Pain Expands Our Capacity For Joy

Image of the Week
Hand-drawn art by Rupali Bhuva
Image of the Week
El dolor expande nuestra capacidad de alegría. --por Nikole Lim

Diariamente, mi trabajo requiere que profundice en la infernal realidad de experiencias inimaginables de abuso grave. Ni las palabras ni las imágenes pueden transmitir completamente las crisis emocionales, el tormento psicológico y el dolor desgarrador que mis hijas se han visto obligadas a soportar en estos lugares. Cuando tengo ganas de rendirme bajo el peso de la injusticia violenta, recuerdo sus historias. Las supervivientes que se niegan a darse por vencidas, viven el nuevo día, extendiéndose con gracia en nombre de las demás a través de sus esfuerzos de defensa, a través de sus sueños educativos y a través de su compasión por otras versiones de sí mismas. Sus experiencias compartidas conmigo me dan la esperanza de vivir también el nuevo día, persiguiendo la llamada vocacional hacia la justicia una vez más.

En este viaje de aprender a amar, mi comunidad de supervivientes me enseñó cómo hacerlo. Cuando las palabras no podían expresar el dolor en los corazones, cantábamos y bailábamos, lloramos y reíamos, recordábamos la belleza que vemos en los demás. He visto que no se definen por su pasado traumático, pero están prosperando a través de sus historias reescritas, historias que están llenas de sueños audaces. Cuando se nos brinda la oportunidad de perseguir esos sueños nuevamente, vemos que el quebrantamiento no es algo que deba ocultarse, sino revelarse como algo hermoso.

En cada momento crítico de aflicción en el que mi espíritu se resquebrajó hasta el punto de no retorno, llegó una experiencia que lo recompuso, recordándome que estas supervivientes eran las líderes que había estado esperando. Me quedó muy claro que los oprimidos serían los que nos llevarían a la liberación. A través de sus historias, su sabiduría, sus experiencias de dolor y sus modelos de amor, los supervivientes tienen el potencial de convertirse en los líderes más poderosos entre nosotros.


He aprendido que la sanación está escondida en los lugares más inesperados: en el quebrantamiento, en el dolor, en la desesperación, en el sufrimiento porque ahí es donde la presencia del amor es una necesidad. Así como la luz coexiste con la oscuridad para hacer visible una fotografía, la yuxtaposición de atributos aparentemente opuestos tiene el potencial de expandir la capacidad de nuestro corazón.



El dolor expande nuestra capacidad de alegría, profundizando y elevando simultáneamente el potencial de nuestro corazón para experimentar un espectro más amplio de dolor y alegría juntos. Sin la experiencia del dolor, no sabríamos qué podría ser la alegría. Nunca supe lo que era reír sin restricciones hasta que estuve en comunidad con supervivientes que habían experimentado tanto dolor y, sin embargo, podían reír con libertad. Me enseñaron cómo experimentar la alegría, observar la belleza, encarnar la esperanza y expandir el amor de formas que nunca antes había conocido.




Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la noción de que el quebrantamiento no es algo que debe ocultarse sino revelarse como algo bello? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de un momento en que el dolor expandió tu capacidad de alegría? ¿Qué te ayuda a expandirte en el amor?


Nikole Lim es una cineasta que comenzó “Freely in Hope” y es autora de “Liberation is Here”.
Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion that brokenness is not something to be hidden but unveiled as a thing of beauty? Can you share a personal story of a time when pain expanded your capacity for joy? What helps you expand in love?

