A Key To End Sorrow

J. Krishnamurti

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Awakin FeatureThe demand to be safe in a relationship inevitably breeds sorrow and fear. The seeking for security invites insecurity. Have you ever found security in any of your relationships? Have you? Most of us want the security of loving and being loved, but where is love when each one of us is seeking his own security, his own particular path? We are not loved because we don’t know how to love.

In relationships, too often what we say is, "As long as you belong to me I love you, but the moment you don’t I begin to hate you. As long as I can rely on you to satisfy my demands, sexual and otherwise, I love you. But the moment you cease to supply what I want, I don’t like you." If you depend on another for all your pleasure, you are a slave to that person. So when one loves, there must be freedom, not only from another but from oneself.

This belonging to another, being psychologically nourished by another, depending on another- in all this there must always be anxiety, fear, guilt, and jealousy, and so long as there is fear there can be no love; a mind ridden with sorrow will never know what love is; sentimentality and emotionalism have nothing whatsoever to do with love. And so love is not to do with pleasure and desire. Love is not the product of thought which is the past. Thought cannot possibly cultivate love. Love is always active present. If you know love, you will not follow anybody. Love does not obey. When you love there is neither respect nor disrespect. Do you know what it means to love somebody- to love without hate, jealousy, fear, anger, or wanting to interfere with what one is doing or thinking, without condemning or comparing?

Does love have responsibility and duty, and will it use these words? When you do something out of duty is there any love in it? In duty, there is no love. The structure of duty in which we are all caught eventually destroys us. So long as you are compelled to do something because it is your duty, you don’t love what you are doing. When there is love, there is no duty and no responsibility.

Have you ever cried for another? If you cry out of self-pity, your tears have no meaning because you are only concerned about yourself. If you cry because you are bereft of someone in whom you have invested a great deal of affection, it was not really affection. Sorrow is self-created, sorrow is created by thought, sorrow is the outcome of time.

You can see all this happening inside yourself if you really watch it. You can see it fully, completely, in one glance, not to take analytical time over it. You can see in a moment the whole structure and nature of this shoddy little thing called ‘me’. My tears, my family, my nation, my belief, my religion- all that ugliness, it’s all inside you. When you see it with your heart, not with your mind, when you see it from the very bottom of your heart, then you have the key that will end sorrow.

by J. Krishnamurti, excerpted from here

Seed questions for reflection: How do you relate to the notion that when one loves, there must be freedom from another and also from oneself? Can you share a personal experience of a time you felt love without hate, jealousy, fear, anger, condemnation, comparison or wanting to interfere? What helps you see the ugliness inside from the very bottom of your heart?

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6 Previous Reflections:

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    On Apr 17, 2019 Sandip Sheta wrote:
    Selfless acts are a source of profound meaning for your self and your life.

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    On Apr 16, 2019 Queen Bee wrote:
    While I agree with the basic context of what you're describing, loving another person if the relationship is physical could lead to the end of your life or cause an incurable disease if someone has an extra physical relationship. The duty we all have is not to bring harm to anyone but especially not someone who cares for us. We have a duty to be honest with ourselves and others and while that may be uncomfortable and not very fun, it's the rule of treat others how you want to be treated. Why is it bad to expect someone to keep their end of an agreement? We give love and want love and the right thing to do is remove yourself if you can't commit to someone who loves you. For love to exist there must be mutual trust and without trust there is no love because self protection should be instinctive. So find someone who shares your values because we can love more than one in our lifetime once we get passed the hurt and disappointment of someone who doesn't value themselves eno... [View Full Comment] While I agree with the basic context of what you're describing, loving another person if the relationship is physical could lead to the end of your life or cause an incurable disease if someone has an extra physical relationship. The duty we all have is not to bring harm to anyone but especially not someone who cares for us. We have a duty to be honest with ourselves and others and while that may be uncomfortable and not very fun, it's the rule of treat others how you want to be treated. Why is it bad to expect someone to keep their end of an agreement? We give love and want love and the right thing to do is remove yourself if you can't commit to someone who loves you. For love to exist there must be mutual trust and without trust there is no love because self protection should be instinctive. So find someone who shares your values because we can love more than one in our lifetime once we get passed the hurt and disappointment of someone who doesn't value themselves enough to do the right thing.[Hide Full Comment]

