Between Grit and Grace
Conversation with Preeti Srinivasan, moderated by Arun Sreekumar and hosted by Drishti Trivedi, on 19th Sept 2021

Defining Moments:-

As an eight year old, I was taught to take a bath, go to pooja (prayer) room and then start the day. One day as I go to the pooja room I see a black board with the debit and credits, all getting wiped out. An eight year old visualising that I should become a blank slate of my previous samskaras, the desire to become clear.

Then as I grew up, my whole life started becoming an external event. Go for swimming at 7.30 am, then to school, after school change clothes many times in school itself and then go back to swimming. Back at 7.30 pm, do homework, and go to bed. No free time at all, travelling and so many things. Couldn’t think of a blank state or the core purpose till 18 years.

The accident was meant for the core purpose. I lost my sense of identity. Before that it was about this body, In a split second everything was gone. The medals didn’t mean anything. People didn't even want to make eye contact with me. Having worked hard for 18 years, now I found myself going inwards and into self enquiry wanting to know “Who am I?”

Life got me to Tiruvannamalai. Father passed away, mother had a bypass surgery. The shift between the external world and shift by God’s incredible grace that I could become a “blank slate”. Today, I feel I am where I want to be and doing what I need to be doing - in the right place.”

Mission of Soulfree:-
“Soulfree is the divine’s purpose, chosen me as an instrument. There is no doer-ship. It is beyond me. It came out of dire need. I had an accident in 1998. Moved to Thirunamalai in 2000. My father gave up his job after the accident and was living with the savings.
One day my father had a heart attack and he was gone suddenly without any will or any decision. Four days later, my Mom had a heart attack and suddenly I was the decision maker and I was clueless, afraid, scared and didn’t know where to begin. Mother had a condition called Angina, she couldn't do any stressful work, even not able to shift me from bed to wheelchair. My parents gave up everything so that I live with dignity and that’s the gift that they gave me.

One day my father’s friend asked how I was going to live without my mother. I have no one, no security, no support system, no rehabilitation centre.

My mother said “You be the change, you look after others.I have faith in you”

I said I don’t know anything. The moment I see numbers my mind shuts down. After my mothers surgery we came back to Tiruvannamalai, and heard two parapegic girls committed suicide because they were paraplegic and a burden to the family. Their brother can’t be married because of them. So the family left poison next to them and they both died. I felt slapped in the face that I didn’t do anything. I needed to raise my voice. People needed to know this was happening. That’s when Soulfree was born.``
“When the body does not cooperate, you are told you don’t deserve to live. To give a chance to such people to live a life of dignity we founded Soulfree.Today it is supporting a 1,000 families struggling with paralysis without any support system.

There are three injuries everyday in India. We don’t even know the statistics in India, we don’t know the level of injuries, whether they survive, whether they have a wheelchair or scooter etc. We don’t know what they need. If they get proper support, they can continue to live in this body by retraining how to live and in this broken body.”
Soulfree Inspire centre is coming up next month which is the first integrated spinal rehabilitation centre to teach how to live in this new body.

It feels like a miracle. Otherwise how can this broken body do something like this?How can it happen without love and support from so many people?

We aspire to create it like a shambhala village where people with disability can live with dignity and no one will have to commit suicide and live with the fear of abandonment.

Philosophy of inclusion:-
Difference between a “normal” person and someone like me is that their bodies cooperate more than mine. 200 muscles are required to work in unison, to make us take that one step.

To share a story, there was a boy with auditory impairment. He worked at a bakery but was bored. His brother’s friend one day took him to a factory and asked him if he’d like to work there. He said yes. The factory was very noisy with the machines and it was near to impossible for any normal hearing person to work there even for a short time. Whereas this boy could work very well with ease. So who is disabled here? It’s all a question of creating contexts where each of our unique gifts can shine.

The disempowerment is due to lack of conducive social conditions and inaccessibility and hence one feels disabled. Disability is a matter of perspective. If you don’t know English, you need someone to translate or transcribe. The same way with any disability. Hence inclusiveness is essential to encompass each and everything in the universe.

At Soulfree, we see everyone as positively abled. All of us have positive abilities and also weaknesses. So we want to unlock the positive abilities.

Inner Transformation:-
Words fail to capture the process of inner transformation. My family was connected to Gurus. Tiruvannamalai is a giant magnet of Gurus and that has been the biggest blessing in my life to be here. This place only pretends to be on Earth. The parallel realm -to experience the magnificence in this place is a big blessing. At 20 years of age when I moved to Tiruvannamalai, I was a brat of entitlement. Everything I had achieved in my “past life” I thought was “my” doing and my hard work.

Now, “I” couldn't even move my little finger.

At such a time, my father was my Guru. “It's not easy in this body”, he said.” Everybody’s body is going to go one day. What are you grieving about? Look within and seek that which can’t be taken away”. He was nudging me to start my inner journey at 18. It would even make me angry at times. He would read from Ramana Maharishi and Nisargadatta Maharaj. I would say ” is this going to take away my pain?”

I had the fear of abandonment. If my parents were not there, how will I live? I used to think people would carry me and throw me in the forest and forcibly take my thumb impression, I would imagine. What will I do?

I had an “out of body experience” where I could see the forest. I experienced joy. I had to face my deepest fears and smile at it and say “I can go through this”.

