In the last few months, I've been feeling like my life exists somewhere at a place in the middle of this poem.  All of the stuff at the end seems too inconcievable for me to understand at the moment, but I can understand the line that reads "travelled too fast over false ground" and "open up, to all the small miracles..."  When I slow down enough, I can see magic in the chaos.  Ironically, meditation alone seems to be kicking up more dust that tends to stick in my eyes and cloud my clarity, while combining it with running (esp in the early a.m.) helps me slow down enough to dance through the dust storm.  And I suppose running may be an apt analogy for wherever someone finds their life to be along the spectrum of this poem.  The destination may not be clear, and the path hazy and narrow, but all we need to understand is the next step and muster the stamina to take it.

An important element in skillfully watching tension is tremendous humility, patience and kindness towards oneself.  I've found that when I'm seriously working on my edges, the challenges I'm confronted with are just beyond the range of my capacity to endure with equanimity.  While it is very true that strength and stability comes from overcoming these obstacles, its also true that I stumble and fall often (and I don't think I'm alone).  When I'm able to forgive myself and bring patience and kindness to my failure to be equanamous, that's the impetus to keep working with these challenges.  Lack of humility, patience and self-kindness is a dead-end that stops all progress.

Anyone has seen a baby learn how to walk can appreciate the idea that if we had to take on such an analogously challenging endeavor in our adult lives, many of us would simply rule it out as impossible.  How many times does a child fall before it can even walk across a room?  The key is to get up and keep trying.  Paramahansa Yogananda said, "A saint is a sinner who never gave up."

When someone hurts/harms me out of ignorance, I find it much easier to 'turn the other cheek,' than when I'm hurt with intention.  What has helped me when I'm intentionally attacked is 1. to observe my bodily pain  2. recognize that the other person is in pain too, and the pain they're giving me is just a small fraction of their own pain  3. remember the most severe physical pain I've been able to endure calmly so I can muster the strength to keep calmly observing  4. speak only after pain has mostly subsided  5. let first words be those of acknowledgement, followed by apology for the role I played in the other's pain  6. hug or smile as soon as possible, if possible :-)  Marriage has taught me more about forgiveness than anything else in my life because arguments and even silent disagreement spoil the atmosphere more quickly than anything else, laying the basis for continual escalation.  Paraphrasing the wisdom of Sun Tzu as heard from a 4th grader, "Those who win arguments will want to argue more.  Those who lose arguments will want to win arguments and thus argue more."  Forgiveness is the only path to peace and sanity.

This passage was about attention for me: that to know kindness requires tuning into the constancy of the gifts that sustain us.  The challenge with constancy is that its so easy to take that flow for granted and lose gratitude for the kindness which continually charges us up.  Hence to know kindness, the author says we must go to the extreme end where its flow is nearly choked off such that even the smallest trickle gives rise to an abundant gratitude which ultimately transforms how we live.  There is truth in this, but also think there's a golden middle path that's found in fully accepting the challenges life throws at us.  Many examples of this: if somehow you don't get a meal or two, be with your hunger and watch how it changes all your lenses; if a car or train isn't available, let your muscles strain on the long journey home by foot or bicycle; if you feel ignored, embrace your fundamental aloneness past the point of discomfort; and through all of these things you will taste food, and sip time, and respect space, and honor love like never before.

The first thing this passage brought up for me was presence, and that with a given quality of presence always comes permission to respond in harmony its energy.  The neurological basis of this is what are called ‘mirror neurons’ which essentially pick up on the mental states of those around us and cause us to replicate their inner states within ourselves.  Research has shown that you’re much more likely to be happy if you have happy friends.  Not just that, but if a friend of your friend is happy, your chances of happiness go up.  A different study even showed that having an obese friend increase your probability of being obese. This continual exchange between you and the people around you, puts high importance on the type of people you surround yourself with .  Emerson said, “Show me who a man’s friends are and I will show you the man.”  Yet many of us have mixed communities with different kids of friends that hold a range of sometimes conflicting values.  Maybe there’s someone in your family who clashes with your values, or maybe there’s not a complete alignment at your office, or maybe you have problems structural violence in your society.  How do you impact those energies positively instead of being impacted in a negative way?  We're often seduced towards big:  talking louder, faster, on a larger scale, in more media—and this may have some short term impact, but I suspect it doesn't last.  Who will remember an insensitve, loud politician or media personality after they're gone? Is there another answer?  I think it may be the power of attention towards the subtle that helps us respond to negative influences. Last week something I said triggered an attack-like response from my boss, and I noticed unpleasant feelings starting inside of me.  So I watched those for a second, wondering what I should do and I decided to see if I could disarm the a... [View Full Comment]

The first thing this passage brought up for me was presence, and that with a given quality of presence always comes permission to respond in harmony its energy.  The neurological basis of this is what are called ‘mirror neurons’ which essentially pick up on the mental states of those around us and cause us to replicate their inner states within ourselves.  Research has shown that you’re much more likely to be happy if you have happy friends.  Not just that, but if a friend of your friend is happy, your chances of happiness go up.  A different study even showed that having an obese friend increase your probability of being obese.

This continual exchange between you and the people around you, puts high importance on the type of people you surround yourself with .  Emerson said, “Show me who a man’s friends are and I will show you the man.”  Yet many of us have mixed communities with different kids of friends that hold a range of sometimes conflicting values.  Maybe there’s someone in your family who clashes with your values, or maybe there’s not a complete alignment at your office, or maybe you have problems structural violence in your society.  How do you impact those energies positively instead of being impacted in a negative way?  We're often seduced towards big:  talking louder, faster, on a larger scale, in more media—and this may have some short term impact, but I suspect it doesn't last.  Who will remember an insensitve, loud politician or media personality after they're gone?

Is there another answer?  I think it may be the power of attention towards the subtle that helps us respond to negative influences.

Last week something I said triggered an attack-like response from my boss, and I noticed unpleasant feelings starting inside of me.  So I watched those for a second, wondering what I should do and I decided to see if I could disarm the attack.  As my boss was proceeding on his annoyed monologue, I cracked a little smile and took a tiny step towards him.  I noticed a little change in his expression, but he kept going on his rant.  So I smiled bigger, and took one more tiny step towards him.  I noticed a little bit of confusion in his face, but he kept going.  So I smiled even bigger, and took another little step toward him.  His rant turned into just talking, and in another few seconds, he just ran out of steam.  I was still smiling and just kind of nodded my head, and he kind of had this flash of ‘what’s going on here?’.  Next minute I said something and he laughed, not knowing what hit him.  The whole experience seemed to feel like loudness wasn’t the answer; that tuning into the things most subtle within ourselves and being able to smile at whatever is happening there gives us the best chance to influence instead of being influenced.  This feels like that quality of attention the author was talking about that mankind is, and is made for.

 

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