My emotional pain. Sometimes it might be a dull ache in my heart, other times sharp pangs, and sometimes big swells and waves, and whenever I feel it, it sparks me fully into aliveness. I've felt this pain as far back as I can remember I'm thinking, as an example, of being five years old and breaking down in tears on my hands and knees before a dead, shriveled worm I'd come across on the sidewalk, grieving the fact that people had built this hot cement structure without considering that it would become an oven for insects. But around the time I went into the mental health system and during all my years there, I was taught that this pain was a sign that something was wrong with me and so I began to fear it and desperately seek out ways to get rid of it. Today, I embrace it, treat it with deep respect, and listen to its messages as best I can, for I understand it as a manifestation of my sensitivities and the intimate connections I feel to what's happening around me in the world.
The inner capacity that we all have as human beings to grow, change, and even profoundly transform ourselves at every level of our being -- physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
During the period of time in which I came off psychiatric drugs and began to make my way out of the mental health system, my aunt and uncle opened up their home to me for eleven months. I was going to a nearby psychiatric hospital during the day and was really strugglingsometimes, I'd be curled up for six hours straight, staring at the wall; I think I left a permanent indent on their sofa!yet they allowed me to be exactly as I was without needing me to be someone else or to change in any way. When I needed support, they were there for me, as was my immediate family, too, but more than that, what they really did was hold space for me so that I could find my own path through what I was experiencing and slowly reconnect with myself in my own way and on my own time. What a sacred gift! I will never forget their kindness and generosity. I am quite sure I wouldn't have made it out alive were it not for them and for the rest of my family.
The chance to sit in a room with many of the mental health professionals from my past, and make sense, together, of what happened between us.
Understanding emotional pain as a meaningful response to what's happening to us and around us -- rather than as a “symptom†of “mental illness†-- transforms it into a catalyst for cultivating social, economic, environmental, and political change.