As I become more aware of my earthly age, I increasingly recognize the significant influence of others' lessons and teachings on me concerning how I had come to view and interpret my own life, culture, values, and purpose. The lessons and teachings over time have been the root of deep dissatisfaction.
Four years ago I participated in my first 'spiritually focused' yoga practice and savasana, and experienced an emptiness when the mind truly rested and clearly revealed the "I". The expansive clarity and stillness, oneness and wholeness, provided an immediate and instant recognition of being.
As I write this I struggle for the words to express this, and then realize this is the 'unnameable nothingness' referred to in the writing. Slowly the conflicting messages of outside influences have sloughed off and peeled away, along with all the mind chatter (chitti vrtti). There remains a calm that rides on breath awareness, and provides the emptiness where my purpose (svadharma) resides. The teacher within me is hard pressed to stay still, though, and the desire that has bubbled up from this space of emptiness is undeniable...and I rest in the wisdom of that desire.
In the 'being' that arises from emptiness, inspiration abounds, the deep inner knowing provides rest, and the creativity of how to approach an increasingly hectic chaotic life and live authentically within it blesses me every day.