How Much Silence Is Too Much?

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Hand-drawn art by Rupali Bhuva
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Ours is a noisy country. We’ve been rebellious, insolent shouters since the beginning. We invent freak shows and circuses and casinos. Talk too loud. Our public spaces honk and whistle at us. We believe ourselves stars just awaiting a stage. We’re a people, Walt Whitman crooned, “singing, with open mouths,” our “strong melodious songs.” We chew with open mouths, too — we’re without pretense or much regard for personal space. Our latest, greatest gift to the world is a computer for your pocket that chatters at you all day long. And then there’s the past two years: political and technological churn, offense and outrage. Noise incarnate.

As much as anyone else, I fantasize about checking out. I would love to remove the pinging notifications from my days, for my mind to wander without being thrown askew by each incoming tweet. But visions of total unplugging also seem a bit grotesque. Even if we can still shut our eyes and cover our ears, become details of the landscape, should we? Is it morally acceptable at this moment? 
How much silence is too much? 

Thomas Merton, the Trappist monk who was among the most influential Catholic thinkers of the 20th century, pondered this question intently. What drew him to the Abbey of Gethsemani in Kentucky was the opportunity for a life of quiet contemplation. His greatest fantasy, he wrote, was “to deliver oneself up, to hand oneself over, entrust oneself completely to the silence of a wide landscape of woods and hills, or sea, or desert; to sit still while the sun comes up over that land and fills its silences with light.”

When his popularity as an author made it more difficult to achieve solitude, he retreated even further, living for long stretches by himself in a toolshed in the hills of the monastery grounds. But the world intruded, particularly in the 1950s and ’60s, as the Cold War ramped up and a nuclear standoff seemed imminent. He began to wonder whether the life he had constructed for himself, so sustaining to his soul, justified the disengagement.

Merton did not want to contribute to what he repeatedly called the “noise” of society, but he also knew it wasn’t right to ignore his own stake in the world’s problems. What he sought instead was a “genuine and deep communication,” one achieved, he insisted, only through a continuous recharging in silence. The very element that might seem to make us bad citizens or antisocial is at the same time a prerequisite for thoughtfulness and more profound connection with others. Since most of us can’t yo-yo in and out of solitude (despite the meditation apps that promise to help us do just that), we have to live with this paradox.

Seed Questions for Reflection

What does a genuine and deep communication mean to you? Can you share a personal story of a time you communicated after recharging in silence? What helps you reconcile seeking solitude with avoiding the trap of disengagement?

