Letter to My Grandson

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CARTA A MI NIETO


A nadie nos resultan fáciles los cambios. Cuanto mayores nos hacemos, más cambios tenemos que afrontar. Todo cambio implica una pérdida, y siempre que perdemos algo, querríamos recuperarlo. Cada cosa que he perdido en mi vida – fuera importante o no – al principio quería recuperarla.


Así que, como sabemos que todo cambio implica pérdida y toda pérdida a su vez lleva a un cambio, mamá y papá andaban preocupados por cómo reaccionarías cuando llegara la hora de que renunciaras a tu amado chupete – tu “chupe”.


Ahora que has cumplido cuatro años, ya no tienes chupete; no tienes nada para que te proteja cuando sientes miedo. Por eso es que los cambios son difíciles. Esos objetos transicionales nos proporcionan una falsa sensación de seguridad. Cuando desaparecen, no nos queda otra que gestionar esa inseguridad que siempre estuvo allí.


Sam, prácticamente todo aquello por lo que nos encariñamos, tarde o temprano lo vamos a perder; nuestras cosas, a nuestros seres queridos, incluso nuestra juventud y nuestra salud. Así es: cada pérdida nos llega como un mazazo. Pero esa pérdida también abre paso a otras posibilidades. Un dicho Sufi lo expresa así: “Cuando el corazón llora por aquello que perdió, el alma se regocija por lo que gana en su lugar.”


Por mucho que alguien que te ame quiera evitar que sientas dolor y rápidamente te dé tu chupete, eso no sería una buena idea. Cada etapa del crecimiento tiene que ver con perder algo, y sin esa pérdida no tendrías acceso a lo bueno que te trae.


De modo que, cuando experimentes el dolor de una pérdida, por favor no eches mano de cualquier cosa para librarte de él. Solo confía en que, como todo, se trata de algo pasajero. Si decides atravesarlo conocerás tu habilidad para lidiar con la adversidad. Aprenderás cómo es que manejas los momentos difíciles y te sentirás orgulloso. Y cuando ya estés al otro lado, habrás aprendido algo más sobre ti.


Hace poco que una amiga mía me hablaba de que había tenido tantas dificultades en su vida que le parecía que estaba viviendo una pesadilla de la que no sabía cómo salir. Le dije ¡que se fuera a una parada de autobús y que esperara allí a que uno llegara! Me miró como si me hubiera vuelto loco. Le expliqué que todas las emociones son algo pasajero, y que de la misma manera que lo hacemos con el autobús, podemos esperar a que pasen. Podemos esperar frustrados, enfadados o sintiéndonos una víctima de las circunstancias, pero eso no va a conseguir que el bus llegue antes; podemos esperar con paciencia y relajadamente, pero eso ¡tampoco va a hacer que el bus venga antes! Lo único que tenemos que hacer es confiar en que va a llegar.


--Daniel Gottlieb, en Cartas a Sam
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40 Past Reflections
US
Dec 22, 2021
Beautifully narrated.
As I read this and recollect my life…
Having lost the house, business, loved ones ….not sure of what was happening, but everything was gone in a jeffy. The ground broke loose and everything that I thought was mine was lost. The lifetime of building it all up was shattered. No amount of effort to protect it helped. It’s all history, but as I read this, all comes alive and as I write this, I shed the tears of pain again. Knowing and understanding fully well, the universe has put me on to another trajectory which is greater than all that I thought I built. The joy of being in the womb of this creation negates all the hurt and pain that I think causes due to your past,
GI
GITA
Feb 6, 2014

Guess we all have a grandfather somewhere in the form of someone telling us such beautiful words of wisdom. In my case it was this grandfather!!

GITA

GB
Grace Binas
Jun 23, 2012
 "When the heart weeps for what it's lost, the soul rejoices for what it's gained."
VS
Apr 27, 2012
There's a poem in my language (Marathi), the chorus says 'Vichitra Jagati Karma Asay, Mann Chintite Hoat Nasay' (The world is peculiar with law of Karma at play all the time. What the mind desires doesn't always come about),

The poem ends with this encouraging line: â€‹'Ya Karmanna Jinkuni Gele Tech Jagi Yaa Dev Khare...'

