The Laughter Thief
हमारी हँसी के चोर , सोरेन गॉर्डहैमर के द्वारामैंने हाल ही में पढ़ा था कि औसतन एक 4 साल का बच्चा दिन में लगभग 300 बार हँसता है। और औसतन 40 साल का इंसान? सिर्फ़ चार बार। तो फिर जैसे-जैसे हम बड़े होते हैं, हममें से इतने लोग अपनी हँसी क्यों खो देते हैं? हाँ, बड़ों की ज़िंदगी में ऐसी ज़िम्मेदारियाँ आती हैं जिनका बच्चों को सामना नहीं करना पड़ता। लेकिन फिर भी, आप देखेंगे कि हम जितना हँसते है, उससे ज़्यादा तो हँसना ही चाहिए।
तो किसने या किस चीज़ ने हमारी हँसी और ख़ुशी चुरा ली है? इसका एक कारण आधुनिक जीवन है, जिसकी चुनौतियाँ और दबाव हैं। चार साल के बच्चों को बिल नहीं भरने होते। इसका एक हिस्सा हमारे अपने मन से जुड़ा भी है, और यह उस देखने से जुड़ा है, जिस से हम जीवन को देखते और जीते हैं। हमारे दिन एक चुपचाप चलने वाली तानाशाही से शासित हो सकते हैं — हमारी पसंद, नापसंद और " यह होना चाहिए" की प्रवृति ।
"चीज़ें ऐसी होनी चाहिए, वैसी नहीं। लोग ऐसे बर्ताव करें, वैसे नहीं। दुनिया जैसी है, वैसी नहीं होनी चाहिए।"मेरे एक शिक्षक कहा करते थे, "हम पर पूरी ज़िंदगी ‘यह होना चाहिए’ लादे गए हैं। हम दूसरों पर ‘यह होना चाहिए’ थोपते हैं और दूसरे हम पर।" और हमारी नसें ऐसे व्यवहार करती हैं मानो हम हमेशा कोई आपातकाल स्थिति में हों ! हमेशा कुछ न कुछ ग़लत हो रहा हो। लेकिन अगर हम रुककर अपने आप से पूछें, "अभी इस पल मेरे पास कौन-सी समस्या है?" तो हम क्या जवाब देंगे?
हाँ, चुनौतियाँ वास्तविक हैं। और दुनिया को कई बार हमारी देखभाल की ज़रूरत होती है। लेकिन हम कितनी समस्याओं को अपने अन्दर समा लेते हैं? जब हम सजग नहीं होते, तो हमारा शरीर और हमारी नसें ऐसे प्रतिक्रिया देती हैं जैसे हमेशा कोई ख़तरा हो, भले ही वास्तव में ऐसा न हो। समय के साथ, वह लगातार होता तनाव उस रूप में बदल जाता है जिसे हम ज़हरीला तनाव (toxic stress) कहते हैं। और मुझे लगता है कि आधुनिक दुनिया में हम में से लगभग हर कोई इसका कुछ हिस्सा तो ज़रूर ढो रहा है।
इसके इलाज कई तरह के हैं : प्रकृति में समय बिताना। दोस्तों के साथ समय बिताना। अपने अन्दर झाँकने का समय। और यह सोचने का समय कि वास्तव में क्या मायने रखता है। जब हम यह जागरूक होते हैं कि असल में मायने क्या रखते हैं … यानि जीवन जैसा है वैसा ही है …
" तब हम देखते हैं कि हमारी अधिकांश चुनौतियाँ कोई "घटना" या "चीज़" नहीं है, बल्कि उसके प्रति हमारा संबंध है। "यदि आप किसी बाहरी कारण से परेशान हैं, तो वह पीड़ा उस कारण से नहीं, बल्कि उसके बारे में आपके अपने अनुमान से आती है; और इसे आप किसी भी क्षण बदलने की शक्ति रखते हैं।" —मार्कस ऑरेलियस।
तब हम बिना इस लगातार तनाव के कार्य कर सकते हैं। जब जीवन "यह होना चाहिए" की परीक्षा न होकर सीखने की यात्रा बन जाता है, तब उसमें अधिक सहजता और हल्कापन आ जाता है। शायद हमारी हँसी फिर लौट आए।
चिंतन के लिए बीज प्रश्न: आप इस विचार के बारे में क्या सोचते हैं कि जैसे-जैसे हमारी उम्र होती हैं, हमारी हँसी कम इसलिए नहीं होती कि जीवन की मांगें बढ़ जाती हैं, बल्कि इसलिए क्योंकि हम अपने अन्दर " यह होना चाहिए" और अपनी उम्मीदें जमा कर लेते हैं? क्या आप कोई व्यक्तिगत अनुभव साझा कर सकते हैं जब आपने बाहरी दबावों के बावजूद अपने दृष्टिकोण को तनाव या मजबूरी से हटा कर , सहजता या हँसी की ओर मोड़ लिया? आपको अपने जीवन में यह देखने कि आपकी दैनिक आदत विकसित करने में , कि वास्तव में क्या मायने रखता है , जिसके फलस्वरूप आपकी जीवन अधिक हंसी और हल्कापन आ सके, किस चीज़ से मदद मिलती है?
Soren Gordhamer is the founder of Wisdom 2.0.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: What do you make of the idea that our laughter diminishes as we age, not because of life's inherent demands but due to our internalized "shoulds" and expectations? Can you share a personal story that illustrates a time when you were able to shift your perspective from stress or obligation to one of ease or laughter despite external pressures? What helps you cultivate a daily habit of reflecting on what truly matters, allowing more laughter and lightness to emerge in your life?
