Be Silent Together , by Howard Thurman

“We do not know each other yet, we have not dared to be silent together.” What a priceless possession is the gift of speech! To be able to make sounds convey specific meanings and deliberate notions, to be able to put at the disposal of another the feelings that nestle within the inner life, to be able to reveal one’s self in symbols which make clear and do not betray—this is the miracle and the gift of the spoken word.

It is a small wonder that people tend to worship the sound of their voice and to give to it an authority greater than anything that remains when all words have been said. Silence is not trusted; it is subversive; it must be hidden. Fear of silence is the offering which we place upon the altar of words. This is in part due to the richness of the experience of speech, and we do not wish to let it escape from us lest we descend once again into the vast region where there are no words, where there is no speech.

It is important to remember that it is out of silence that all sounds come; it is in the stillness that the word is fashioned for the meaning it conveys. Here the sound without sounds can be most clearly heard and meanings out of which all values come can be plumbed. We cannot conceive what sort of person is she or he who has never been silent. We do not know each other yet...we have not yet dared to be silent together.

An Excerpt from The Inward Journey, pgs. (52-53)

Seed Questions for Reflection

How do you relate to the notion that silence is not merely an absence but the very ground from which words are "fashioned for the meaning they convey" - and what does it stir in you to consider that our fear of silence might be a kind of offering we make to keep ourselves from descending into that vast, wordless region within? Can you share a personal story of a moment when silence with another person - or even within yourself - opened something that no amount of speech could have reached? What helps you dare to be silent, whether alone or in the presence of someone you love, long enough to begin to truly know them?

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8 Past Reflections

Stoel

Oct 6, 2026

[interstices] Most of what I know Drips from my fingers Slowly, at first, like blood From a cut, then unexpected Darkening a spot of earth Coagulating, penance of a sort For excess, for the time I forget how special it is When I act like I didn’t Know, already, what I Knew before That oceans and a mountain and The road each point to an horizon I recognize me as the primitive Child in stiff clothes with a toy gun Not so much as the graduate In stiff clothes with a toy army 12 {interstices} cont... This is it with the darkening moon and the rolling thunder after the close pop of sunshine after the repeated repentance and the poly, poly, poly-rhythmic sinking and rising and sunken Again. the taste of poison so metallic, of chewed leather Again. the swiftness of water so enviable, of wonder laden You are the only one to get through Pulling at me through To nest in the interstices Of my heart To dream the Only dream tapping on the Inside, upside, dow... View full comment

David Doane, author of A Psychotherapist's View of Reality

Oct 6, 2026

I love that statement from Howard Thurman that "We do not know each other yet, we have not dared to be silent together." I believe strangers together are loud, acquaintances are quiet to moderate in volume, and lovers enjoy silence together. I believe silence is the ground from which speech arises, and we can use words to reveal or hide. We often use words due to fear to avoid the wordless region of silence and what it holds, including the intimacy and vulnerability it holds. I love when a minister or teacher tells those gathered to sit in silence and reflect for a few minutes. In silence, I ponder my experience and let it at least somewhat take hold before mixing or confusing or extinguishing it with what others say. What helps me be silent is having learned that by being silent I get to know me and the other differently and often better than by talking, especially shallow talking. Thomas Keating said "Silence is God's language; everything else is a poor translation," and I thi... View full comment

Rebecca

Oct 6, 2026

The most sublime of human experiences….to consciously experience love for another or to recognize that one is loved by another, takes place in silence and engages the soul.

Bhavani

Oct 6, 2026

To dare silence as a natural way of being feels like understanding everything is deeply ok..

Colette

Oct 6, 2026

Silence allows me to get deeper into my body, to feel grounded and stable through embodied awareness, to be more present in order to truly listen... "Be still and see"... Silence allows the sacredness of the world to emerge...

Kathy

Oct 6, 2026

In complete silence but for the chirping of birds out the window, I had a most extraordinary communication with my father as he lay across the room in his hospital bed at home. He was about a week away from death. In a wordless exchange, he somehow "told" me that all was well, that all was as it should be. I was left with an overwhelming sense of peace, of feeling his love, and of gratitude for him and for this opportunity to have commuted with him, in total silence.

Jagdish P Dave

Oct 1, 2026

I love reading a passage "Be Silent Together " authored by Howvard Thurman. There are many ways we communicate our thoughts, opinions, ideas, feelings and emotions. We need to be mentally silent, without mental noise so that we can clearly understand what the other person is saying. I remain mentally silent and fully present when I communicate with another person. When I keep on talking without necessary pause I lose my connection with that person. That kind of communication is like a oneway street. It causes headaches and heartaches and may result in causing breakups in relationships. I appreciate the heading of this article: Be Silent together. I myself need to be silent to hear my own voice. Words spoken can wound the mind and heart of the other person or can heal and enrich the other person's mind and heart. I am a teacher, a counselor a father, a grand father and a father-in-law. I have a network of enriching and fufilling relationships in my life. Such relationships give us many wonderful opportunites to cultivate and enrich our minds and hearts. It also positively impacts our intra personal and inter personal relationships. I have spent many yeras of my life relating to different kinds of people. Such relationships have enriched my life and I am very grateful to the people for taking care of me. In order to unerstand and emotionally enrich myself and offering my helping hands to others, I myself need to be silent and compassionate and express my ideas in a nonjudgemental and empathic way. How do I relate to myself and the people in my life is very important. Sadly walls of misunderstanding and hatred are built in many parts of the world. We need to take a stand and do whatever we can to build bridges of empathy, compassion, co0peration and kindness. We cannot be silent. We need to express our voice by doing the right things for us and for others. It is time to wake up, join hands with each other. Namaste. Jagdish P Dave PhD, Psy D Hide full comment

Kathy Oct 6, 2026

Namaste