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16 Past Reflections
RJ
Restora Joy
Mar 29, 2025
I am dealing with joy and pain at the same time , after many years of complex trauma , sadly mine was from the cruelty of 'those closest to me' so there was a huge sense of betrayal and the one's closest to me were the ones who harmed me the most in life and I became the family scapegoat who they took out all their pain on Now it has finally stopped due to some VERY strict boundaries I am feeling JOY again but sometimes when I feel joy I then also get a HUGE pang of PAIN like the feeling of joy triggers the feeling of pain It is like I cannot enjoy one without FACING the other , but it is okay , at least is has the 'space' to all come up now rather than when I was IN the many years of trauma It is my ''healing time'' now as I could not heal while I was IN and continuously EXPERIENCING the trauma I needed the 'space' to heal , which is now So this morning I was SO looking forward to going to the garden centre to buy some plants and seeds as gardening brings me SO much JOY... View full comment
MT
Jul 5, 2023
I am amazed at the serendipity of this reading - for me at least. I spent last night struggling to sleep due to terrible physical pain, and no position I tried helped. This gradually led to some rumination about my life and then some thoughts of regret followed, and some mental and emotional pain set in. I woke however to a beautiful light this morning at 4am (letting my dog out) and the air outside had a freshness of autumn (even though it’s technically summer- which can be a bit of an illusion at times in the UK). Birds singing and an otherwise quiet calm stillness surrounded me, and filled me with a peace that took me into a much better head and heart space (despite still being in physical pain). I felt alive and grateful, in awe, and then utterly joyful. The sky had a sense of promise, the plants and trees a sense of aliveness that brought comfort to my tired being. I went back to bed, and with pillows and this peace I was able to sleep more. Sat here in my living ro... View full comment
AM
Amy Jul 6, 2023
Amen to you Mary! Amen
MA
Maha
Jul 4, 2023
As a freelance filmmaker, Nikole Lim's career allowed her to step in and out of the lives of marginalized people around the world. But when confronted with the prevalence of sexual violence in Kenyan and Zambian communities, she commits to advocating alongside the courageous survivors whose lives have intersected with hers. These women's powerful stories inspire her to embark on a new vocation, partnering with survivors of sexual violence to launch a nonprofit organization that equips women to lead through the rewritten stories of their lives. But as Lim seeks to help her friends experience healing and liberation, her perspective is altered. Spiritually depleted, she finds herself ministered to by the women she came to serve—the once oppressed become her liberators. Illustrated with dramatic full-color photography from Lim's own camera, Liberation Is Here transports us to forgotten corners of the world. From the slums of Nairobi, hospitals of Lusaka, killing fields of... View full comment
DE
Jul 4, 2023
Our depth of pain can release into the flower of love through deep connection, and shared joyful moments. What a beautiful piece of prose. Thank you.
ST
Jul 1, 2023
Wooooh! I woke shaking a bit ago. Read my friend Kerri Lakes essay on " home". Realized that I am on edge.
Something broken and painful is looming in my less than conscious parts. I have been "dealing " with painful loss of friends both to death and to misunderstandings( judgement). And , fear of making rash decisions about relationships. Balancing listening to some part of me, a guidance, that says BE ME< BE FREE and seems to work so well until I experience Others seeing me in what appears to be very different light and I am torn in conflict. IS my guidance that OFF , so skewed. Do I not have a clue to what is truly right.
This is painful. So I cry, hard, weep in sorrow for this confusion, this thought of being abandoned by who? By mother, father, lover, friend, myself, god? Somewhere, under this with a return to breath and rest, IS JOY. I am alive!!!!! Yala la la la la
BA
Barbara Jul 4, 2023
Raw and beautiful, thank you for sharing! I wish you peace and love, dear. Namaste~
DD
Jun 30, 2023
Brokenness is a thing of beauty when out of brokenness comes a new configuration or new creation with even more beauty, depth, richness, or wisdom than what was. Regarding pain expanding one's capacity for joy, I believe our capacity for joy is great, maybe infinite, and it's our awareness of that capacity and use of that capacity that can expand. Personally speaking, pregnancy miscarriages resulted in adoptions that expanded my embracing my capacity for joy in children and raising children. Joy and capacity for joy with biological children seems a given; adopted children expanded my embracing more of my capacity for joy. Pain can generate wisdom and growth. What helps me expand in love is realizing that we are one. While we express many different ways and have many different experiences of life, we are expressions of one Being or Spirit, and love is awareness of that oneness and living from that awareness.
JP
Jun 30, 2023
The notion of brokenness is not something to be hidden but unveiled reminds me of Buddha's four Noble Truths. The first noble truth is that suffering is inescapble. As humanbeings we all go through suffereings. Accept that truth. The second noble truth is to know the cause of suffering. The third noble truth is accept it and work on it diligently. The fourth noble truth is that there is a way to be free from suffereing and that leads to liberation from suffering.. When we accept the brokenness and we do not hide it, fight or deny it, than that brokeness becomes a doorway to be free from it, to heal it, and grow from it. Like other humanbeings, I have gone through brokeness of my heart. It hurt me deeply and caused deep emotional wounds in me. I have learned not to deny my brokenness, my hurt and pain, not to blame others for it but to accept it. When I relate to my suffereing this way my emotional energy doesn't get stuck or drained and it opens up my capacity to enjoy life. F... View full comment
KP
Jun 30, 2023
Thank you for your work. As a sister survivor and one who also works with survivors through Narrative Therapy Practices and the Japaneseart of Kintsugi (mending broken pottery with glue and gold to honor and highlight the cracks rather than hide them), I'm with you in the acknowledged pain and suffering And the journey to celebrating the many intelligences and skills survivors utilize to survive. Kintsugi and its metaphors are powerful and poignant in opening conversations about healing.

It's been such a profound gift to walk together in these preferred narratives which honor that no one is a passive recipient to trauma. Grateful!
HS
Jun 30, 2023
'Brokenness is not something to be hidden', however sorrow and suffering needn't be glorified either. Their onslaught shouldn't be RESISTED. Instead, they should be befriended because only true friendship helps you UNDERSTAND your friend. And without understanding your fragmentation and resultant suffering in its wake, one can not overcome or transcend it.
Faced with an inclement weather, plants struggle to survive which, in turn, enhances its stamina. The inclement weather of our life's crises help enhance our spirit's stamina helping us toward an Aha moment Nikole for one seems to have been blessed with.
May we all emerge from our respective dark nights of the soul and be blessed with a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel!
SS
Jun 30, 2023
Immediately I thought of a time I asked for a ride from Nashville, Tennessee to Atlanta, when I had been stranded. The two, young black men (one also stranded who had called a friend to drive him) looked at this older white woman, as if I was crazy, but consented. After an hour of silence, the passenger in front of me turned and asked, " you're not from here, are you? Upon hearing "no," he said, " I didn't think so. I couldn't imagine one white woman in all of Tennessee asking two black men for a ride." We began laughing a most exuberant, healing laugh. So much pain fueled that laugh but the joy and celebration of success gave more energy than the pain of racism. We knew only three people changed the world that day.
FR
Fran Jul 5, 2023
Thank you for sharing this story. It brought a smile to my face and heart this morning.
GU
Gururaj Jul 7, 2023
Ditto . Very uplifting.
MA
Jun 29, 2023
This reminds me of Leonard Cohen song - anthem. The lyrics - cracks is where light comes in.
Beautifully uplifting piece, helps with acceptance of what is and trusting that it can be transmuted. Laughter is indeed light!
TT
Tewodros Tessema Jul 3, 2023
I usually read you reflections .It's heart warming , soft but insightful.I have benefited a lot from these enriching pieces.
Blessings .
Teddy
From :-Ethiopia