" Holding lightly" is being more free than "holding tightly," but it's still holding. Ideally, instead of holding, I be with someone or something, and there is no holding, no possessing, no controlling. It's a state of being together and being free. Being unattached and free has nothing to do with being cold and/or indifferent. Thinking that to be unattached is to be cold and/or indifferent is an illusion that prompts holding, and the holding isn't necessary. Ideally, being with and being unattached is caring and warm, but isn't carrying or taking care of or holding which easily does become cold and indifferent. I learn to stay unattached without becoming cold and indifferent by practicing being with while staying independent and respecting the other's independence. I'm remembering a statement credited to Martin Buber: "If I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you. But if I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I really am I and you really are you and we can meet."