Forgiveness, by Wayne Dyer

Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality, and it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness.

Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds. Forgiveness is a spiritual act of love for yourself and it sends a message to everyone, including yourself, that you are an object of love and that that is what you are going to impart.

This is the process of unbonding from old wounds and no longer hanging onto them as prized possessions. It means letting go of the language of blame and self-pity and no longer leading with one's wounds and injuries from the past. It means privately forgiving and not asking anyone else to understand. It means leaving behind the eye-for-an-eye attitude that only makes for more pain and the need for more revenge, and replacing it with an attitude of love and forgiveness. The spiritual literature available to us from all religious persuasions honors this way.

Feeling worthy is essential to being able to [stay rooted in what you most deeply value]. It is simply a matter of common sense. If you don't feel that you deserve something, why would the divine energy that is in all things send it your way? Thus, you must shift to knowing that you and the divine energy are one and the same, and that it is your ego that is conniving to keep you from knowing the power of this in your own life.

Wayne Dyer was an American self-help author and a motivational speaker.

Seed Questions for Reflection

What does forgiveness mean to you? Can you share a personal story of a time you let go of the language of blame and self-pity? What helps you choose love over hatred?

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Add Your Reflection

19 Past Reflections

Sher M

Jun 15, 2023

yes, u right it's a very good thing one thing is important this changes our behavior.

francis dacosta

Jun 14, 2023

"Dont let those emotions rent space in your head". A priest said this in a sermon and it stuck.

Bidyut Nath

Jun 14, 2023

For a very long time - my forgiveness was always with anger. A justification or a logical reason why the other person did what she did. Even now at times I fall in that trap. I am still learning to forgive with love & without any condition. Most of my anger in most times is directed towards me as I think I am responsible for my action. I agree and understand what is written in the article but this change will take time as we are rooted (me at least) in rational reasoning of forgiveness

Nithya

Jun 14, 2023

'Letting go of the notions of blame and self-pity', as harsh as it might sound, I like how the author reminds us of this. For forgiveness to exist, there must be some mental weighing scale, one that I manage and control. To imply I forgive is to decide the scale is unbalanced, slightly tilted, lifting my existence higher than the other. But can this really be? An act alone may be dharmic or adharmic. But the doer and experiencer come from the same source. I tell myself, I am mistaken to think I am somewhat greater if I experience adharma and with this belief, I hold myself to never blame. But I do take self-pity on occasion, which is silly. Pity holds me to the past; it makes what happened continue to live on and impinge upon my current experience. How is that helpful? I want to live now. So why make room for the experience to live on? Why self-pity, I remind myself, ever so often. In the vedic/sanskrit culture, the word kshama is used to speak of the quality of forgiveness.... View full comment

Viren Shah

Jun 13, 2023

Once episode having bad taste happens, one can not forget for ever and it can not be erased.

If it still remains in the memory, it can not be forgiven, because it can be evoked any point of time.

When one forgives others then he places himself at higher plane, creating and making the other inferior to him.

The best thing is to reconcile truly with what had happened.

Sheela naik

Jun 13, 2023

Always to choose love over hatred -- but sometimes that takes a little time to find its footing. When I remembered the abuse that my niece went through -- I had to think long and hard: expose the abuser or leave them. Over time, my niece married into nice family where she is happy, now with two daughters. But it took time and skilfulness.

Tom Dietvorst

Jun 13, 2023

Just now I was feeling overwhelmed. Here it is 7pm at night and I haven't emptied my Inbox yet. I've got projects coming out of the kazoo! I'm irritated at my spouse - she is irritating me. Hold on! Forgiveness. Forgiveness. Forgiveness. Self-compassion for being overwhelmed. Curiosity as to whether "my spouse irritating me" is projection. And if she is irritating me why not "try some tenderness?" Thanks Awakin!!! Thanks again Wayne!!!

Marie

Jun 13, 2023

Forgiveness and the recognition of eternal love. We are vessels of that love. In forgiveness, eternal love is an expression bestowed upon the one who is being forgiven. May the gift be received and adopted as a blessing to carry forward in their own life (lives). Forgiveness is the only way for me to move forward and contribute my own way of life, fully embraced as an expression of eternal love as “One.”

Bette

Jun 13, 2023

Todays reading was shocking to me, because I was faced with the fact that I have not completely forgiven the father of my children’s unfaithfulness. It ended in divorce. It happened when I was 50 and I am 89. I admire the woman I have become, and I wish him well. I forgave the first time, but learning it had continue with others was devastating. However the week before our court date I asked for us to work things out. He said No. He had two women who were waiting for him. I have forgiven myself, but the memories of this still make me sad.