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Add Your Reflection

21 Past Reflections
JA
Mar 29, 2023
What helps me reconcile seeking solitude with avoiding the trap of disengagement is my inner spiritual connection.
And yes, I’m reminded to go ‘out there’ and do something with that spiritual connection.
🤣
J
SM
Sr Marilyn Lacey
Mar 29, 2023
I started reading Merton when I was in high school. He personified the insight written by St Teresa of Avila centuries ago: "Whoever reaches the innermost room of the interior castle will find himself (sic) out on the street again." Inner transformation must move outward. Authentic spirituality is ultimately a catapult, not a cocoon!
GR
Grace
Mar 29, 2023
As a "certifiable "extrovert " I crave interaction with people. I do also crave silence to recharge by taking much needed times and places of silence . SILENCE A NEEDED ELEMENT FOR MY sanity and well-being!
RC
Robert Currie
Mar 29, 2023
Lacking the entire article, it's difficult to comment with any sort of authenticity. I do hope the author is not confusing his fantasizing about "checking out" is equivalent to what Merton was doing at the Abbey of Gethsemani. It is wise to balance contemplation and action. The imbalance in our country is clearly an unwillingness to find time for silence amidst all the noise. Though the article ends with a conclusion, the thought remains pretty incomplete.
CR
Mar 29, 2023
I wish Gal had taken this idea even further. What happens when we are silent when we should have spoken up—in the face of injustice? What does this kind of silence perpetuate? I believe Thomas Merton explores that issue in more depth.
NO
Dec 18, 2022
My own kind of silence is usually a way of living like a hermit, because I have obsessive compulsive disorder that drive people, including my family, to run away from me! After the passing of such a long time of isolation & loneliness, I usually engage in deep philosophical conversations with the ones I love, but OCD conflict again tears us apart! Sometimes though, I keep following the news in the world, because I'm much weary about injustice, conflicts, & wars in the world, because international powers invade & plant a lot of civil strife in the Middle East - where I come from.
VI
Dec 15, 2022
I can so relate to Ade’s post in many ways, and in fact, literally had the same parallel, in that I was on an Amtrak bus a few days ago to surprise, my 94 and 91-year-old parents. I generally see them every couple of weeks because my dad is on hospice and my mom is getting very weak. The struggle of isolation and withdrawal in my head is because I am on the edge of leaving a very long marriage due to verbal abuse and narcissism, and having lost my sense of self through it all. Jumping into the unknown and beginning again, is a fearful terror unless I reframe it as an adventure. But coming back to my bus trip…when I arrived, the caregiver answered the door, and it was a warm welcoming with a smile and no eggshells to step on. I was “received“ as I am, and as I was with no need for explanation, or to defend myself for simply being. It felt good being in that moment of an act of love for family, because that’s what I wanted to do. I, too, have those pleading moments in the dark ... View full comment
JD
Dec 15, 2022
Once we see that we are not this ego "I" we've believed ourselves it be, everything flows naturally - in and out from the silence that is always here...
TA
Tamara
Dec 13, 2022
These days I have much time to recharge in silence, as I live alone with my small dog. Recently I travelled for ten days in the company of others - first a dear friend, then with my daughter. There was much more human interaction than my day to day life and I loved it all. Then came home to my quiet little house and recharged. I think it is a fine line to walk, between silence and disengagememt from the world. For me it involves curating what I let into my life via reading, video and other experiences and it's a balancing act. I think it is possible to live in engaged silence, for periods of time. Without this, I find the world overwhelming.
CA
Carol
Dec 13, 2022
The movie "Pig" with Nicolas Cage is relevant. The main character has been a hermit for a decade. Yet, to solve a the theft of his porcine companion, he pulls wisdom from within to find a resolution and, by the way, help a broken family face its secrets. He has not lost the ability to connect in that decade.
MB
Dec 13, 2022
Vietnamese monks doused themselves in gasoline and set themselves on fire to protest the Vietnam War. Ghandi and ML King demonstrated the power of non-violent protest. Engaged Buddhism brings the contemplative path to bear on social conditions. Activity that is informed by deep silence can change the world.
MN
Dec 13, 2022
I have been wondering about the gift of cold weather and hibernation, going within seems like an obvious answer. Yet I need to be in the world too. So how can I live with this paradox! Yesterday I found myself with my hands on the trunk of an old majestic oak tree, asking it to teach me how to go within and be in the world at this time of the year. To me paradox is an opening for light to come through. The intelligence to move between polarities is inbuilt in us, we do this all the time with our breath, inhaling and exhaling, moving between the inner and outer....
AD
Dec 13, 2022
Not so long ago, I had to escape, withdraw, retreat from the "noise" of society. A dark, cold, rainy morning before daybreak I was on bended knees, begging, pleading, crying out to God, Creator, Spirit (and possibly any entity that would hear my prayers) to caste out the "noise" in my head. On bended knees, with tears flowing, and my nose dripping, I begged release from the ongoing, seemingly never ending anxiety of the noise in my head, the worry about everything that had developed over a period of 10 years. Every morning, every day, all day the "noise" of anxiety bound my heart, mind and soul to agony. No relief, that dark, cold, rainy morning before daybreak, I found myself on my knees pleading, begging, crying for silence, for solitude, for peace of mind. Then in an instance, a voice, and a gush, a guidance urged me to "Go home" to my ancestral home; to the little "nowhere" town of my mother's house. Interestingly, the last place on earth I would want to go to find silenc... View full comment
DD
David Doane Dec 13, 2022
That's quite a thing that you took that nine hour bus ride back home -- I'm impressed. I think we grow in the back and forth, the going home and the coming back to now.
CK
charanjit kaur
Dec 12, 2022
Yes, of course, we live in a noisy world. We have to learn happiness of silence/low voice.
Dec 12, 2022
Agreed
MA
Dec 12, 2022
How exploring balance? Yes, understanding one's relationship with balance may invite us into experimentation of the extremes. It's very different if extremes are explored for the extremes' case or in our search for balance. While we also remember that balance is an individualized and moment-by-moment experience. Just like Thomas Merton's example shows, at times, our optimal response is reclusion and other times it's being in the middle of it all. Neither is good or bad in its own right. What most matters is personal alignment in the moment.
DD
Dec 10, 2022
Total unplugging seems extreme. A balance of unplugging and plugging seems healthy and satisfying. I don't think unplugging is a prerequisite for profound connection, but I think it can be a help. Genuine and deep communication means to me communication that is genuinely caring, honest, open, respectful, and personal, which communication is also intimate. I engaged in some of such communication just this morning which happened to be after a time of silence and reflection. For me, genuine and deep communication is recharging, just as genuine and deep solitude is. Surface communication is unfulfilling and boring, just as surface silence is. I can disengage from myself and others when in solitude or with others. I avoid the trap of disengagement when I maintain genuine and deep communication with myself when alone and with myself and others when with others. Accomplishing either can be a challenge.
JP
Dec 9, 2022
I always value a balance between talking and remaing silent; a balance between open mouth and closed mouth. I apply this principle in my communication with people in my dail life. When I do not have such balance, my communication with people becomes shallow, superficial, and inauthentic. In order to have a deep and authentic communication, we need to learn to listen attentively, to be silent to process our ideas, thoughts and feelings. Between stimulus and resonse, there is a gap and in that gap of silence, deep and genuine communication is born. Silence, reflecion and empathic unnderstanding are the core ingrediants of deep and genuine communication. I have learned to create dynamic balance between talking and maintainig alive silence. In my couple counseling sessions, I teach this balance and I see how this practice helps the couple to be engaged with each other in deep and meaninful ways. When and why seeking sloitude is very important. The purpose of seeking solitude is not... View full comment
EN
Elaine noonan Dec 17, 2022
I posted a reply as well and read your reply with deep attention . Yes balance and self recharging is essential . I see many retreating to video games, constant motion ( including myself at times) as their escape from other mental noise and stress . Going from one noise to another does not help the prior.
TE
Dec 9, 2022
Hating some (or even all) sounds while perhaps liking others, or thinking "too much sound", or "too much silence" are all expressions of my finite ego, shaped by past causes and conditions (including my heredity and karma). Awareness and meditation allow finding right hearing, just as right thought and right action, exactly fitting in each moment of now. There is no distraction nor need to escape in that. And True empty silence is not lessened by any sounds that may take place within it, while hearing is always in the ear of the listener.