(Those who overcome these Karmas, are the true divine beings...)  
RF
Ricardo from Brazil
Apr 23, 2012
At this moment this is more for me than for my grandson?...great explanation and comparison with the bus station. Thanks for that .
DI
Dianne
Apr 23, 2012
 Blessings and thank you, Dianne              I AM
RU
Dec 26, 2011

 Everything on earth is temporary, even our very lives. James 4:14 says, " Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." And so, Matthew 6:20 suggests, " But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."

JI
Dec 18, 2011

Our lives these truths we cannot ignore yet our dreams are always within reach with each and every breathe we believe in a power greater than ourselves as we reflect on the life everlasting free from sin free from evil grow in me almighty spirit and allow me to release and evdure the love you have for me like the growth in each and every moment of my journey.

PA
Dec 12, 2011
 My family calls me Pancho and many of you don't know me, but I'd like you to know that I love you all. Last Wednesdays I shared a brief story and a reflection of our true nature. The CF-parents were not at the Kindness Temple since they were spreading loving-kindness and the real (r)evolution in the part of the Planet we call India. This snippet gives you a flavor of the magnitude of an entire family in full service to humanity. Subtle beauty at its best :-) Because Mamá Harshida and Papá Dinesh weren't physically there with us, I'm writing this piece. These were the three points that flowed through me, and while I shared only two that night, here are three ;-): 1. Cultivating Gratitude: Not So Lost Wisdom2. Every Breath, Every Step3. The US% 1. Cultivating Gratitude: Not So Lost WisdomAll Wednesdays and Saturdays, we host a vegan lunch --cooked by one of the anchor volunteers-- for all volunteers at the Free Fa... View full comment
MA
madhur May 1, 2013

Loved your comments, thanks for the wisdom. 

SC
scharleyne
Dec 10, 2011

 Thanks for sharing your story .Now i myself can say to the world that i can go passed all the changes around..changes can move myself..or my career into something new and dont be afraid of it because it help me to better person more

 

JO
jo
Dec 10, 2011

Thank you for sharing, I myself am going through some life changes, I'm planning on moving to a big city to attend a college there. I've always been a small town girl, and I'm feeling a bit axiouse about the change. Whenever I go anywhere I always feel a compulsion to take along with me several books and anything els I can grab at the last minit. I don't konw how I'm going to manage moving to a new place, but this story helped me see change in a different light, thank you.

 

SO
Someone May 1, 2013

 Hope your journey is going good. Have faith, you may lose out on few things which give false sense of security but gain few others which help you evolve as a person. I remember my past and some of younger friends , relatives present on reading your piece. I can assure all will be good for soul, go with trust in universe!

Blessings.

SU
Sumit
Dec 10, 2011

Thanks for sharing your thought !! "Nothing Lasts Forever" is a bitter truth and also a pleasant relief

KA
Kazi
Dec 9, 2011

Reminded me of the Bob Marley song, "Three Little Birds"..."don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright..." - it's become easier for me to face many things since I started believing this...Thank you for such a nice piece of writing... 

ZE
Zeina
Dec 9, 2011

 Nobody gets what he wants unless he forgets

TO
Toni
Dec 9, 2011

WOW...simply beautiful and perfect - thank you:-) - Toni

SA
sachin agarwlla
Dec 8, 2011

In one word problms will come fade away like algebra class.But lessons we will learn  will last a lifetime.

MA
maureen aiza laoan
Dec 8, 2011

love it! :0 more of this stories :)

AA
ayush agnihotri
Dec 8, 2011

the letter gives a brief reflection of what we face in life................thats true...to gain something we have to loose also......

 

DO
Dora
Dec 7, 2011

I appreciate your letter its inspiring.

Of the truth,each lose is a blow but also an opportunity.The earlier human beings appreciate this fact the better for them.

 

 

NA
Nagaraj
Dec 7, 2011

 Hi..

Thank you for the "Letter"...Its simply superb..I'm really inspired by the last couple of lines. Awesome!!

Sometimes We've  to loss..,else we can't enjoy the taste of success...

DD
Dec 6, 2011

 I very much like "Letter to my Grandson." Thank you. I would offer only two comments. One, we lose everything we become attached to and everything we don't become attached to, not almost everything -- that's life. Two, pain is transitional, as you say -- pain like joy is transitional, with another or more pain or joy to follow. There is no painless living. We have choice in how we suffer the pain and in the amount of joy we allow.

