The Challenge of Gift-Giving
उपहार देने में आने वाली चुनौती- नितिन परांजपे (27 नवम्बर, 2012)
मैं एक ऐसे लक्षण से ग्रस्त हूँ जो काफी आम है, पर मैं फिर भी काफी अजीब महसूस करता हूँ। हालाँकि मुझे उपहार लेना पसंद है, लेकिन फिर भी उपहार स्वीकार करना मुझे कुछ अटपटा-सा लगता है। मेरे ख्याल से मूल बात ये है की इस प्रक्रिया में हम ये मान कर चलते हैं कि उपहार देने से, लेने वाले के मन में मेरे लिए अच्छा भाव उत्पन्न होगा। मैंने इस कारण को समझने की कोशिश की तो पाया कि इस बात में कुछ सच्चाई तो है, पर इस बात को समझ पाना उतना सीधा और साधारण भी नहीं है।
किसी को कुछ दे पाने में, लेने वाले के बारे में सोच पाना और उसकी दुनिया और इच्छाओं को जान पाना दोनों ही शामिल हैं। इस प्रक्रिया में हमारा पूरा ध्यान "हम" से हट कर "उन" पर चला जाता है, और जैसे-जैसे ऐसा होता है, अनजाने ही में लेने और देने वाले के बीच का फासला खुद ही, प्रेमपूर्वक, कम होने लगता है। किसी को भेंट देना उसके मन में प्रवेश करने का एक आसान तरीका है।
लेकिन आज के उपभोक्ता-प्रधान समाज में, उपहार केवल प्लास्टिक में लिपटी हुई चीज़ें-मात्र हो गए हैं; हमारी उपहार देने की इच्छा इस बात पर निर्भर हो गयी है कि बाज़ार में क्या मिल रहा है। बाज़ार में उपलब्ध किस्म-किस्म की चीज़ों की चमक पल भर के लिए हमें ये भुला देती है कि उपहार देने का कारण क्या है। हमारा ध्यान उपहार प्राप्त करने वाले की बजाए उपहार पर ही अटक जाता है। अंत में पाने वाला ऐसे "उपहारों" के बीच अटक जाता है, जो उसके किसी काम के नहीं हैं। साथ ही ये धारणा भी प्रधान होती जा रही है कि किसी चीज़ का "दाम" कितना है। उपहार देते समय जो भावनाएं पैदा होती हैं, उनसे ज्यादा उस चीज़ की कीमत क्या है, उसका महत्त्व होता जा रहा है। चीज़ जितनी महंगी हो, लगता है वो उतनी ही मूल्यवान भी है। मुझे दोनों किस्म के अनुभव हो चुके हैं - ऐसे उपहार पाने के जो मेरे किसे काम के नहीं थे, और साथ ही दूसरों के लिए ऐसे उपहार चुनने के जो मैंने सिर्फ खाना-पूर्ति के लिए खरीदे।
इस दिखावे की दुनिया में मेरे परिवार और उस सन्स्था ने जिसमें मैं काम कर रहा था, कुछ नया करने की ठानी। हमने सोच लिया कि बजाये बाज़ार से खरीदने के, अब हम हाथ से बनी चीज़ें ही उपहार में लोगों को देंगे। इससे हममें बहुत बदलाव आया। जब हम अपने हाथों से कुछ बनाते हैं, तो हम तुरंत अपने अंतःकरण से जुड़ जाते हैं, और साथ ही हम जिसके लिए वह तोहफा बना रहे हैं, उस व्यक्ति से भी हम आंतरिक तौर पर जुड़ जाते है। अपने हाथों से कुछ बनाने में समय लगता है, जो कि हमें निष्क्रिय उपभोक्ता बनाने की जो कोशिश है ,उसे भी चुनौती देता है। जबकि मेरी कृति बहुत महान नहीं थी, लेकिन मैंने उसे अपने पूरे मन से बनाया, और मुझे महसूस हुआ कि मेरे ऑफिस में काम करने वाले जिस व्यक्ति के लिए मैंने वह उपहार बनाया, उसे शायद बहुत पसंद भी आएगा। और ऐसा ही हुआ, जिससे मुझे बहुत खुशी मिली।
- नितिन परांजपे
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion of ready-made gifts leading us to "forget the reasons for giving?" How do you stay mindful of your reasons for giving? Can you share a personal story of a gift that you chose to make with your own hands?
