I would like to make a small adaptation away from the combat metaphor, to simply 'relationship' is where 'you want to become better, not better than.'

Such a wise and empathetic bus driver! Illumination means to me sharing our light and love with others especially when times are dark. When another is dark, we can be the light to re-ignite their spark. Given the example above, I recall being on the New York City subway rush hour, the train was packed with people. A very muscular large man was standing by the doors when another equally large muscular man got onto the train and bumped into the first man. In moments there were yelling at each other, shoving each other. No one did anything. People stared at the floor, their shoes. Some whispered, "someone should do something." I realized that someone was me. I reached into my bag and pulled out a small bottle of bubbles. In the Before Times I always had my bubbles and my Free Hugs sign. I stood up and took a step inbetween the 2 men and I smiled. Then I blew bubbles. Within 4 seconds flats, both men were laughing and popping bubbles. I reached into my bag and handed each man a small bottle of bubbles, smiled and went back to my seat. By now the entire car was smiling and laughing and clapping. It was a beautiful reminder of be the light. What helps me be light in difficult situations is to not make assumptions and to remember each of us has so many layers of context of our lives, this helps bring out empathy. I hope this brought a little light to you.

Seeking to understand is how I've always tried to enter every encounter and it has opened up so many meaningful learning experiences and broadened my perspective. How? Seek to enter conversation asking: What is the Context? How can I see and honor Complexities with Curiousity and Compassion? These encounters happen often, but one particular example came to mind: An encounter with a woman at a restaurant during the Kavanagh hearings for his potential selection on the US Supreme Court. Context. We were both dining alone: she looked sad and seemed curious about me. She asked how was I so comfortable dining alone? We struck up conversation, I asked if she wanted to join me. She did. She shared about her recent divorce. I shared Compassion and transparency about my own divorce. Honored the Complexities. She shifted conversation to Kavanagh, very excited about him being considered. Curiousity/ compassion: I asked what resonated with her about Kavanagh. She shared. I listened. I told her I heard her and appreciated her perspective. She asked what I thought. I gently with Compassion shared that my views were different and that was ok. I shared I am a survivor of childhood sexual assault & molestation and that for me, it was challenging and that I felt for the woman he was allegedly accused of assaulting (as an 18 year old). She heard me. I did not seek to change her view. I truly listened and learned from her view. In this case Because I was asked, I gently shared my views, again without seeking to change her view. Only with seeking for us to understand each other's Context & Complexities. She told me it was the most civil conversation she'd had in 3 years! She asked for my email to stay in touch. I asked if we could Hug. We did. I admit in this example I shared my view too, because I was asked. Often I simply Listen. Today I am a Narrative Therapy Practitioner and honoring layers of Context and Complexities is how I seek to understand th... [View Full Comment] Seeking to understand is how I've always tried to enter every encounter and it has opened up so many meaningful learning experiences and broadened my perspective. How? Seek to enter conversation asking: What is the Context? How can I see and honor Complexities with Curiousity and Compassion? These encounters happen often, but one particular example came to mind: An encounter with a woman at a restaurant during the Kavanagh hearings for his potential selection on the US Supreme Court. Context. We were both dining alone: she looked sad and seemed curious about me. She asked how was I so comfortable dining alone? We struck up conversation, I asked if she wanted to join me. She did. She shared about her recent divorce. I shared Compassion and transparency about my own divorce. Honored the Complexities. She shifted conversation to Kavanagh, very excited about him being considered. Curiousity/ compassion: I asked what resonated with her about Kavanagh. She shared. I listened. I told her I heard her and appreciated her perspective. She asked what I thought. I gently with Compassion shared that my views were different and that was ok. I shared I am a survivor of childhood sexual assault & molestation and that for me, it was challenging and that I felt for the woman he was allegedly accused of assaulting (as an 18 year old). She heard me. I did not seek to change her view. I truly listened and learned from her view. In this case Because I was asked, I gently shared my views, again without seeking to change her view. Only with seeking for us to understand each other's Context & Complexities. She told me it was the most civil conversation she'd had in 3 years! She asked for my email to stay in touch. I asked if we could Hug. We did. I admit in this example I shared my view too, because I was asked. Often I simply Listen. Today I am a Narrative Therapy Practitioner and honoring layers of Context and Complexities is how I seek to understand those who consult with me. Grateful [Hide Full Comment]

