All Comments By Shyam Gupta

Although Carrie had written this with a different context, I see it resonate with some issues facing some relationships, wherein we allow ourselves to be used , ignoring the infringements in the beginning till a time wherein it becomes imperative to take the time out and take up the messy work of healing the relationship. Many times just in order that we do not shake up the status quo , we allow small misbeahaviours or small troubles not to come up to the surface. They are brushed underneath the Cupboard and they lie there. One day we are not able to take it any more and we are forced to take up the issues and resolve them, which maybe messy or like opening up the wall, and a big relook into the whole aspect. We are forced to come out of our comfort zone and begin the messy work of mending or tending to what is the real problem.

Yes, sometimes there are no clear answers to a question. While going undergoing a training in palliative care counselling, i was told there will be a question frequently asked , "Why me " ? And the answer to it would generally be "I dont know ". But in order to nudge the questioner go deeper , we need to help him to explore his inner in a deeper way and answer the question himself by keeping on the conversation which may lead to the answering of the question by himself .

Cultivation of deep empathy would mean , understanding the point of view of another, his deeper feelings, the reason behind his way of thinking. Sometime s we judge another person based on superficial knowledge and then start casting aspirations, which in turn makes the other person do the same and that results in all round hatred , and very bad relations between people , not only others but our close ones too. Although , it may not be fully related , but I used to run away seeing other's pain and suffering. If I knew someone had passed away in a house I would go there after 2-3 days so that i do not have to witness the deep pain and grief felt by the people at the time of the initial news of a closed one passing away. I would close my eyes if someones wound came in my sight , even in pictures. Through some introspection and inner cultivation I have changed my way of looking at pain. I could see I was fearful the pain would engulf me and make me feel feel miserable. After long introspection and redefining my values I have come to a realisation that it would actually give me joy If i could alleviate the pain and suffering of someone. Now I do not run away from pain but go closer to it , feel it and try and offer some comfort to the sufferer. My not running away from pain has helped me to see the world in all its hues.

Thankyou for sharing this profound truth. Everywhere we seek this ego fuel and it limits our ability to serve unconditionally , to love unconditionally

Thankyou for the kind words. Also reminds me a quote a friend shares." Bloom where you are planted "

Am reminded of a quote , " Nothing can affect us, unless we allow it to do so ". As long as we are able to find the true meaning of our being on this planet, which is akin to a flowers's job to bloom, there is nothing which should affect our happiness. The moment we start seeking appreciation, recognition of our efforts, being appreciated by others, our joy and happiness in just blossomimg like a flower , gets compromised. It falls in other's hands. Remember a personal story. We started a group wherein we were providing ration and medicines during the onset of Covid. Some newspapers covered the story and surprisingly it highlighted just a few of the persons in the group who were otherwise well known and connected. My family told me , you are doing so much but your name does not appear anywhere. I did not comment or do anything about it. To me it did not matter. My ' job" was to serve the needy and that I was doing. The joy and happiness in doing my bit was all I needed. But I know , it was tough for the family to understand.

when we do small acts of kindness, regularly and more out of a habit rather than to prove , achieve or gain anything, they help us open up the blockages in our heart. Picking up earthworms from the walking track and putting them on one side with love, picking up mu dog's poop with love, cleaning up hair from wash basins, visiting end of life care patients who because of poverty sometimes have smelly wounds, helping dressing the horrific cancer wounds etc, are simple acts which help us clear our heart's blockages.

when we do small acts of kindness, regularly and more out of a habit rather than to prove , achieve or gain anything, they help us open up the blockages in our heart. Picking up earthworms from the walking track and putting them on one side with love, picking up mu dog's poop with love, cleaning up hair from wash basins, visiting end of life care patients who because of poverty sometimes have smelly wounds, helping dressing the horrific cancer wounds etc, are simple acts which help us clear our heart's blockages.

I have witnessed this wonder when walking without a destination, without any agenda. When we walk fir an agenda , the purpose or the destination blinds us to the wonders and amazing sights during the journey. Slowing down , spending quality time on the way , reveals so many hidden truths, both outside and inside of our selves.

