Why Do We Shout In Anger?
A saint who was once visiting a river to take a bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked.
'Why do people in anger shout at each other?'
The disciples thought for a while, then one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'
'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner,' asked the saint.
The disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained,
'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they need not even whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
He looked at his disciples and said,
'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.'
What do you make of the relation between the intensity of communication and the closeness of hearts? When we find ourselves in a situation where we are either shouting or being shouted at, how might we transform the situation and bridge the distance that has developed? Can you share a personal experience that illustrates the bridging of this distance?
we shout when we don't feel heard. The louder one voice gets, the louder the responder must become to be heard; and the snowball of getting louder, the justification of not being heard lets one's voice continue to get louder in an effort to speak over the "unheardness" of the other. Once the snowball effect begins, stopping it becomes a bigger challenge then those feeling unheard can practice, while still trying with all their might to yell louder, forcing the other to become a listener and to hear. A peaceful heart, the practice of listening wholly is the only way to stop the yelling. One committed listener can quiet the yelling, if they so choose.
I know of someone who screams and shouts because all he wants is control. He rarely ever makes requests, instead he barks orders at everyone. He is an asshole. That is why I moved out of there.
This is a quote by Meher Baba. A silent Indian guru. I thought this might sheds a new light on the story because it also refers to why he kept silence for the 40 years leading up to his death.
I greatly appreciate the insight of this story.
I also believe that we shout when we are angry so that we will not have to hear what the other has to say. In love we only need to whisper because the other in listening intently. Our anger at others can come from fear, our fear of the perspective / the paradigm that the other is offering as we see it as threatening to our own. We then distance ourselves and strive to make the other wrong, bad or even evil rather than honouring the other and deeply listening to understand. We hold the other responsible for our unpleasant feelings and blame them instead of taking responsibility ourselves for the quality of our inner space.
I have found that shouting while in anger has also caused the distance between two people to become greater over time and in my case that distance grew to the point where we were no longer able to find that path back to each other as was stated, and it ended in divorce. Twice !!! In listening to this I have discovered that within myself, in whatever relationship I was in at the time, I had a silent distance from the other person and it was that dissatisfaction, that emptiness that was at the root of the distance I felt when angered in any situation with the other person and as it was said, manifested itself in shouting when angered. Find what causes your hidden distance, Disappointment, broken or realized dreams, unresolved issues, Unsatisfied with your life in general. These are the silent killers that will cause the anger and eventual separation and destruction of your relationships.
In anger we think that the other fellow is not giving proper attention to my views and as such not understanding meaning of my talk or he is pretending to not listening me properly and is not understanding true sense of my words. With each word they flare up instead of understanding each other and exchange their thoughts.
Yes, it is energy. Nothing can happen without the play of energy. It is, however, necessary to understand it and to develop the necessary skills to be able to use it creatively. This is true about the energy of love as it is about the energy of anger. For example a laser in the hands of a skilled ophthalmologist is used for a delicate cataract operation. In the hands of a novice it will cause blindness. Electrical current at 110 volts is of immense use but at 440 volts can be lethal. There is a lot that we need to learn about the use of our power. As a first step we need to clear the slate (our mind) of all the hear say and the mumbo jumbo about being human and civilized and cultured and so on.
The question, "Why do we shout in anger ... ?" I think this insightful essay says it all. I can not add to it. Wow!
Another point to consider: we yell in anger only to those we are close to. If the anger-triggering agent is a person we don't know or care much about then we may try and express ourselves or we may try to rectify the situation, but we almost never will yell at strangers.
Also, maybe that anger builds up?
Why we shout in anger?
Anger is generated when one's ego is hurt in one way or the other. 'How can he/she do this to me?' where 'ME' is quite quite BIG. When my ego is hurt I feel it necessary to raise my voice to satisfy my ego and to let the other person 'Who am I?' it is my weakness that makes me shout.
People also shout because it brings a one-pointed mental state, but that could be about anything not necessarily when talking to another.
It is stheartling , isn't it, how organically connected we are, one to another?
when I shout, I am in pain. I'm not being heard. You are twisting my words. I'm trying to get you to hear me, but you are blocked. Maybe I am too.
Dear Pratibhaben,
Greetings of Peace!
Kindly send a mail on pdtalathi@yahoo.com
Diffculty to write & communicate. I am trying for past 2 Hrs.
Abt me I move many countries and offer my service (seva) Different courses & meditatiomn.
egards
Its good as a lesson but totally wrong. Why do dogs bark? Isn't it strange to separate us from animals? Its a typical stage of disagreement 9in human ) or insecurity ( in animals ) ; its just an alarm to show the other side that it must close mouth before me..or I should update to next stage of attack..
sometimes a long silence is more distancing that a horrific shout.
The first problem in this story is that the 'saint' hasn't comprehended the reality few comprehend- which is that when your anger is triggered- it's YOUR anger- even if it seems to have been triggered by an outside source. Humans don't get this as they're too busy trying to blame the 'other' for triggering their own anger about something. But when OUR anger is triggered, we humans have been programmed to repress this emotion- to our own detriment. So while moving it in the context of relationship is what happens most often- not moving it is more harmful. Until our society comes to understand the clearing and healing power associated with having all of our emotions- at the volume we're experiencing them- and then moving them and releasing them- we will continue to exist in a dysfunctional emotional universe.
Thank you.... i needed to read this today.
This is to Will: I work in a school with no walls. Having just under 700 children learning in a relatively small space, with book cases and movable partitions (for coat hooks/supplies) dividing the classroom spaces. The teachers, to get the attention of their class, do the opposite. With stillness and low volume, the teachers draw the kids eyes and ears. It's an art . . . It's a way . . . It commands respect. Very Christ-like.
Have a fabulous day!
Anger is also a sign of weakness! Whatever we have to say can be said softly too. Many people think to be angry, shout , yell etc shows their power but it is sad that they have no clue it is a sign of their weakness rather than their strength or power!!!
I believe the physical pressure that builds from an emotional reaction causes one to get it out ASAP and in any way. It's so emotionally based that there is no logic or reason behind it. It's actually vary organic in nature and in this society a vary vulnerable experience towards healing.
Sweet story. Perhaps now the saint will give instructions on how to deal with the anger? Yelling at someone in anger makes things worse, can lead to physical violence, but so does repressing/suppressing it and "forgiving" too quickly, which can lead to psychosomatic illness. What to do? Anger is inevitable in life and is not "bad". Neither is sadness. These two emotions can heal if worked with appropriately. For instance, expressing the anger-in private- by hitting a punching bag and yelling, in order to release and reduce the energy of anger, or having a good cry to express sadness. There is a 99 cent kindle book available at Amazon which I found most helpful: "Anger Work--How to Express Your Anger and Still Be Kind". I'm not a shill--genuinely grateful for this wonderful book--only wish it was available in print so it could be more easily shared.
The story is good.people quite often shout when they are angry.Shouting loudly will reduce their anger a little.Suppressing the anger may lead to some other complications later.But one should learn to control the anger by practicing meditation and yoga.
Maybe people who don't think they are being heard raise their volume hoping that will get attention and a hearing?
so much to think about in this simple but profound teaching .... I don't think I will ever forget the analogy between closeness of hearts and volume of voice where anger is concerned ... thank you!
a nice piece of wisdom, we should keep in mind the next time we raise our voice
Beautiful teaching! Smiles and Bows :)
Well shouting sometimes seems to give more emphasis, but does it? Sometimes not. Different strokes work for different folks, so goes the saying.