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10 Past Reflections
On Aug 27, 2025 James wrote :
So for the first time they spoke, and they said, “We are laughing because this man has won. We were always wondering who would die first, and this man has defeated us. We are laughing at our defeat, at his victory. He lived with us for many years, and we laughed together and we enjoyed each other’s togetherness, presence. There can be no other way of giving him the last send-off, we can only laugh.”
The whole village was sad, but when the dead monk’s body was put on the funeral pyre, then the village realized that not only were these two joking — the third who was dead was also laughing… because the third man who was dead had told his companions, “Don’t change my dress!”
It was conventional that when a man died they changed the dress and gave a bath to the body, so he had said, “Don’t give me a bath because I have never been unclean. So much laughter has been in my life that no impurity can accumulate near me, can even come to me. I have not gathered any dus... [View Full Comment]
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On Aug 26, 2025 Kay wrote :
I do feel the burden of expectations on how I "should" be interacting with the world around me and I always feel like I'm doing it wrong. I think it's a lot easier for me to laugh now that the kids are toddlers and they are little beacons of light and joy most of the time. I want to spend more time cultivating the daily habit of reflection, and really appreciate this perspective of focusing on laughter and lightness emerging in life. It's not going to be perennial, however it can be something I choose to focus on rather than all the nonsense out there in the world.
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On Aug 26, 2025 Naren wrote :
This is a topic very dear to my heart though I believe I am still a work in progress. Last year I lost my dad at 90. If one were to reach out to his peers and his friends group, he would clearly be recalled for his humor and wit. He always tried to make any situation funny and the very basis of a conversation. I also noticed that it was more in the presence of strangers or not-so-regulars or his best buddies from his youth. I have since noticed that folks that are always joking, taking any situation lightly and finding humor even when the joke is on them, seem to be always happy, joyful and in good health. I guess laughter indeed is a good preventative medicine.
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On Aug 26, 2025 Pat Hardy wrote :
My husband, Tom Hardy, was loved by so many people, because he had a natural way of making people laugh. He never set himself up to be a "comic," he was simply a joyful guy who enjoyed making people feel good. His life as an attorney was pretty serious, but he could usually find some humor in most situations, so if his quips didn't generate a hearty laugh, they often caused a smile. I was the beneficiary of such a bright light for over 64 years, and I smile every single time I think of him. What a legacy for one to leave.
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On Aug 26, 2025 Andy Ferguson wrote :
My wife and I have been together nearly 36 years through ups and downs. We've been at breaking point many times and I think we'd both say it's the moments where we've been able to laugh together that have held it together. Even now at old age beckons it's the time spent laughing together that make life bearable.
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On Aug 25, 2025 Jayendra Shah Sydney wrote :
When you achieve freedom from expectations from others and self, when you get freedom from comparing any aspect of your life with respective aspects in others life, when you get freedom from how others react to you or respect you or not respect you, laughter certainly comes back. Since retirement I am trying to live in freedom and I see this first hand.
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On Aug 23, 2025 David Doane wrote :
Approximately 300 laughs a day for a 4 year old, and about 4 per day for a 40 year old. That's a serious difference, and a sad one. I believe that difference has much to do with our internalized "shoulds." Shoulds are obligations, and obligation takes the laughter and fun out of most anything. At some point long ago I realized that shoulds are an imposition coming from inside me or outside me, and they say I'm forced and not free. Shoulds disempower. We like to pretend we're powerless victims, but we're not. I gave up shoulds. I stopped telling myself I'm forced. I stopped saying should and started saying I will or I won't or I choose, whichever was true, and that was empowering. Cultivating that habit supports what really matters, which is to be free and responsible, and it results in more laughter and lightness in me.
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On Aug 21, 2025 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
The Laughter Thief authored by Soren Gordhamer makes me look at my journey of life and examine when, why and how I lost my joys and laughter. As a child I was very playful and joyful. I didn't have the burden of "shoulds" and "shouldnts". I enjoyed going to school, playing with my friends, and helping those who needed help from me. My journey of life was joyful. As I got older I felt life getting heavier. I felt the burden of growing up. I came to realize that with aging the burden of responsibilities gets heavier.
There are two ways of dealing with burdens of life: complaining or accepting. By complaining or resenting I lose my laughter. By accepting I flow with my life joyfully. So It is up to me to decide which way to go.
My father was a great teacher for me. He taught me many important things about how to use my mind. The mind can be a killer or the mind can be a healer. He taught me meditation to quiet the noisy mind, to clear the clouds of confusion and to make wise choic... [View Full Comment]
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On Aug 21, 2025 Allie wrote :
My dear friend and colleague Izzy Gesell died last month, and we celebrated him in a memorial which was filled with laughter and like minded creatives. He was a long-term master of improv, and all of its applications to increase nervous system regulation as well as for personal development. He didn’t talk about the need for more laughter, per se, yet it was clear that the gentle switching toward a “yes and” approach would create a much more fluid relational field, as people told their stories from the perspective of other and the incredible capacity building that that laughter comes from the deep part of our being. Nothing like connecting with others in a humorous applied improv session, such that Izzy did for so many over so many years. We miss him greatly.. Izzy Gesell, rest in peace
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On Aug 21, 2025 Victoria wrote :
I have a 4 year old granddaughter and it is true.....she laughs all the time :) and I notice I laugh just being with her much more than I normally do. All sorts of things delight her......new found bugs, crayons, snacks, coconut water. Life is filled with new adventures and new things each day. Through her eyes, I see them as 'new' as well. I notice after being with this little one, the whole day is much lighter and more joyful.