My husband and I have a 38 year marriage like that. It is a second marriage for both of us, so we entered into it a bit wiser. In our marriage vows we promised honesty, to the best of our human abilities. And we both recognize that the heart's stirrings can be neither demanded nor controlled. We promised in our vows to work toward the continued vitality of our marriage, and we vowed that if one of us was so unhappy that he or she could go no further, the very first person to be told would be the other spouse.