I believe this is such complicated and essential territory. I have found that when I focus on others to avoid focusing on my own concerns, the avoidance in that doesn't do anyone any good. And yet, when I am in a more centered place, open to my own inner world, focusing with others on their concerns seems to do both of us a lot of good. Neurobiologically speaking, we can't not have some inner awareness of and attention on what is happening for others because we have complex circuitry that is dedicated to that kind of co-resonance. Maybe even more importantly, we are above all attaching beings, continually seeking the warmest connections with others we can imagine. Our very nervous systems are always requesting connection, looking for safe others with whom to share our world. And we define that safety as nonjudgmental, agenda-less presence. In those moments, we move deeply into one another's worlds, not to fix or adjust or make assumptions about what should happen next, but to be present for the unfolding of the wisdom in our bodies and minds. Without this kind of ongoing support, we don't do very well at any stage of life. With this support, we have the potential to become more deeply individual by being more deeply connected. Then when life brings the inevitable suffering and challenges, we have rich resources of back-up as things sort themselves out. It really does make all the difference.
On May 20, 2014Kit wrote :
Thanks, Bonnie, for expressing this so beautifully and opening the basics to more subtle realities.
On Dec 16, 2020Marietta wrote :
Hi Bonnie thank you for this great reflection. It clarifies the misunderstanding that minding your business equals not caring for others . I agree with you ; when I am able to take care of my needs, let go of expectations I am better able to be present and loving towards others