Now whatever life throws at me, I keep faith. I can surrender to his (God’s) will. I can take care of myself and breathe free.

I don’t like people saying “confined to a wheelchair”. The wheelchair doesn’t confine it, it actually frees me. It makes me mobile, allows me to go around and be my own person. Actually, I think being in a wheelchair has sets me free from illusions. You are soul free. I can laugh and be the person I am, in every room.

Her 4Ps of life -- Perspective, Purpose, Present moment and Peace :-
Present moment is all I have. You are being turned into that instrument. It has given the purpose to serve the greater good to give that peace and Joy.

Role of Parents:-
My parents are my biggest influence in my life. They are Karma Yogis. My mother is a Tamil poet with a creative spirit. She never complains. I am not even 10% of my parents. What did I do to deserve to be born to these parents who will do all this for you? I am the dust at their feet and I'm blessed to be that.

Inclusive spaces -
Being a developing country, we are much behind developed countries in creaing inclusive spaces, but I think we are improving.
In 2002, I went to various colleges to seek admission for Psychology, but each one turned me off saying “There’s no lift or ramp and why come to study?” From the position of being in the top 2% of best students in the US, now just because I’m in the wheelchair, I couldn’t get admission even in a correspondence course. I have come a long way from there. I’m able to say I am doing a PhD in IIT Chennai.

Life at Soulfree
Two stories that Preeti narrated-one of pain and other of victory.
Pusari, a paraplegic with a strong upper body, came for Rs 1000 monthly stipend. He lives in a village, sits around and talks in the day and then goes back to the hut in the afternoon to sleep. His mother works in the forest for an earning. I told him he can do something for a living. He said he can do farming. Soulfree helped him lease one acre of land and sow 100 sacs of rice and he now earns a lakh rupees and employs 10 people. His life was transformed from being a cripple to becoming an employer, financially and emotionally self reliant and reintegrated into the mainstream society to become the change.

Manivel, has a lower level disability. If he had got an early treatment it would not have been this badbut he's now bed ridden. One day his mother cooked food for both of them. He felt a bit dizzy and fell asleep. After some time as he woke up, he saw his mother was lying unconscious on the floor. He felt so helpless, he could not even get up and do anything, not even give her a glass of water. When I saw that scene, I really started crying to see this helpless situation. Soulfree called a medical emergency. They found that it was food poisoning, a lizard had fallen in the food. His mother passed away six months back. Soulfree is supporting him financially, but the challenge is to support him physically.
So that’s why we want to build a long term rehabilitation centre for such people. We are also requesting the Government to allow rehabilitation to be included in the insurance coverage too. I went to the Chief minister and requested to invest in making us alive rather than save us from dying later on. Eg. they spend on treating bed sores but how do we ensure not to get bed sores in the first place?
I think the situation will change but not fast enough. Numbers are high in India, specially North East, Jammu, there is nothing in those places. The system needs to come into place.

On accepting and surrendering to reality
Preeti- It is a very gradual process. My near death experience, when my lungs collapsed and I lay cold for 8 minutes was a powerful learning on surrender. If the brain doesn’t get oxygen for three seconds, the body is dead. It’s a miracle that my brain cells were intact. At that moment, I surrendered to my master and said “I have no fear, I am taken care of”.

Pursuing greatness despite all difficulties/disabilities v/s accepting ordinariness and insignificance
It’s complex. I don't believe in disability. One may get a headache and be disabled for the day. Right now, one side of my body is cold and the other side is sweating, but I am functional. I don’t feel disabled. This is just a label I carry.

We are like bubbles in the ocean. It comes on its own and goes on its own. We are here for a temporary period of time and go. At a deeper level, we are eternal beings. We are abled and disabled at the same time. We are ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. Balance happens on its own.

On Joy and gratitude
Life is teaching me every day that you are not the doer. You can’t even move a finger on your own. Life has shown me that we are interdependent and that constantly brings me to joy and gratitude.
Everything comes to evolve and takes you to the next phase of your journey. In so many ways my ego is broken down because of my dependency. It’s happening because of God’s grace. The less of you, the better the work gets done.

When you are in alignment with the cosmic flow, everything happens easily. The less of you, the more the journey becomes 360 degrees. The joy is continuously there with me now.
All we need to generate is I-sight so that we can look beyond what we can see.

Everybody's good at something, and everybody can be great at giving. How has your journey shifted to giving?

I always remember Albert Einstein’s quote- “If you judge a fish how it will climb a tree, it will always be a failure.” We are perfect in being ourselves. We can be best at being who we are.
In giving, I have learnt that in seemingly doing good for others, it gives me more than what it gives to any others. Our value in the world only comes from what we are able to give. I do it for myself rather than for others. It is the way I find to grow, to fulfill who I am. Be self-centered, in the sense that, when we centre in the self, it is a celebration. If you are happy, everybody is smiling, that is the best.

Closing message:-

“Live fearlessly. Fear is the figment of imagination. What can we do and impact for the greater good.”

“We can’t love a person because they deserve it, but because we have love in our hearts. I learnt to love myself because I have love in my heart.”


I am completely immersed in Preeti’s talk. It has transformed me from inside out. I am most grateful to each one for this experience, for which I have no words that can describe it.