Suffering means to me to bear or carry my experience. My experience is my truth. To accept, value, express, utilize what I am experiencing is for me to suffer it. I can carry my experience efficiently, in a way that doesn't create unnecessary pain, or I can carry my experience inefficiently , which creates unnecessary pain. Pain is unavoidable -- it's part of life -- how I suffer it is up to me. I have chosen to suffer my experience over safety when the cause is important enough to me and the danger looks acceptable. I have chosen safety over suffering my experience when the danger looks too great. Suffering my experience is integrity, and my integrity definitely has cracks and limits. I think of Jesus as someone who suffered his experience over safety, and the price he paid the was execution. I've been no martyr. I've been aware of the choice between suffering my experience or safety. Sometimes I have suffered my experience in the form of saying or doing what felt dangerous, choosing suffering my experience over safety, but the danger was not extreme. Usually I've ended up taking less heat than I expected. I do feel joy when I have the courage to suffer my experience, and have shame when I don't suffer my experience and deny it. As C.S. Lewis said, "The boy chooses safety, the man chooses suffering." Sometimes I'm a boy. The more I suffer my experience the easier it becomes.