An Ode To Low Expectations

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Hand-drawn art by Rupali Bhuva
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Una oda a las bajas expectativas
--por James Parker

Oh, allí estaba yo, mirando mi taza de té.
Era 1993. Estaba sentado frente a un plato de huevos en el New Piccadilly Café en Soho, Londres. Las cosas no iban bien. Como hombre, como persona, como unidad de la sociedad, apenas funcionaba. Lo que es más, estaba teniendo profundos ataques de pánico, en una era en la que la gente aún no decía "ataque de pánico". Solamente me dijeron ¡Santo Cielo! En lo que a mí respecta, me estaba volviendo loco.


Tomé un sorbo desesperado de mi taza, luego la volví a dejar. Mientras lo hacía, el lateral de mi mano tocó la mesa de formica y sentí el calor radiante de donde la taza había estado descansando un segundo antes. O, más exactamente, lo registré. A través de mi llovizna cerebral privada, la lluvia continua en mi cerebro que anulaba la alegría y que era mi realidad mental en ese momento, lo noté: energía, vida, moléculas moviéndose, el mundo. Un mensaje del fuego de la generosidad en el corazón del universo. Y el mensaje era este: un día, podrás simplemente apreciar lo que tienes frente a ti. El té, el café, Londres, la pequeña perspectiva del calor sobre la mesa. Un día, esto será suficiente.


Lucha por la excelencia, por todos los medios. Dios mío, por favor lucha por la excelencia. Solo la excelencia nos sacará de la bazofia. Pero baja el listón y mantenlo bajo cuando se trata de tu apego personal al mundo. ¿Gratificación? ¿Satisfacción? ¿Teniendo tus necesidades satisfechas? Oro de tontos. Si puedes obtener un zumbido de alegría animal del sándwich basura que estás comiendo, la película tonta que estás viendo, la persona difícil con la que estás hablando, estás en el negocio. Y cuando surjan problemas, estarás más preparado para ellos.


“La realidad es una B-más”, dice mi amigo Carlo. Yo, probablemente le daría una A-menos, pero entiendo su punto. “Allí vive la frescura más querida en el fondo de las cosas”, escribió Gerard Manley Hopkins. Pero allí también vive la más querida chapuza. Estamos a medio terminar aquí abajo, siempre construyendo y derrumbándonos, montando esto y aquello, martillos caídos y lonas ondeando por todas partes. Revisa tus expectativas a la baja. Extiende el perdón a tus amig@s idiotas; extiende el perdón a tu yo idiota. Conviértelo en una práctica. Ven a descansar en la realidad.


Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la noción de que la más querida frescura y la más querida chapuza viven en el fondo de las cosas? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de un momento en que pudiste revisar tus expectativas a la baja y extender el perdón a ti mismo y a l@s demás? ¿Qué te ayuda a descansar en la realidad?

James Parker es el autor de Encendido.
Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion that the dearest freshness and dearest shoddiness both live deep down things? Can you share a personal story of a time you were able to revise your expectations downward and extend forgiveness to yourself and others? What helps you rest in actuality?

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12 Past Reflections
MT
Marlys Tobias
Apr 4, 2025
May I be grateful in all ways--/that I'm still alive in this 89 year old body, and able to hear well, enjoy food that I can prepare myself, see well enough to go on walks with Molly, my walker, laugh, cry, hug and sometimes get a good night of sleep!
JO
Jocelyn
Jan 22, 2023
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EV
Eva
Jan 21, 2023
I am familiar with panic attacks and states of mind similar to the neurosis depicted in this writing. Lowering expectations in that state of mind can be consoling, perhaps. Not wanting much. Not expecting much. And therefore be satisfied with very little. But there is more to life than the drudgery of mundane existence. No one can really thrive on low expectations. We all need a lot, emotionally, to thrive. We need friends, intimacy, sense of closeness, someone to care for, and to be cared for back. We need LOVE. What it takes to have what we need is a lot. To develop friendships worth the name, and close relationships you can really rely on takes a lot of love GIVEN, a lot of energy, effort, dedication, investment of time and attention. Only giving a lot we have a chance for something truly fulfilling. It’s not about EXPECTING a lot back from someone in particular. And it’s not about tit for tat: I give this, so I can GET back. Giving itself is a reward. It grows your he... View full comment
BI
Jan 17, 2023
Daily 3-word gratitude entries do this for me. Many of them end up trivial or banal... and yet still meaningful. Before long, I've patterned to myself that the trivial and banal are legitimate sources of gratitude :)
LE
Leslie
Jan 17, 2023
We can both relate
AT
Athena
Jan 17, 2023
Sitting zazen does that for me
JP
Jan 14, 2023
I expect success or good results from what I do. The same way I expect success or good results from what others do. There are times when my expectations from me amd from others were not realized. When my expectations from me and from others were realized I felt happy and gratified. And when they were not realized I felt disappointed and unhappy.
What have I learned from my reflections on my satisfaction and dissatisfaction is to have realsitic expectations from me and from others. This is better than being bound by my expectations from me and from others. However, the best way is to do the best I can without expectations of any kind. To do what I can do without being attached to the expectations of my own actions or the expectations of other's actions. This way of living brings fulfillmemt, peace and happiness. It helps me to live in actuality and in freedom.
Namaste!
DD
Jan 14, 2023
I like this piece -- I think it comes from the author's deep self. It reminded me of hearing myself say one day that having friends is overrated, alongside my knowing that friends have been life saving. I have had times when someone's response triggered my barely functioning, and times that a table top triggered thriving. You never know. I take 'rest in actuality' to basically mean be present, "appreciate what's in front of you." What helps me rest in actuality is realizing that the present is really all there is, and knowing of no better way to be than to be present. All the rest is duplicitous adaptation. Lower your expectations, or better yet, get rid of your expectations and be present. Forgive others -- we participated in whatever we're not forgiving those others for -- and forgive yourself. Have more dearest freshness and less dearest shoddiness.
JO
jo Jan 19, 2023
Amen to this comment David! I am in your boat of thought! a
TE
Jan 14, 2023
Our body cannot breathe (or eat) "once and for all" without any further needs, so compassion for the regular inflow an outflow is the only fitting response that allows life to continue. So it is too with energy and enthusiasm for life or the lack thereof, only with compassion for those ups and downs (and for that finite and mortal part we easily mistake as "all of myself") does life continue. Our fear-driven ego may tempt us with "should" and "ought" and impossible goals, and then punish to "motivate" higher achievements. So we can afford compassion for that fearful limited ego as it is replaced by awakening Love (as in last week's passage).
JO
jo Jan 19, 2023
True! (Not OK are the … “shoulds” … “oughts”…”and impossible goals”). God motivates me by simple FAITH.
JO
jo Jan 19, 2023
Should … would … and perfection I try to eliminated from my thought. (My expectations, over time, have become unrealistic.) Too, since I am “reactive” (fear driven) by nature, I give special effort to be “PROACTIVE “ (God driven) in life. (No one …no thing… is above God. My “fear” of those around me is much diminished as I elevate God to the very highest place in my life.)