I relate 100% to this notion of mercy and try my utmost to practice it whether that is sharing meals and listening with unhoused people or being kind to everyone I meet in every encounter even the gruffest folks (often they need kindness more than we know). A thought of mercy was when I was in Poland March 2013 after performing in a Storytelling Festival; I became very ill with a severe flu. I was too sick to fly home. I was staying with the Storyteller at his home, but there was no heat other than a very small wood stove and a blizzard. Another person staying stayed up all night feeding the woodstove and the Storyteller insisted I sleep closest to the fire. This was many layers of mercy. What helps me practice mercy is to always pause and say: This is a person in need of grace and kindness. They are hurting enough. And I might ask myself: how would I hope someone would treat me in a similar situation?

Like a seed, love grows when it's attended to and nourished. In my own lived experience, an expanded definition and expression of love is possible when we pause and we remind ourselves of context and complexity of people's lives impacting how they see themselves & others. When we pause and acknowledge this context & complexity it allows us to see beyond binary. This then allows us to potentially expand what we see and to open to loving kindness. I think too expanding the definition of love, as bell hooks did and Sharon Salzburg too: to love shows strength not weakness. This change could do so much! My lived experience, in the Before Time, of Free Hugs was life altering. I took my Free Hugs sign to protests and hugged people on Both sides. I witnessed them hug each other and have civil conversations. This might seem small, but it was a start. A beginning to loving kindness. ♡

This pandemic has clearly brought lessons into my life (and others I suspect) about deeply noticing and appreciating "lasts." The last travel to another country in the before time. The last time I shared Free Hugs in a busy town square, the last time I hugged people without any anxiety. This pandemic has been a gift in some ways, a profound reminder of the lasts we are experiencing while being alive. And if we choose, a beautiful opportunity to appreciate seemingly mundane moments ever so much more. I will never underestimate the the glory of a HUG.

Indeed we are all beggars, each one of us in some way at some time in our lives has done something out of fear or our needs not being met or wanting to belong. When we pause and ask ourselves, "what might have happened to this person to create the action taken?" We can sit in compassion rather than judgment. ♡ Since 2008 I've shared Hugs, conversations and bought lunches with homeless. Every person I met had/has a story of loss. Every person when hugged said statements like, "thank you for seeing me. " "I haven't been touched in twenty years." Imagine what that would be like.
Before we judge or see someone as "bad" again, let us pause and ask, "what might have happened to provike this particular action?"
Hugs from my heart to yours,
Kristin

Oh how I love Nasruddin stories! In today's deeply polarized political climate in the US we often experience "not hearing each other" and placing the not hearing on the other. I've found that compassion in seeking to understand the complexity of layers of influence on each one of us and our beliefs helps me to better hear what is said. ♡

What struck me is the individualistic view shared "I am me..... everything about me is authentically mine"

I am me because of you.♡

Stated with compassion for each of us who live in societies that place so much emphasis on "individual responsibility" for fixing or figuring out. What about all the external impacts that deeply influence who that "me" is? What about familial, gender, cultural, societal norms that tell us stories about who we are supposed to be? What about ancestors whose traits we carry? What about traumas we've survived?

This is all to say, while embracing our beauty, grace, uniqueness & gifts, also honoring we are not created in a vacuum. ♡

I am me because of you.♡

As a survivor of multiple traumas, and someone now studying Narrative Therapy, understanding the choice we have in which stories we choose to focus on and amplify and our choice in how we respond was/is a huge part of my healing journey and in facilitating recovery from trauma workshops for others.

In witnessing and listening to other people's stories and perspectives we are given a beautiful opportunity to check in on our own perceptions and our own narrative.

We each have a choice to view ourselves, others and the world from different perspectives. Acknowledging "it is all stories" is an important part of the process. I've been doing this reframe work full on since 2016 and prior as well in the building bridges between cultures since 2005...