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15 Past Reflections
On Feb 23, 2013 mohna wrote :
I totally agree. I too have started "making" gifts with my own hands, and find great pleasure in giving...I am sure those who receive my hand-made gifts love them too ;-)
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On Nov 29, 2012 beth tilley wrote :
I live in rural upstate New York and it has always been my forte to give homemade gifts or a gift with meaning. For me it isn't a gift unless it is meaningful, which sometimes leaves me thinking a long time. You have to really know the person in order to give a gift that is heartfelt, which is why sometimes it is so hard. I find myself feeling obligated to give everyone I know something. It is so overwhelming that I have to admit wishing that we abolish Christmas.
In years past I painted a sweatshirt with a picture of the Grinch for my father... He loved it. I also made him a stain glass of the New York State Conservation emblem, which he was an officer for 25+years. When my boys were little and were completely enthralled with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles we made a "sewer city" of PVC pipes on a 4'x4' piece of plywood.
I have been a licensed massage therapist for the past eight years and I have begun giving a g... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 29, 2012 Narendra wrote :
How do you relate to the notion of ready-made gifts leading us to "forget the reasons for giving?" I agree with the author that gift giving is commercialized. It shifts our spiritual emotions to material emotions. Even from a young age, we learn to evaluate our emotion through a price tag. The material exchange as a ‘transaction’ can bring a “closure” to emotional exchange. On the other hand, if the gift is an expression of love, such as creating a unique object with our own hands, as an expression of sharing our life/time, the gift is ‘energized’ by our love and it can be a reminder of never ending flow of love. Time and action can create a depth of emotion. How do you stay mindful of your reasons for giving? We do not need a reason for giving. Life and happiness are a collective flow of give and take. After our first responsibility to be independent and not be a burden to any one, all thoughts and actions should be... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 28, 2012 Amy wrote :
I cannot, personally, relate to the notion of "forgetting the reason for giving". A gift should always meet a request/need/desire of the person receiving. A gift given, just for the "sake of giving" (going thru the expected motion) can be detected in a heartbeat! (We've all received gifts that lack . . . any sort of "connection" with who we are/ what we like/ simply "knowing" the need.)
My dad gifts me tomatoes in the Summer/Fall because he knows my family will enjoy them all winter long in soups. My mom gifts me with her "listening" and in her attention to detail in a multitude tasks/skills. Today, my son gifted me with a back rub . . . a student, an origami crane . . . my husband, a good day kiss.
What ever "the gift" may be (homemade, personal or store bought) . . . the focus has to be on the "receiver" . . . my reason for giving.
&... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 28, 2012 Manisha wrote :
With the holiday season right around the corner in many parts of the world, this passage is a much-needed reminder of the joy of gift giving. Last year, around this time, I received a beautiful package in the mail. It was a gift from my best friend -- an album with pictures from our time spent together in her town and beautiful memories and quotes that she had hand-written artistically throughout the album. It had taken her months to put it together as she worked on it a little bit each evening after work. I could feel the love, the deep connection that we share, coming alive as I remembered what it was like to visit her. It was a sincere offering that I cherish.
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On Nov 28, 2012 Rekha Garg wrote :
I believe being able to receive graciously is also an art and a big practice. People in general and mostly people who are givers from the heart ( me included) have very hard time receiving gifts without feeling undeserving or embarrassed and even less powerful. It is important for both the giver and the receiver to go thorough the process in a way where there is a comfort level on both ends to an extent that both feel at peace, happy, deserving of the moment and attention given and received and acceptance. This applies not only to material gift-giving whether store-bought or hand-made, but also to other acts of kindness someone does for you. Personally, in this context, I love doing things for others, cooking being one of my ways to show love for others. And there are days when I'm physically too exhausted to carry on even the basic cooking, but when my husband asks me to sit down so he can cook and feed me, I find it very hard to receive his gift. Mostly, the reason being it... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 28, 2012 Conrad P. Pritscher wrote :
Thank you for the inspiration Nina.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Everything is wonderful and Nina is too
Happy holidays to
everyone.
Warm and kind regards
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Everything is wonderful and Nina is too
Happy holidays to
everyone.
Warm and kind regards
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On Nov 28, 2012 Nina wrote :
I agree that "The focus shifts to the product rather than the person" in most occasions. An exception is the Saint Nicolas celebration we have in the Netherlands. Or at least the way we do it in my family: every year we make something with our hands and write a poem to accompany the gift. The poem reflects on the year that passed by, and preferably also involves some satire or joke about the person, but also appreciation. I really love this celebration and am sorry it's going to be the second year next week that I will miss it due to living abroad. Maybe I can write a poem any way. I think it could be nice if more families celebrate their Christmas in a similar way, to "connects us to [each other's] inner world".