MA
Dec 6, 2011

This piece comes just in time as I found myself "waiting for the bus" (train) this morning -- along with hundreds of commuters, all in a rush to get to work. Instead of checking my watch to try to calculate how late I'd be, I lowered my eyes to the ground and began to observe myself in waiting. I noticed how my heart started beating a bit faster, my chest subtly tightened with anxiety, and how I became defensive of "my space" so that more physically aggressive people would not push me out of the way. It was a rich learning experience. :) This passage inspires me to continuously observe myself so that I can accept change with balance, grace, and faith. Thank you. :)

SO
someone May 1, 2013

Thanks for sharing your observation, it is helpful indeed for others too. It is true that we create anxiety, tension and excitement etc. Its our reaction to a situation which  gets reflected in our behavior. The observance as you did is similar to what is taught in vipassana. Pratice of 'samta; and 'pragya' is very useful for each awareness.

RA
Randie
Dec 6, 2011

Thank you, I needed this. I have been struggling with getting older. Looking different everyday, feeling little more pain.  I needed this story and this web site.  All I do is work and worry and never know how to relax. I love reading stories like this and God. I know Change is difficult, but even when you know it is hard.  Bless you for this story. 

DE
Debbie
Dec 6, 2011

Thank you, this is very wise and helped me with the change I am currently experiencing in my life.  I am living with loss of my parent thru dementia and empty nest with my children.  The statement: "Those transitional objects give us the illusion of security. When they are gone, we are left with the insecurity that's been there all along", is exceptionally powerful.  I also enjoyed the words "So when you feel the pain of loss, please don't grab at something to take away the pain. Just have faith that pain, like everything else, is transitional." 

 

 

NO
Noor
Dec 6, 2011

This is a right and wise story. Emations are temporary and bus won't come in anger or in another tpye of feelings but normally its time.

Change is also another job which needs one to come near loss.

whoever wrote must had learned something about life.

Noor

GQ
Gail Quarles
Dec 6, 2011
 When I was in agony from firbromyalgia and Lyme disease and a head injury, I read the works of Mira Alfasa, the Mother  Sri Aurobindo. She taught me how to walk through and beyond the pain. As long as we recognize it as an enemy, we butt up against a wall of pain, and it is not bearable. When we walk though it to the other side, we see it's transitory nature, and we become sperate from it and it becomes bearable.  It truly works. I also took the catholic teaching of the Mother Mary of Jesus that when you consecrate your pain, it becomes useful, and you balance karma thereby. So I began to consecrate my pain for the unborn who would be aborted, and the abused children of the world. I had immediate relief. I still hurt, yes, but my pain became a gift to mankind, and not a vicious creature in itself.  Mankind is to take dominion over the world, and if we own and use our pain, it will not own us. As Buddha said.. ride the bull , and St. Francis said that we should ride... View full comment
LU
luv4all May 1, 2013

Thank you for sharing useful insights and ways of dealing with pain. These shall be good and helpful, I am sure.

KV
Dec 6, 2011
 Our troubles don’t last, they linger for a while and vanish. We shouldnot entertain in memory and recallthem to savor the feel of self-pity. When a man in sorrow is seen byhis dear ones  he feels diminished.If left alone, he gathers  sufficientstrength to accept it with courage. A contrived laughter is no gift tothose whom we love. It exercisesthe muscles. A genuine  laughtergives joy to oneself and others. Joy and grief follow each other.Viewed as a cycle, they are seenas inevitable. Darkness is not forever. Light comes to displace it .... View full comment
JP
Dec 6, 2011
nothing ever changes. the river is always the same river. the illusion that the river is not the same river is an illusion.the idea of movement is an illusion.the matter is an illusion.the space is an illusion.time is an illusion.it is all happening within us the idea of pleasure .the idea of pain. the idea of hunger. the satiation.the light or darkness.it is all in the mind.it is all a sum of illusions marked on celluloid.none has ever seen any of these things.none has ever seen this world.all have only believed this to be the case. the solid liquid or gas.it is all chemical within mind which creates illusion of something existing and something not existing.the illusion is created by constantly drawing lines in mind make one shorter or longer one against each other.every illusion is subject to another illusion.the concepts create counter concepts. and we  constantly get caged and bonded due to these concepts that are illusion.the important thing is to stop. witness this movement ... View full comment
AV
Dec 5, 2011

The sense of memory is as much a bane as it is boon to the human beings.

