Your writing about your experience in Vietnam appears like moments of transparency. It appears you were penetrating life with brilliant clarity and you were not exerting your ego mind to understand it. I know for me chasing the carrot is my ego hanging onto the experiences and information, even stockpiling information for the next catastrophe. My problem is I identify with my ideas of the experience, which detaches me from the support of Being. In response to you, though, it seems your transparency, even now, is a knowing-ness and aware-ness of your True Nature. I say this because your compassion and open heart to love the world appears to be statements of no longer clinging to your ideas about how the world works. Now your openness and compassion appears to be your transparency and this is with deep serenity.