I know men who have spent 20 years in solitary confinement who've suffered unspeakable abuses, their lights are so bright it is impossible not to see them.I know wo/men who have everything and suffer from debilitating depression.I often wonder what causes one person to feel darkness and another to thrive?If I knew the answer, I'd be enlightened.Until then, I am aware that every choice I make either puts me on a cycle of awakening or on a harmful spiral. I know about ping ponging between both spirals:I have lived the downward trajectory. I do not think it's my place to figure out why someone chooses light or feels darkness, but to support people with love, compassion and non-judgment in every choice they make on their path to freedom.Sitting in circles in prison in extreme suffering, I am present to the moments when people wrestle deeply with their spirals and choose the light.It's a transcending experience to bear witness to the whole processthe ugly, the painful and the joyful.
My daughter was born ten years ago. Her birth changed my life. Before she was born I was a bit of a nihilist. I had trouble believing that anything mattered. Spirituality was buried within me but not accessible due to early childhood experiences. Sexual abuse by the hands of a caretaker led me into deep fear. As a small child it was impossible for me to differentiate between my true nature and the terror that engulfed me. Unable to understand my strong emotions, I physically and spiritually locked myself in the bathroom throughout childhood and adolescence.Sanam was born on April 24, 2006. The first time I saw her I realized that she mattered, and if she mattered then everything mattered: the gurney, the sheets beneath my skin, the tiles on the floor, all of it. In a split second I went from de-constructing everything into nothingness to seeing the interrelated nature of reality. In her birth, the bathroom doors unlocked and I found access to the spiritual world inside of me.
When I was 23 I had an unfortunate situation that landed me in a hospital for 10 days. I was in India and had a studio at the art college at M.S. University of Baroda. When she heard the news, Priya, a fellow studio-mate, brought me to the hospital every morning and home every night and stayed with me at the hospital. For ten days she nurtured my body and spirit back to health, for another two weeks I lived at her house: she covered me when I was cold and made me sit up to eat because I needed to get stronger. Priya's extreme generosity for a woman she had only met nine months prior was something I'll never forget.
Spending longer periods of time in India :)
What kind of world could we co-create if we lead with love, compassion and non-judgment?