I love this Taoist way of living, relating to different dimensions of my life. I see my ailing wife slowly withering away and I realize the truth of the impermanence of life. Do I not want my wife to live longer and healthier/ Of course, yes. When I let my desire and longing come fully and gently let it go and let my grieving come fully and gently go, I feel the presence of something unchanging, my pure love for her.The more tightly I hold onto my longing and grieving, the more pain I go through. It is like making and holding my fist tightly and experiencing pain. Becoming mindful of this self-caused pain and opening up the fist is a good way and the right way of releasing the pain.It is like tuning the strings of a lute neither tightly nor loosely, but lightly.The either /or way of thinking and relating to life happenings is problematic, perpetuating the cycle of suffering.