Thank you Patsy and Victoria. Victoria mentioned just what I was thinking: what do you do when you can't "control" (create) a positive outcome within a dysfunctional family? Separate from them for certain, but the pain never goes away. Especially when it is a loved one or a child. How to come to terms with that?
Yes, I can't control others actions. But I can't stop WISHING that things were different for me and my son.
Patsy wrote: "When I can accept that I am powerless over any other, but very powerful within myself, I can start to let go of the urge to control things. Then I can trust that if I do right, right results wil follow. It does not matter what others do or don't do. I cannot control them, but I can control myself. I can decide that faith allows me to do right without regard for the outcome, because the outcome will be right - even if it's in a way my current state of mind can't understand."
I will give this a try, but it really is not easy. Not for years and years now. I can come to grips with the "right action gives right results" (eventually) so that will help me "make it through the night." What else to do? Keeping distance from your own adult child never really heals, does it? The guilt and the love and the desire to see them happy and keep them from harm... how to let go of that? Tough Love and Love them from a distance really doesn't help a mother sleep at night.
How can I get notification of comments here? I didn't realize that anyone had commented until the next newsletter came with a few comments at the bottom from this one. So glad I saw it! Thanks for this "journey." It's just what I need right now, more than you can know. Thanks to everyone who wrote and commented here. Much to think about and much appreciated.