I may contain that which can become whole, within my self...but am I whole? Complete? Or do I suffer from unwholesomeness, being incomplete within myself? If I am honest with myself, I see, I am incomplete, though to realize this, is uncomfortable.
Like you, I will not work for what I imagine I already contain, if I imagine I am complete, whole, I may receive a false sense of satisfaction, but will I strive for completion? Realizing the state of my own incomplete being, surely does quicken a desire in me to complete myself, to work on acquiring what I need to achieve a state of wholesomeness. For, is it not only from a state of our own wholeness, that we can offer, that which is wholesome? Has our world not already suffered enough from unwholesomeness?
Like you,I will also, not work, for that which I imagine I can not attain. If I imagine I am incapable of attaining a state of completeness, I can allow myself, to become complacently satisfied, with partial development, saying to myself, "why make effort to be more, have I not done all that anyone could be expected to do?"
Like you, I also find it is difficult to be honest with myself, I avoid unprofitableness, as containing it causes a kind of suffering, yet, it is exactly from accepting and containing the suffering, that realizing these uncomfortable truths produce, there arises in me, an undefinable will, to become. I embrace these realizations when I have the strength to bear them. They are friends to my inner work, goading me forward in my own self development.