I left my own business and has caused me problems at home financially and emotionally, I have been giving it all to my my dad's business, I wish I could leave my dad's business but I can't , I been living his illness since we found out he had terminal cancer, I am his only daughter. someone has to take care of him in everyway, I am not 100% in my own business and I feel exhausted. it's a hard one. how do I cope with this?
On May 20, 2014david doane wrote :
Annie -- Yes, you have a very difficult situation and because of your goodness and love you are giving so much to your dad and his business. I very much commend you. I think what would help me cope with such a situation would be for me to realize that I could leave dad's business and because of my care and devotion I am choosing to stay; and for me to realize that I don't have to take care of him in everyway but because of my care and devotion I am choosing to take care of him. I think that in realizing that it is my choice I would retain my freedom and not feel victimized, I would be more in my business, I would cope better with the situation, and would not feel so exhausted. I hope all goes well.
On May 20, 2014Syd wrote :
What I write in my first paragraph, Annie, is my attempt to validate your feelings. And please understand I do not have clue what you are feeling, as it is only my attempt to give you a touch of fresh air to what you may be feeling. My last paragraph is a suggestion to your question “how do I cope with this?”
This taking care of your Dad appears painful, Annie. I sense you may feel fatigued, apathetic, alienated maybe from yourself and others. It feels like you cannot allow yourself to feel meaningful moments with your Father. This may result in the sudden blockage of feelings, as if life had suddenly been drained from you. Hope may feel like it has suddenly vanished. The best I can say, in my trying to be sensitive and considerate to what you may feel, is I am so sorry for what may feel like you are standing all alone.
In response to your question I want to suggest you approach your Father’s care with non-attachment. I realize non-attachment sounds like being uncaring for your Father. It may seem like being insensitive and you may feel it is being as hard as nails. Yet non-attachment contains no hint of rejection or hardness, rather it offers a radical acceptance of life as it is. It is the quality where it allows you to be present and the ability to abide in your deeper self. This non-attachment does not cling to anything inner or outer. It offers this freedom to not need to cling to the endless activity of your mind and cling to this deep grief of losing your Dad. Non-attachment allows the unfolding to happen and I believe you will feel contained within your true self that can endure this pain and hardship. Non-attachment offers a radical acceptance because it can live within painful truth.
Everything touches and transforms us all and yet your level of transformation is beyond words. Non-attachment is just this place where you do not base yourself on your thoughts, not on your feelings and not on your perceptions. It is a place where everything arises and disappears into profound stillness and peace. It offers a heart felt peace. I also believe it the greatest gift you can give to your Father and to yourself, non-attachment that allows you to fall into your deeper self and peace is offered with a profound compassion.
Peace Annie and your presence is deeply significant !!!
On May 20, 2014Carlyn wrote :
Well done so eloquently sharing this advice and compassion Syd, and every blessing to you, Annie and her Dad, and my own.
On May 20, 2014Anne wrote :
Thank you Syd and Carlyn for your supporting kind words and to the network that allow us to help each other trough this site. Blessings to the special connections we have with our parents and with ourselves.