    1 reply: Merv | Post Your Reply
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    On Apr 13, 2019 david Doane wrote:
    The notion that when you love, there must be freedom from another and also from oneself is right on. It means when you love you still maintain your independence and freedom, you are still you, you are not dependent or manipulative, not goal directed, and are simply true to yourself. I have had periods of love without hate, jealousy, fear, anger, condemnation, comparison or wanting to interfere, and have had some periods of love when one of those feelings occurs and can be part of love if I own it and express it as what I am experiencing in that moment and continue to be me, not try to change or control or do anything to myself or the other. What helps me see what is called the ugliness inside is being open and true to myself, trusting my experience, trusting the process, trusting truth, not getting hooked on some agenda, and continuing to honestly be me. I do that at times -- practice helps,.

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    On Apr 12, 2019 Jagdish P Dave wrote:
    Love cannot be bound by any conditions or demands. Such conditions or expectations cause ugliness in our heart. Freedom is selfless love-free from the bondage of our own selfish desires and expectations and freedom from the bondage of other's selfish desires and expectations. I experience such a gift of unconditional love in my everyday life with people close to me. I extend my helping hand and reach out to serve them and they do the same thing for me. There is no demand, no expectation, no condition, no anger, no fear, no anxiety. Such experience nourishes both, the giver and the receiver. When I watch a bubble of of anger, fear or anxiety arising in me, I become aware of its hold on me. I mindfully process such emotionsand release them. I become free from my self-created bondage which creates deep joy and bliss in me.
    Namaste!
    Jagdish P Dave


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    On Apr 11, 2019 sheetal wrote:
    Love, the most potent, required, given, taken, shared, element/feeling/emotion/state that every living being aspires to dwell in. Carefully observed, the whole world and all stories that everyone has somewhere has "love" as the foundation to it..whether the narrative begins with "i am not loved" or "i feel totally loved". The passage tries to show us movement from first narrative to the second. In one of my relationships, i struggled for 4 years with the first narrative, i would do something to be loved in return or i would demand love in return to all i was giving? Or to fulfill the call of duty towards love i would act. The person who i am connected with did not show much appreciation, gratitude or concern to any of these behaviors of mine. I was heartbroken and irritated at this insensitivity and wanted to break up. But God is kind and always shows the way, i just took to silence from everything. I did not break up but went into a zone of careful self i... [View Full Comment] Love, the most potent, required, given, taken, shared, element/feeling/emotion/state that every living being aspires to dwell in. Carefully observed, the whole world and all stories that everyone has somewhere has "love" as the foundation to it..whether the narrative begins with "i am not loved" or "i feel totally loved". The passage tries to show us movement from first narrative to the second. In one of my relationships, i struggled for 4 years with the first narrative, i would do something to be loved in return or i would demand love in return to all i was giving? Or to fulfill the call of duty towards love i would act. The person who i am connected with did not show much appreciation, gratitude or concern to any of these behaviors of mine. I was heartbroken and irritated at this insensitivity and wanted to break up. But God is kind and always shows the way, i just took to silence from everything. I did not break up but went into a zone of careful self inquiry to identify dramas. I refrained from any urges to act out of "love" i refrained from any arguments to get to an ideal framework of "true love". To keep away from acting on urges of "doing", "saying" something i would just pray for the highest to prevail. A quiet, small prayer. This silence, prayerful zone helped me peel off the layers of what i thought was "love". Now, there is no clinging, holding onto anything, demand or expectation from the other. All there is, is prayer for the other, this prayer is also not bounded by the need of it being shared. It emerges from the heart and goes out in the universe. I feel this prayer is love.[Hide Full Comment]

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