As one moves ahead in the life, one has to keep on making one's cup empty enough to keep on receeving.

What we empty out, may be very dear to us, and hence may leave pain of having to leave it.

But, the memory comes a boon here. One can recall such 'dear moments' of the past and can relieve the pains of the present.

The article has so aptly ended on the note that you may have any types of emotions for the event that has happened or happening or is to happen, but that does not make any impact of the evenet as such. So, why not recall Steven Covey's '90:10 Principle' - "You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction."

BR
Dec 5, 2011

I really liked the analogy of waiting for a bus....this is so true! How we choose to wait makes a big difference.

TH
Dec 4, 2011

As adults, with yet a tendancy to resist change as regard to ourselves and others, we are able to see  what's implied in the psychological process of attachment. What does it actually mean when we say we are attached to someone? What we are attached to, in reality, is whatever past knowledge we have about that person. So much so that when he or she changes, meaning does'nt behave according to our expectations, we then feel insecure. So the attachment is not to the person for it's own sake but to the past and to the inner comfort we derive from thinking we 'know' that person. 'Detachment', when it occurs, is only towards this persistent seeking for inner comfort and security in relationship. As we grow aware of this compulsion we are more likely to allow space for ourselves and others to change. We gain inner space and others too, by the same token.  

LU
luv4all May 1, 2013

Your explanation of attachment , detachment is apt and a good learning. Thank you. 

CO
Dec 3, 2011
Thanks for the opportunity to respond.  What has helped me move beyond the apparent insecurity of change is realizing that everything constantly changes.  Accepting "what is" is a key to peaceful living. My practice and study of Zen Buddhism has helped me greatly. A  friend sent me an e-mail with the following points that I call the  mental stem  learnings. They help to bring about peace and happiness. They are:1.  Increase the tendency to let things happen rather than make things happen. 2.  Have frequent attacks of smiling. 3.  Have feelings of being connected with others and nature. 4.  Have frequent, almost overwhelming, episodes of appreciation. 5.  Have the tendency to think and act spontaneously, rather than from fears based on past experiences.  6.  Have an unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment, and to make the best out of each experience. 7. Lose the ability to worry. 8. Lose interest in co... View full comment
SS
Dec 3, 2011
My housemate told me yesterday that she was talking to a healer about her pain from Lyme disease and Diabetes.  She said the pain was so great she has had to learn how to disassociate from it in order to function.  The healer said that the practice of being unconcious - disassociation - may numb the pain, but it also disconnects her from her body's power to heal itself. It struck me when reading that she had a choice - loss of consciousness and less growth or more consciousness with more pain (loss of some relief) and growth.In my life, my greatest growth spurts were triggered by pain.  As long as I was comfortable enough (disassociated - unconscious), I would not look at myself and change.  Pain, often, was the needed mirror leading to self reflection, change and the growing of my bigger, connected Self. The more I uncover the resources of my greater Self (as opposed to my squirrel brain ego), the more I tap into security and love, supporting independence from temp... View full comment
EL
Dec 3, 2011
 Ohh my goodness, as I read this the tears rolled down my face, As the truth of this passage is forever true.. If I only had a grandfather to teach me, If I only had a grandson to teach....   My heart couldn’t believe what has been written..  So, the truth is out there!!!Well, it’s now later on in my life that I have learnt the words of Gottlieb. My life; Dysfunctional family, Poverty, addictions, Isolations, loss, Cancer, Questioning spirit, Rejection, Pains.. Life.....Life, Life... Yet, in my life, and in all of these experienced ‘hardships’ I have created the amazing me .. I love the ‘life’ me..  Ha, as I just look back and think of my life, my life as this journey, I realised I LOVED every moment of every step I took... Even the word ‘death’ didn’t distract me from the love of ‘being’ It more fuelled the fire to ‘BE’...  Look, each one has his or her own story, and anyone tha... View full comment
NI
Dec 2, 2011

 Beautiful! As a mother of two teenagers who struggles everyday with wondering if I am being the best mother I can be, this was particularly useful. Thanks.