Catherine, those strike me as some deep and personal questions. Rilke said (essentially) that we must *live* the questions, until we find ourselves, one unexpected day, living the answers. Perhaps there are only so many times we can *ask* the question with words, before we start living the questions. For me, it eventually comes back to self knowledge. And I think meditating is a beautiful way to gain self-knowledge. There are many ways to gain self-knowledge and many ways to approach meditation -- here's one. And yes, may light be shed in the dark corners and rooms of all of our minds!