"We are in relationship all the time, and our relationships are a reflection of our own inner world. ". To learn and to grow, you need relationships. " So aptly said. Where we falter is when our ego starts telling us you are better than XYZ. You deserve to be treated better. We start viewing the relationship as a combat and start devising ways to prove we are better . We even manipulate just to show ourselves in "better than "ways. The very relationships which were meant to give us joy , starts giving us stress and result in a never ending struggle.

What I have found is Faith is an internal trait and gets formed after being personally experienced . It is a confidence in the strength of the laws of nature . Belief is the external trait or something which has been told to us though our elders or through our religious texts. During corona , we had formed a group wherein we started reading Vinoba texts . The texts were so inspiring and our knowledge started improving. The turning point came ( It is still continuing) when we actually started internalising the values and even started trying and living upto those values. Sometimes our prior knowledge or a belief in something actually prevents us from going deeper and exploring it further. If we can rise above our beliefs and get into the depth of what is actually being said and then actually experience it and after that internalize them . that would lead to an unwavering faith

What I have found is Faith is an internal trait which has been personally experienced or a confidence in the strength of the laws of nature . Belief is the external trait or something which has been told to us though our elders or through our religious texts. During corona , we had formed a group wherein we started reading Vinoba texts . The texts were so inspiring and our knowledge started improving. The turning point came ( It is still continuing) when we actually started internalising the values and even started trying and living upto those values. Sometimes our prior knowledge or a belief in something actually prevents us from going deeper and exploring it further. If we can rise above our beliefs and get into the depth of what is actually being said and then actually experience it and after that internalize them .

To "Die Empty " is to die with no regrets of unfulfilled agenda, with no pending plans. This is possible when , after careful and deep evaluation , wehave arrived at our main purpose in life and when wehave fully spent all my energy, time and focus in that pursuit.
It is our inner self, our intuition, out gut feeling, which keeps on guiding us. We just need to quieten ourselves and listen to it and then pursue it whole heartedly.

How Can I live in the present , in a way that I live my true authentic self, no pretenses or people pleasing efforts.. My work, My love, My Time , My face. Slowly and intensely growing like a plant and dying as graciously as a ripened fruit, fertile, detached and after having lived a life well spent.

Yes, so true. We only find what we seek.

We find what we seek. If we are concentrating on the negativity , we are sure to encounter that and if we are concentratingon positivity we are again sure to encounter that too. It is up to us , what we train our minds to do.
When we are deeply focussed on shortcomings of a person or a thing , our mind conveniently misses the goodness in the person or the beauty of the object.
I remember going on a trek. It was a beautiful place . However we started concentrating on how bad the roads were , how difficult the trek was, poor facilities and we were finding no joy in the trek . Someone pointed out that there was so much beauty around , which we were missing and the moment we started concentrating and appreciating the beauty around we almost forgot about the difficultiesof the trek.
By being mindful of our thought process, we can train our mind into positive sid eof things and making it focus on them.
We will find what we seek. We just need to be mindful what we are seeking.

It is true that if we give food to someone , it may not really matter to him whether we are giving food to him with love or just to satisfy our ego. Then the question would come is why are we giving food to another . Are we feeding the poor to satisfy our ego or are we serving a less privileged person with food , just as a calling of our inner self to share the goodness we have received and express gratitude for the privileges we have received in life.
The same activity of serving food , when done with love, will definetelygive afeeling of being wanted and respected to the other and at the same time will lead to a true satisfaction and a resultant inner transformation in us,

Being before doing . How can we start an activity after ensuring the inclusion of love component in the activity. Many times we begin some service activity with good intention and if it is for any other reason apart from love , it is bound to create an unease or negative impression on the recipient
Like it is said , we may feed the hungry or give water to the poor but if not done with love or in the spirit of wishing whole hearted well being of other, then it is of no use.
How to ensure that whatever we do comes out of a space of love.
How can we internalize love, be awakened enough that whatever we do comes out of space of love.