Currently during the pandemic of COVID and of racism, there have been so many opportunities to consciously amplify narratives of potential for change rather than despair or destruction. So, one of mine is focusing on the incredible uplifting of voices which have needed to be witnessed and heard and the fact that change is happening right now.

I've also noticed the deeper honoring of people who work in "essential" jobs, not only healthcare workers, but also cashiers, truck drivers, farmers, sanitation worker, postal delivery.... I was always taught that we each play an essential and valuable role, to see others seems to also understand this, gives me more hope!

Also amplifying the kindnesses and generosity of people seeking to be of service to each other.

And this gives me HOPE....

100% agree, love all, no exceptions. As a survivor of molestation as a child & teen, my heart has always been open to love the hurters who must have been so hurt themselves. I'm in the beginning stages of sharing a healing program with survivors & perpetrators because after all as the article says, in some way we are each of us both aspects.

Heres to love.

Compassion to me means feeling love, care, kindness and empathy for everyone, no exceptions.It means to look below the surface and seek to understand what may be underneath driving the behavior or words of another (and of self).
Perhaps because I grew up in a household with a dad who had multiple suicide attempts and died when I was 22, and because I experienced significant bullying from ages 9 to about 14, I have somehow developed a deeper ability to hold compassion for all, because I have lived on the other side of it.
The capacity to also heal suffering begins, (for me anyway) with seeking to look underneath it, and to also ask, "what can I learn from this experience?" "How might I grow?" How might I find compassion for self or others in this experience and learning?

What helps develop it is to recognize everyone has had times of suffering so matter what their life may look like externally. Since we have all suffered, we are all together. And then we can begin to heal. Acknowledging the suffering is key and needs to happen first, before we can heal.

Hugs from my heart to all of yours,
Kristin

The gold that grows in my experience is layered: trust, friendship, light, love.
I am in the midst once again of a shift from scarcity to abundance. I sometimes get caught up in society's or culture's definitions and lose my way for a while: my anxiety rears up as I look at my savings for my future. In those moments, I am then usually reminded of the abundance all around me: right now, while on tour facilitating healing from trauma workshops:
I'm reminded by the dozen friends and friends of friends who have offered me housing, connections to organizations in service to survivors, shared meals with me, shared deep conversations, advice, hugs, their time. Wow, such abundance! It often does not equal literal gold, but gold in other forms. And if we are focused too closely on literal gold we miss the other forms.
So your passage comes at the perfect time, reminding me to again see the abundance in other forms.

Remembrance means to me to acknowledge I am part of something bigger than myself.To honor my ancestors. To honor the earth and the universe of which earth is a larger part. Remembering the universe is in me and I am this universe happens when I let go and allow: recently I felt this while in facilitating for a group of veterans and I was so hoping what i was sharing was of value to them, that I was being of service because I was deeply second-guessing myself and my place. There was a moment of intense peace as not only did I see my dad in their eyes (he's been gone for 28 years) I felt my dad in the room with us and the veterans felt it too, they pointed it out to me. That moment was profound, a knowing, a connection beyond the physical in front of us. I felt both small and limitless at the same time. I hope this makes sense.

Thank you Somik for posting on my behalf. Testing to see if I can post. I'm using Chrome

Love this! We see what we are ready to see. Oh my goodness yes in recognizing in my own life. I am currently driving across the US donating and sharing very low-cost workshops for survivors of trauma: "Steer Your Story: how to move beyond the trauma and see the whole and worthy person you are today." The "gold" on the path has been the people who've so kindly agreed to host me in their homes, the people who've connected me to organizations and individuals who may be interested in this workshop, those who've treated me to dinner. My fundraising in "gold", the actual money needed has not yet come in and yet there is so much "gold" in the generosity of connections, housing, and meals. I feel blessed!

Thank you for this timely reminder! Being existentially lazy to me means giving oneself the time to reflect, the quiet to contemplate and the space to simply be. What helps me be in activity without being "busy" is to be in it mindfully and to focus on one task at a time. This is something I honestly work on weekly because I have had the tendency (especially when I lived in Washington DC) to get really caught up in busy. Now that I am in a more quiet space (literally) I find that it is easier to focus in on one thing at a time, to actually take weekends off and NOT fill the time with tasks or mindless activities.