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On Nov 26, 2012 Sharad wrote :
Nice thoughts and effort.According to the VEDAS,the highest act of GIVING is promoting/teaching spirituality and then knowledge.This is much easier to execute comparatively.
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On Nov 25, 2012 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :
Give from the heart, receive from the heart. Agreed, that it is the PERSONAL Connection of the gifter to the receiver that is most important; whether a store bought item, a handmade item or TIME together. Truly, the THOUGHT behind it that matters most; pure intention. And I, too, was hoping to hear more about receiving; I've got GIVING down. Thank you. <3
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On Nov 23, 2012 david doane wrote :
The article is entitled "The Challenge of Receiving Gifts," but it and the questions seem to focus on giving. Perhaps that suggests that it is not only easier to give than to receive but it is easier to talk about giving than about receiving. I remember being taught to simply say 'thank you' when given a gift, be it verbal or material, and that advice still seems very valuable. Ready-made gifts can lead us to "forget the reasons for giving," but not necessarily. I think the key factor is whether the gift, be it ready-made or personally made, connects with a need or want in the receiver. The giving of a gift to me is special when the giver paid attention to me and knew me such that the gift is something I truly want. I do think it is important to stay mindful of my reasons for giving. I think the purest gift is given freely, out of care, and connects with what the receiver needs or wants. Such a gift is gi... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 23, 2012 Conrad P Pritscher wrote :
Thank you for the opportunity to respond. I move in and out of the: "I know nothing" framework. Today I am in it. On two occasions I gave an art piece of welded steel. The act of creating is as much for me as it was for them. Perhaps we were both "one". My skin stops here. Their skin stopped there. Even though we were, in a sense, one. I don't know. Thinking and reasoning can help one give and receive. Giving and receiving precedes logic. I can give some reasons for it being better to give than receive the reasons as it seems to me to be better to console rather than seek to be consoled yet we don't seem to need reasons for giving and consoling. Those values exist in one probably through nature and nurture before reason operates. Yet I don't know. I do believe attention is very important yet when we are all one, who else is there to attend? I know... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 23, 2012 Kokil wrote :
For many years I had been gifting basis the occasion and the price tag. I chose what I liked, hardly taking into consideration what the person whom I am gifting might need. I believed that my choice of gifts surpassed many others. Slowly and steadily I moved out of that space. On my mother's 60th birthday, I kept wondering what to gift her where my other siblings were gifting her Laptops and other expensive stuff. I organized a surprise party for her wherein her closest friends were invited. I had prepared them earlier to narrate their most memorable incident or interaction with her. I cooked the entire meal and wrote a poem for her. She just loved the experience and was so overwhelmed with joy that she expressed that she was unable to eat as her body was filled with the happiness that the surprise gave her.
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On Nov 23, 2012 Ricky wrote :
In the current month’s issue of Yoga Journal, at the beginning of the magazine, several of the contributors were asked “What is the most loving gift you’ve ever received?” I will quote a couple here.
“A friend who knows me well gave me a book of art by a contemporary artist I absolutely love... When someone is in tune with you like that and takes notice of the details of who you are, it can make the gift very special.”
“There have been moments when a friend has taken the time to share their presence with me, to really slow down, make eye contact, and listen to what I needed to talk about. That kind of presence is the most precious thing you can give.”
I find when I give gifts, I am actually paying it forward. I have been blessed and enriched by someone else so significantly that I am guided to affect someone else’s life in the same way. Several different thoughts come to mind. One is, do your w... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 23, 2012 Resh wrote :
I liked the write-up. It simply gives insight of one more way to look within instead of getting lost in outer world. It helped me in being more creative then being dependent on readymade things. I have similar experience with me.. My brother was leaving out of country for work and I wanted to give him Bon Voyage card but getting card and presenting him was a very artificial act so, I prepared it by hand, and I involved all my family members in it, insisting them to write a few words or lines for him and wishing him luck. I then decorated it with crayon colors, stars, smiley and hearts. Finally while he was leaving presented him with laminated copy of the card. He was indeed delighted to see the hand made Good Luck Card. More so with the wordings handwritten by each of the family member. Its four years, still he has preserved that and he simply loves it.