Kindness Includes Everything
What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded ... sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.
Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth? Those who were kindest to you, I bet. It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.
Now, the million-dollar question: What’s our problem? Why aren’t we kinder?
Here’s what I think: Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions that are probably somehow Darwinian. These are: (1) we’re central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really); (2) we’re separate from the universe (there’s US and them, out there, all that other junk – dogs and swing-sets, and the State of Nebraska and low-hanging clouds and, you know, other people), and (3) we’re permanent (death is real, o.k., sure – for you, but not for me).
Now, we don’t really believe these things – intellectually we know better – but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others, even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish, more aware of what’s actually happening in the present moment, more open, and more loving.
So, the second million-dollar question: How might we DO this? How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional, etc., etc?
Well, yes, good question. Unfortunately, I only have three minutes left.
So let me just say this. There are ways. You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods and Low Kindness periods, and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter. Education is good; immersing ourselves in a work of art: good; prayer is good; meditation’s good; a frank talk with a dear friend; establishing ourselves in some kind of spiritual tradition — recognizing that there have been countless really smart people before us who have asked these same questions and left behind answers for us.
Because kindness, it turns out, is hard — it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include . . . well, everything.
How do you relate to the notion that kindness includes everything? Can you share a personal story where you found your notion of kindness expanding counterintuitively? What practice has been helped you root yourself in kindness?
Love to you!
Each day I read this quote from the Dalai Lama: "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible" I don't do it perfectly, but it helps me be aware of how important, and often, really how easy is is to be kind instead of irritated or grumpy or frustrated...and the bonus is I feel better too. For me, it needs to be a daily practice and each time I forget, I have the option to make amends or "pay it forward" It's a gift to be kind.
I completely agree !!! I will look for places today where I can be kind ,thanks for the reminder. Army of kindness that's great.
Cathy o
Listening to a friend the other day I chose to hear him without placing judgments on what he was saying. I heard him without agreeing or disagreeing. I just listened. In the end, I felt much more respect for my friend as well as for myself.
My contemplative practices of prayer and meditation have helped me to see where my mind tends to go. As a result I can make a conscious choice to love instead of reacting with my ego.
practicing yoga opens this door-not only a kinder gentler world -one also stops bashing themselves-
I would say that to kind to others we do not necessarily need to overlook our own needs. On the contrary, to be kind to others, we first need to be kind to ourselves.
There are three things that take me from a kindness mode: 1) When I'm in a hurry. My mind becomes preoccupied with my own needs, or rather, wants. This is just me being selfish. 2) When I intellectualize a situation and try to determine if a particular person (or situation) deserves kindness. And then I think who am I to determine whether one deserves or doesn't deserve kindness. This is me being arrogant and judgmental. 3) When I rationalize and create expectations for my kindness. This is my own greed. The gift given to me IS my giving kindness.
So, it all boils down to my own issues, not those of others. I need to continue to work on my own internal transformation in order to bring about an external change in my being. Only then will I be able to freely gift kindness to all <3. Thank you for continuing this circle and bringing it online :).
Have firm belief that it is through the kindness acts of noble people only, our good old earth is now surviving
thank you for ever
I being to want king of poor it is my hope
Praise and Thank​sgiving to God, in and throughout my day, best roots me in Kindness. Adequate rest, a flowing spirit and submission ( too) aid in the attitude of kindness.
When I was a little girl, there was a man in my life (my father) who did not "deserve" (by my little mind's standards) to be treated kindly. In prayer and by way of my spiritual adult mentor, God TOLD me that while I was yet a sinner ( unkind) He GIFTED me ( in kindness) His Son. In this, God told me to do the same with my father. Let your light, love and kindness be a constant to him . . . Period. As He is God (kind) and I am not, when I allowed/allow God's kindness to flow through me, I was able to do what He asked. Love ( be kind) to one another because Love ( kindness) is of God. Amen and amen to The Gift of Christmas. Love you!
