Tonight I received a reminder as my seven year old daughter came to me after I had tucked her into bed:
Sabina "I feel angry and sad and I don't know why. Why?"
Mama "Your feelings don't need a why. They are just there. Often the why comes after the feeling anyway."
Sabina "I feel like I need to cry. Why?"
Mama "Perhaps you are tired or got into a ray through the universe or have something deep inside that says 'This is a quiet moment and it is a good time to speak and be heard.' It doesn't really matter why, just let the crying come. Remember when I told you that often people believe it is not ok to feel so they squash their feelings inside? Sometimes they are difficult like pain and sadness and anger and sometimes they are the opposite like a lake of joy. For some reason it was said or at least believed that it isn't ok to feel so then the sadness came that it can't be felt. Then the fear came that it might be felt anyway. Then the anger came that there is fear. Beneath all is that feeling waiting to be felt. Perhaps your need to cry is these feelings calling to be felt. You could go curl up in bed with a comfy stuffy and quietly let it come. It seems to want quiet."
Sabi nodded her head then went bed while I waited to turn off the light. "I will be awake for a while if you need me."
The tears didn't come but in a few minutes she came to me and fell asleep almost before finishing her wiggles.
She was peaceful.
Allow is what the word has been for me and the universe has amazing ways to remind me, often by having me say to my daughters exactly what I need to hear.