 Oh my goodness this passage is breathtaking.

Every one of us is more than one descriptor and so much more than our jobs. I relate to this on so many levels: as a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma, as the daughter of a father who had multiple suicide attempts and died when I was 22, as someone who grew up on the very lowest edge of middle class and ate cereal for dinner, as a former spouse of a partner with severe bi-polar/ADD and was a pathological liar, as the sister of an alchoholic brother now 26 years sober, as a former anorectic, as a Cause-Focused Storyteller who chose to sell her home and possessions to create a volunteer literacy program and had no idea what she was doing but somehow it worked out, to the 51 year old woman I am today who became a traveler collecting, presenting and performing stories worldwide and now sharing Steer Your Story across the US all the way to Alaska to provide workshops for other survivors to steer their internal narratives to be more empowered and better reflect their strength and truth of who they are today Oh yes, we contain multitudes. And when we see each other as complete human beings including our challenges and those traumas that we survived which then informed who we are today, we are so much more! I started sharing my truth publically about what it was like living with and trying to care for a parent with multiple suicide attempts. Then I spoke more on social media and in presentations about my own experience with different brain chemistry (episodic situational depression and anxiety). This vulnerability and sharing my full self resulted in others sharing their journeys too. It opened up amazing conversations with such depth. Since April 2016 I've also gone public about the childhood s*xual trauma and it peeled back another layer for others to share their stories too. And here I am on a journey all the way to Alaska in service to creating space for people to share their stories too. I am grateful. If you want to learn more, please visit: www.steeryourstor... [View Full Comment] Every one of us is more than one descriptor and so much more than our jobs. I relate to this on so many levels: as a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma, as the daughter of a father who had multiple suicide attempts and died when I was 22, as someone who grew up on the very lowest edge of middle class and ate cereal for dinner, as a former spouse of a partner with severe bi-polar/ADD and was a pathological liar, as the sister of an alchoholic brother now 26 years sober, as a former anorectic, as a Cause-Focused Storyteller who chose to sell her home and possessions to create a volunteer literacy program and had no idea what she was doing but somehow it worked out, to the 51 year old woman I am today who became a traveler collecting, presenting and performing stories worldwide and now sharing Steer Your Story across the US all the way to Alaska to provide workshops for other survivors to steer their internal narratives to be more empowered and better reflect their strength and truth of who they are today Oh yes, we contain multitudes. And when we see each other as complete human beings including our challenges and those traumas that we survived which then informed who we are today, we are so much more! I started sharing my truth publically about what it was like living with and trying to care for a parent with multiple suicide attempts. Then I spoke more on social media and in presentations about my own experience with different brain chemistry (episodic situational depression and anxiety). This vulnerability and sharing my full self resulted in others sharing their journeys too. It opened up amazing conversations with such depth. Since April 2016 I've also gone public about the childhood s*xual trauma and it peeled back another layer for others to share their stories too. And here I am on a journey all the way to Alaska in service to creating space for people to share their stories too. I am grateful. If you want to learn more, please visit: www.steeryourstory.com Hugs from my heart to yours, Kristin[Hide Full Comment]

Being moved my nature to me means being more connected to the interconnecteness of our environment and ourselves within that environment rather than being fragmented by small slices as the article shared. This connection can happen in urban or natural settings, I think it's about intention: connecting to what is there rather than being tethered to technology.
As for being lost and being guided by elements rather than any maps, yes, I can share a time in an urban environment and one in nature.
3am in Paris after dancing Tango, the metro was closed so I took a bus back to the neighborhood where I was staying with a friend. Though it was familiar in daylight, at 3am, it all looked quite different and in Paris many of the street signs are painted on the sideds of houses and buildings. The 3am bus also does not make the usual stops, so I was nearly a mile away from my friend's home. I had no GPS, only a small flip phone cell phone with a dead battery. I navigated by familiar landmarks: Sacre Coeur cathedral on the hill above gave perspective, then a cemetary I recalled, then a bakery I recalled, then a corner bistro, then a line of trees on either side of a stately street, I knew I was nearly at her doorstep. I found my way back thanks to paying attention to surrroundings rather than being glued to a cell phone.