Even before we actually meet another person ,we form a mental perception of that person , which may be based on theirexternal appearanceand it is most of the time coloredwith our prejudicesand is also based on what movie is playing, in our head, at that time . Our perception about others also gets affected whether we see them from a space of fear or whether we see from a space of love.
This happens throughout the day as we are caught up in our movie "about me " all the time. We are constanly thinking about our past and what we are going to do next.
Meditation or chanting helps us in breaking that pattern and makes us calm . This calmnessbrings us back to the present moment and and with this awareness t we can meet another person without our prejudices and we would be able to see the other person, as to who he actually is, rather than our projection about him. In the calm and aware state we can see the real " him".

Beautiful poem, sir. I guess we need ti sit peacefully, fully with our innerself, then only grms like these would appear.

We all want happiness , but are looking for it at the wrong places and through the wrong means. We want to purchase happiness, thinking its transactional. We start bringing transactionality even in our close relations , many times manipulating relationships to seek happiness.
True happiness is non transactional and it is an outcome of unconditional loving and unconditional trust in the process of nature. We love unconditionally and we trust unconditionally. Yes we may get frustrated at times when we are not loved back or when our trust gets broken . We need to have faith in the law and process of nature and make our best effort in loving and trusting unconditionally for their is no other way to find happiness and joy.

Many times, when weare looking for a solution to a difficult problem, itout of eludes us no matter how hartd we try. But having kept the problem aside, suddenly , out of nowhere, the solution emerges.
Our overcharged mind,has limited scope to accomplish, but a quiet and a still mind can acheive unimaginable results.We can find newer meaning when we cede control of our mind to our higher self.
I can remeber SN Goenka, ji's audio , telling us to stop looking for bliss during Vipasaana meditation, Just concentrate on the breath, observe the senasations and if the practice is strong enough, bliss wil be there.

Wow. What a profound , hard hitting statement on religion. Apart from respecting other religions , it also shows us the path of true worship, which is without fear or reward and just in the spirit of service or unconditional love.
Am reminded of a mystic baba who had founded a big temple and almost a sect , in Delhi, whom i used to meet very regularly , sharing this with me. " Most of the people coming over here ( mostly rich and powerful), come here , either by fear or for reward . They look at the temple visit , either as a means to avoiid hardship or pain or a fulfillment of their wishes or some desire. I still welcome them, with a hope that some day they would see the futility of thier prayers and actually start worshipping just for the sake of worshipping/service or just ib the spirit of service with unconditional love for god and all humanity.

Recently attended a Vipassana Session. It is a place where one enjoys aloneness, as there is no phone , no net, no communication through speech or written, not even an eye contact for 10 days.
Real deep sense of fulfilment with this aloneness.

A wonderful passage. A healthy poverty , as per me , a state where small things bring a tremendous amount of pleasure.
one who is pleased with small things, events or happenings will always be a happy man. One who is happy and willing to be surprised and tremendously happy at those surprises is a truly happy man.

The nature is always whispering and showering pleasant surprises in our paths. We just need to be open, receptive and empty to receive them.
We are alaways so busy with out thoughts, our preconceived notions and "closed to receiving " surprises that we miss the "gold" in our paths

Wonderful.
Give with no expectations be it kindness, be it service, be it a smile ot be it something of a monetary value, not even expecting or waiting for a thank you.
Dont even bother whether a receipient is worthy of it or not. Have trust and faith in nature.

Mindfulness calling, listening, speaking, brings us back into awareness, that deep connect with ourselves.
It brings into picture the slow , planned , response or proactive conversation which is so vital in compassionate communication

 Wonderful piece of article. Jolts you up.

 So true. Even when people get unwell , they only look for a relief rather than a cure.
Relief is immediate but the Cure may be time consuming and may be painful too.
We are only looking for shortcuts rather than the mental or physical discipline required for the cure.
Its almost like saying “  O God , I would love to go heaven buutt can you make someone else die for me”