El concepto de servicio no equivale al de ayuda. El concepto de ayuda se basa en la percepción de una desigualdad, no se refiere a una relación entre iguales. Cuando ayudas, utilizas tu propias dotes para asistir a alguien menos dotado que tú. Es una relación vertical, de arriba hacia abajo, y las personas perciben ese desequilibrio. Cuando prestamos ayuda, puede que sin darnos cuenta estemos restando más de lo que pretendemos sumar, pues hacemos que la autoestima y el valor personal de la persona se vean mermados.
Pues bien, si presto mi ayuda soy muy consciente de lo que estoy aportando, sin embargo cuando servimos, no lo hacemos con nuestras dotes sino con lo que somos. Aportamos todas nuestras experiencias: nuestras heridas, nuestras limitaciones, incluso nuestra oscuridad. La totalidad de lo que somos se pone al servicio de la totalidad de la otra persona y la totalidad de la vida. La ayuda lleva implícita la deuda: cuando prestas ayuda a alguien, ese alguien adquiere una deuda contigo. Sin embargo el servicio es algo recíproco. Cuando presto mi ayuda siento satisfacción, pero cuando me pongo al servicio lo que siento es gratitud.
Servir también es diferente que arreglar. Se arreglan tuberías rotas, pero no se arregla a las personas. Cuando me pongo a querer arreglar a la otra persona es porque percibo que está mal. Querer arreglar a alguien es una forma de juicio que nos separa a los unos de los otros; abre una brecha.
Así que ayudar, arreglar o servir son básicamente formas de ver la vida. Cuando prestas ayuda percibes la vida como algo frágil; cuando la quieres arreglar es porque la ves rota; y cuando te pones al servicio es porque ves que la vida es plena tal como es.
Cuando adoptamos esa manera de servicio hacia otra persona, comprendemos que su sufrimiento es nuestro propio sufrimiento también; que su alegría es también nuestra alegría, y entonces el impulso de servir aparece de manera orgánica – nuestra sabiduría innata y nuestra compasión surgen de manera espontánea. Una persona que está al servicio sabe que está siendo utilizada y desea ser de utilidad para un fin que está por encima de ella. Podemos ayudar y arreglar muchas cosas en nuestra vida, pero cuando servimos, estamos siempre al servicio del todo.
--Rachel Remen, extraído de Hospicio Zen
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28 Past Reflections
On Mar 4, 2026lydia wrote :
Being of service is an impactful act that benefits both the receiver and the giver emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Great insight. Sometimes it is a matter of attitude. Some "help" while others "fix" their clients in the name of serving, yet without knowing that what they are doing is not service.
That was really insightful - men I think connect more with the first two and it's difficult then to to have an equal relationship. Perhaps when we do either of the first two in love, we move closer to serving.
Love this. This distinction is so good. It resonates with our concept of Compassionate Accountability. Compassion means - "suffer with." Fixing and helping don't do that. And, there has to be accountability for feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
the year was 1998 and i was a part of the Landmark education & i remember clearly making an intent to make a difference in the life of others. i can see how this intent has sprouted and grown into a tree with deep roots and ready to be of service to everything and everyone.
Balancing full awareness of privilege while finding our place to best serve can be tricky. We are all people, but our circumstances vary so widely. How will the people we work with perceive our privilege and thus accept our service. How do we mindfully stand in the position of those we serve? It is with courage that we move forward to serve humbly while wearing privilege, keeping love and caring at the front of our minds and hearts.
Dr. Remen, I was so happy to find you. I read your book Kitchen Table Wisdom a long time ago. You changed my life. I received so much from that book that I have no words. I read it again, and again and I keep finding beauty and wisdom in it. May God bless you a thousand times and may you find, here or wherever, all the love, caring and comfort you have given to so many people. What you have is a gift of the soul, oh, so rare. My best to you always.
Rachel, thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts. I feel that we could even move beyond service to an ethic of stewardship, which will take us to an even more equitable, integrated and holistic place and create a sense of universal and shared responsibility.
Thank you for creating clarity about service of wholeness. It reminded me also of what Pema Choedroen said:
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
from Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
.....and also of Leila Watson: " If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." Lilla Watson, Aboriginal educator... [View Full Comment]
Thank you for creating clarity about service of wholeness. It reminded me also of what Pema Choedroen said:
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
.....and also of Leila Watson: " If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." Lilla Watson, Aboriginal educator[Hide Full Comment]
I am in my 6th year as a hospice chaplain and I've long admired Rachel Remen's books. This reflection is so important in stating so clearly what our basic attitude needs to be: one of service.
I approve of the emphasis on equality. But, I feel the opposite about the words "help" and "serve". Help is something we do for free, and it's ok to accept help when we need it, or let it go when we need to stand on our own. It is a relationship among equals and caring people.
Service is not about equals. If I serve you, I am working for you, and you get the mistaken impression of being higher than another. There is a positive feeling of equality among those who help. But a feeling of being used among those who serve.
The principle of the message does not seem to be about equality so much as it is about the humbling of one's self.