of living. When we realize what it is we have found our song. As we go through crucial life transitions, we may forget to sing our song. We may miss the direction and take a wrong step. A true friend does not criticize us or abandonus. He or she will sing our song to remind us that we have taken the wrong turn. They do not focus on our wrong doing and judge and criticize us.. As the author Alan Cohen puts it so beautifully," They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken;your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused." I have been blessed to have a few such noblehearted friends who stood by me when I was falling into a dark pit. They empathizedwith me, walked with me, reminding me the purpose of my life whichI had seemedto have forgotten. They held my tired hands, wiped my tears; enkindled light of hope within me when I was in the dark zone of depression. I will never forget their kindness... View full comment
DD
Nov 29, 2019
I love that story about the African women tuning into the unique song of the baby, singing it when the baby is in utero, and then teaching the community to sing it to the child throughout significant times in the child's life from birth to death. It nurtures the uniqueness of the child rather than indoctrinating the child with the songs of others. And I love that the community gathers around the individual when he or she commits a wrong behavior in order to remind the individual of his or her unique identity. Our culture is not so advanced as that African village, and sure would benefit from getting there. I do have friends who sing and support my song, and remind me of it when I forget. The bottom line of a personal story is of a time when I was down on myself and friends reminded me "I have a right to be me, I have a right to be powerful." What helps me see beyond the mistakes of others and connect with their song is knowing that they are me, knowing that while I don... View full comment
AM
ANDREW M. PROKOPIS
Nov 29, 2019
It seems to me that if we, like those African women, were to sit in the wilderness of our innermost being, we would hear our song. And then we can pause, sit quietly whenever something goes wrong or we feel deeply wrong, not ourselves in some way, then the love and caring within us like those villagers will encircle us and sing our song. Loved this article!