Shyam

Jun 13, 2023

Forgiveness, although such an easy and good thing to do , is seldom done from the heart. We may choose to ignore the wrong act and move on, but forgiving someone from the heart , is rarely done.
The pain and the feeling of hatred remains stored within.
Its a challenge to throw out the feelings of hatred in even very simple wrongdoings.
Have learnt that the outer reflects the inner, but if in the inner we have hatred stored, how will be able to emit love . We can only give out what we have , and for us to radiate love ,we must be full of this love and one of the ways of doing that is to adopt forgiveness for any small or major injustices we may have suffered.

Naveen

Jun 12, 2023

When I have forgiven I have become free and lighter. Sometimes I have tried to forgive as a practice but deep inside the hurt remains which keeps on appearing again and again. But then slowly it starts to melt away and there's genuine forgiveness from deep inside. Sometimes the most difficult forgiveness is for myself and my actions. At that time I try to detach myself from myself almost looking at myself as another person and then it's easier to o forgive.

David Doane

Jun 11, 2023

Forgiveness means to me to let go of the hurt and anger I feel in relation to someone and to give forth of myself with care from love. A business boss cheated me out of a fair amount of money many years ago. I let go of the language of blame and self-pity long ago and fairly easily since that isn't my thinking or language, but letting go of the hurt and anger toward that man was very difficult. I have let go of most of it. I never see the man and haven't in a long time. If I ran into him, some ill feeling would probably rise up in me, so I'd probably see that I still hold onto some of it and haven't forgiven 100%. I don't hate him and I don't hate anyone. When I choose love over strong dislike it is by reminding myself that we are one, we are expressions of the same Oneness, and that there is some truth in the other for me to learn from.

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Mónica

Jun 9, 2023

Forgiveness is a spiritual act for yourself… knowing this power is in your life! Profound!

Jagdish P Dave

Jun 9, 2023

As a child and as an adult I have heard many times the wise statement "To err is human, to gorgive is divine." I see the value of forgiving others in all dimensions of my perosnal well-being:physical, mental, the emotional, interpersonal, and spiritual. To me, forgiveness is letting of judgemental attitude that comes in the way of being a healthy and happy person. It menas letting go of hard and judgemental thoughts, feelings and actions. I call it puification of my internal demerits and making my consciousness free from the past hangovers. Lack of forgiveness hurts both persons in relationships. Blame game and self-pity game drians my energy and comes in the attainment of the well-being of myself and of others in my life. I know an important person in our extended family who has been holding her grudges from a couple of past events. I woild like to clear up heavy clouds of misunderstandings and ask her forgiveness for causing grief in her life. She has been holding on to the wall ... View full comment

Chelsea Woods

Jun 9, 2023

I am currently trapped in a web of hurt I experience from one person. I can see my word 'trapped' as a language of self-pity, but I can't let go of the feeling. This person has been in my life from birth, and while they have had many positive influences on my life, they also subtly sabotage me every chance they get. I am afraid to / wise enough not to allow this person in my life, and yet my body is riddled with memories of them that continue to prevent the flow of love and instead generate pockets of fear, defensiveness, and danger. I am working with a therapist to let these feelings go, and I haven't made any progress except to be more aware of the extent to which this person's poison is thriving in me. I can forgive them logically, I know that we are all doing the best that we can, but I cannot let go of my fear, which means that I have not actually forgiven them. I have many others that I have forgiven, but I am stuck on this one, and I know that it is detrimental to my well bein... View full comment

Shaila Menezes Jun 12, 2023

Dear Chelsea , Sending you loving energies and courage to keep making progress . Everyday.

David Doane Jun 13, 2023

Since you welcome advice -- I commend you for doing that -- my advice is: Don't say can't. Can't is false. You can let go of feeling hurt and fear and whatever, and you haven't or don't know how to or aren't ready to yet. Those feelings are probably wrapped up in experiences from very long ago that affected you deeply so are very hard to let go of, but you can.

Shyam Jun 13, 2023

Dear Chelsea, sending you love and positive energies. Wayne Dyer ,says in the last para, that we have to remember the divinity within us. By forgiving the wrong doings, from the inner part of us, we not only free ourselves of the memories, we also fill up hearts with love , for ourselves, as well as the other.

Chelsea Jun 13, 2023

Thank you for your advice and support Shyam, David, and Shaila! Much love to you all!